I am cringing.

Uuugh. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

I'm sorry no that's not a man writing a woman, that's an alien trying to write human woman

Bye Felicia.

Normally I have more tolerance for internet shit but that's enough internet shit for today.

Just admit you have an enormous breeding fetish

"smut may only be 100% realistic. We cannot have smutty fiction engage in any fetishes or fantasies ever."

I know cis women who are into stuff like cumflation or being able to feel ovulation in a pleasurable way. This is just a twitter user self-reporting as being boring at best, puritanically anti-kink at worst.

On a side note: I found it wild that you average straight person thinks that wearing a collar, calling someone a good girl/boy and/or going "woof" in bed is extremely kinky. That's entry-level for furries.

"The writer's barely-disguised inflation fetish"

Barely disguised? There's a flashing billboard with an arrow pointing at it.

I need eyebleach.

Someone didn't pay attention at basic biology class at all

If the writer was American, there’s a non-zero chance they weren’t taught basic biology.
- It uses inches, so it's a US American or maybe an older commonwealth country person (or I guess a Liberian or whatever the other place is that still uses stupid units).

What the - and I can't stress this enough - fuck

No, no, "the fuck" comes after; not just "fuck".
- "The fuck" comes for all of us, eventually
- I would venture to say this is a situation where "the absolute fuck" is warranted.
Ehhh, it's just smut. It doesn't have to be realistic, it just has to satisfy the author's breeding fetish.

Genuine lol here. How did this get past an editor that was even half paying attention? Is this self-published?

I imagine that editor just wanted rid of that manuscript as fast as possible.
Or it's on a site dominated by amateur authors, like WattPad or AO3
- That shit would not fly on A03. Not even in the omegaverse
You think they care that much about this type of book?

Man, it's not even 8:30 and I have read too much today.

"Bae, are you sure it's not the trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of flagella tingling?"

So this is actually real kinda, some women can feel when they ovulate sometimes. It's called mittelschmerz and it's quite uncomfortable. Like an aching stab. Definitely not sexy.

Uh-huh… and the rest of it? Like you know, Apperantly cumming so damn much he causes her uterus to swell to the point “it adds an inch to her waistline”
- So this is actually real kinda, some men can cum so much that a woman has to size up their pants. It's called bigolspurtz and it's quite sexy. Definitely not uncomfortable.
- Lol

I cringed so hard my face looked like ground zero for power word scrunch.

whaa?