What are some genuine good ways to stop yourself from crying?
I need to tell someone off but I already know I'm going to be close to tears when I do. And I don't want her to see me crying.
And please spare me any mention of how it is okay to cry. That's not why I'm here.
Suck it up, buttercup.
Write a letter? Or maybe, write out everything you want to say to the person, and practice it out loud a few times so it gets less upsetting.
Okay the first step in being able to get control and stop crying is to stop being embarrassed about crying. Because that added level of feeling makes the crying worse. So what if the power of your truth brings tears to your eyes? If they mock you it's because they're trying to distract from the fact they're in the wrong. Ignore and continue.
What you don't want is to whine or sob. So forget your eyes, concentrate on your voice. Deliberately pitch it a little low, it prevents squeaking. And use enough volume to be heard but don't shout, you want to sound in control.
The other thing you don't want to do is to snivel or have to deal with snot. So don't keep your eyes wide trying to keep the tears from dripping, because that will just send the water down those tubes into your nose, and you'll have a real mess plus you'll be hard to understand. Deliberately blink and let them fall, or better yet dab with a tissue that you remembered to bring! (You don't want to be like I once was, stuck with nothing absorbent in my purse but my toddler's spare pair of clean underpants!)
All the while, concentrate on calmly stating the thing that's so important to say. Chin up, keep eye contact, don't let a few drops of water distract you. And you'll find it gets easier with practice, so practice. Practice logical sentences that make your points, and practice returning to your point despite distractions or arguments from them.
If you wear makeup, try that out too, you don't want anything that runs!
Being well prepared in case you do start to cry is the best way to minimize it, even if it doesn't 100% prevent it.
I don’t have advice – because In the past I have also had issues with voice shaking and tears when in emotional situations. No clue if I’ve grown out of it or have just been better at avoiding them.
I need to tell someone off
You might want to reflect on if you really need to. “Fuck off” and walking away is also sufficient. Delivering via a written message is also an option.
If this is a work situation then my suggestions change dramatically.
I’m a big fan of the strongly worded letter. Get to write and rewrite until it’s absolutely withering. And no one knows if you cried.
I need to tell someone off
But do you really? What would be different if you did vs didn't do that? If someone does something to harm you in some way, think about never trusting them again and/or limiting or ending all communication with them. Believe it or not, some people enjoy getting an emotional rise out of others, and you run the risk of giving them that. What drives people like that crazy is getting nothing from you
Seconded
so you want to exert an emotional response to so.eone but suppress the emotional response? hmmm....cry before hand. drain those tears
In your head, be a third party. You're just passing along the information. Not apologetic, not angry, just facts.
Rehearse it a bunch so the words no longer have the same weight
If you do end up crying you can always say something like "regardless of my tears what I'm saying stands", worst case scenario.
Sometimes it helps me to inflict slight pain somewhere, like pinching myself or contracting my foot inside my shoe really tightly. Like, it divides my attention between that sensation and what I'm dealing with emotionally. But I mostly just let myself cry, so take those ideas with a grain of salt. Here's hoping it goes ok for you!
I often bite my tongue or cheek, though that's hard to do when speaking...
Be very very dehydrated.
I mean, my go-to way is to remember that if I don't control my emotional responses, everyone will judge me and like me even less than they already do. Then I practiced for 30 years.
Honestly, I would question the necessity of the telling-off. Like, whatever it is, you can just let it go and move on with your life. Cut them out of your social circles. Put your telling-off into a text or email. Or cut it down to a short sentence you can toss at them offhandedly. If you're planning some long elaborate speech... I would strongly suggest you reconsider.
Take deep, slow breaths and be mindful of how the air flows through your body when you think you might cry - train it beforehand.
Keep telling yourself that you are now communicating facts and what you say is not personal - maybe have a little trinket, and every time you take that trinket in your hand you know that now is "fact-time".
Those things help me when situations get emotionally difficult.
My mom swears by drinking something through a straw during conversations where you think you might cry. I have yet to try it out myself, but maybe it'll work for you :)
Offhand: Do it in writing, or over short video seem excellent for many versions of this.
Have a lawyer write it.
If you are prone to dissociate, this might be a time to use that.
Keep it short, avoid pauses and vague subjective wording.
Schedule something you need to get to shortly after.
Communicate at a large distance or from across a closed door. (Less good, rarely correct, use a blindfold.)
Spend time practicing observing feelings and letting them pass without effecting you, try to notice when tears are coming early.
Edit: how could I forget!?! Lithium. Needs a prescription and a few days though.
Physical pain can be a good distraction
You're supposed to jack off before making relationship decisions, texting exes, etc...so maybe that would work? I have no idea if the systems connect, but it seems worth a shot.
Distance yourself emotionally but be firm in your conviction. By this I mean you need to take a clinical look at the situation as if it were happening to someone else, but keep your focus on what matters as if you were standing up for a friend.
Also rehearse it until you don't feel anything saying it.
Those would be my two strategies.