Do you ever go out, and while you're out, you think, ‘this is exactly why I don't go out’?
Do you ever go out, and while you're out, you think, ‘this is exactly why I don't go out’?
82 comments
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I'm queer and once had a date with a black woman from the States while living in Dublin, Ireland. She asked me if I could be her local tourist guide. Sure thing!
Walked her all across the shitty overpriced city centre. At some point she asked me:
"Am I the only black person around here?"
Eventually decided to ditch the CC and take a taxi to my local area.
Waltzed into my regular pub holding hands, cuddeling.
The entire place filled with white cis locals went dead silent like in a bad cliche movie.
"Harry, two pints of the black stuff, will ye?"
Peeps realised that at least I was a local and continued minding their own business.
Jeez...
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Tribal mentality. A lot of people conform to the 'Hate them... not you though, you're one of ours' mindset.
"Fucking hate poofs. Not Barry though, he grew up around here, he's alright."
"We should shoot all the [insert racist bollocks here]. Not Abdul who runs the corner shop though, he calls me 'boss' when I go in."
Etc. If only their sense of tribe extended a bit further.
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Funny but relevent:
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No idea if you already know these places (you probably do) but The Cobblestone, Peader Brown's, and McDowells are all great pubs that are perfectly happy serving a drink to anyone of any orientation.
Sorry for the bother if you already know.
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Every time I go out.
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At most social events like disco, big parties etc, where the goal is wrecking your liver and dance to shitty music, while losing your hearing in the meantime.
Even with some friends, you cannot talk to them because everything is loud or stinks like shitty cigarettes. What's the point?
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Why would you ever go to parties with shitty music? The goal is to go to parties where the djs are good and playing music you like.
The parties with shitty music where everyone is getting shitfaced are for hooking up, that’s the primary goal for those and for the people that attend them. If that’s not your goal you’re obviously not gonna enjoy it.
If you want to go out to dance to good music, there’s also parties for that, where people might drink but no one is getting shitfaced. People might be getting high in other ways, but still, no one is getting shitfaced.
And idk, is it really crazy to understand why human beings, a species that evolved for millions of years to be the most social species outside of insects, would enjoy going to social events..?
You might just be ND, and that’s fine. But it’s really like 0 brain effort to try to understand this.
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i'm usually not very aware of my own mental state but there have been at least two times where my brain has just clicked into "we need to go home" mode and i've stood up and left in the middle of a conversation. makes me wonder how many times i've missed that queue and become grumpy as a result. i know at least one time where i basically just couldn't muster the effort to emote anymore and basically shut down.
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Good on you for identifying that as a pattern. Could help you listen to the signs before it comes to shutting off emotionally - must be taxing after all
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Every. Single. Time.
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Spent my 20s in bars all over the place. I remember several times, sitting in a new place, thinking, "I've been here 100 times already."
Now that I hardly go to bars, my wife and I like to hit a dive now and again. Apparently they don't have shitty places quite like that in the Philippines. She gets so cute and happy, totally novel experience for her. And if they have karaoke? Game. On.
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It sounds like your wife just likes to party! Cuz I can assure you Manilla is filled with shitty dive bars too haha. It's just also filled with amazing people who love to love and love to party. Filipinas rock! You two must have so much fun
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LOL, I assumed so! And she's from Manila! Seems redneck dive bars are novel for some reason. And despite the bars we've hit being full-on poor rednecks, no one blinks at the Asian chick, everyone very nice.
We haven't been for awhile. The one we like just can't stay in business for long. Too far outside town, and we're on the edge, but not far enough to be the only bar.
You've inspired me to take her out tomorrow night! We're broke, but we can blow a bit on pool and beers.
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That feeling of all the bars being so similar was an early prelude to stopping going out all the time for me. I always thought it was weird that I never missed something I spent 5 - 7 days a week doing for over a decade. When the novelty wore off it was so easy to just never go back.
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Now that I'm older, and laid off the bar scene for a decade+, it's like coming home. Still, only fun a couple of times a year. And now I don't smoke, and we can't smoke inside, so I'm not coughing my lungs out the next morning.
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I try to avoid going out at annoying times - e.g., rush hour, school zones, restaurants on a Friday or Saturday night. That helps a lot.
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Never be scared to duck out early from something that is not fulfilling. I've left group gatherings to go hiking solo because it was more enjoyable.
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Yes. I only want to go out to quieter places, where you can hear yourself think and talk: parks (nature in general), libraries, museums, coffee shops, bookstores, quirky mom and pop shops, tiny restaurants, etc.
Otherwise, I’d much rather stay at home.
My old high school friends were all extroverts who loved going out to bars and clubs, drinking heavily (and smoking), and skirt-chasing. That’s what hanging out meant. One day, in my mid-twenties, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I realized “I’m not having any fun with these people at all.” So I ghosted all of them. I feel guilty about it at times, but I had to.
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You could've also talked to them about it. Ghosting is such an asshole move, making them question whether it was their fault, when in reality you just reached the conclusion that you want to spend your free time differently
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Ppl assume ghosting = ignoring responses (maybe its supposed to) but when I ghost I just stop hitting them up first and eventually they stop hitting me up, ppl treat it like its ghosting so I assume it also counts but it doesn't feeel/seem as bad
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It was also a long time ago
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Last Sunday. A friend asked me to go with him to town, normally I say no but I figured I would just because I usually don't.
We went to town and went to a store. As we were about to leave, his truck wouldn't start. (The starter was fried.) Ended up having to walk a mile and a half to his nephew's place, then got a ride back to my friend's truck, towed it to his brother's shop, and after borrowing some tools I ended up pulling the starter off a car in the middle of a field, and installing it in his truck so we could finally head back home.
What was supposed to be an enjoyable hour or so ended up taking most of the afternoon and I ended up covered in oil and mud and sore as hell by the time I finally got back to my house.
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An afternoon wrenching after a short adventure with my buddies sounds like a day well spent to me.
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I mean posing the question like that is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, no?
On the other hand, as neurodivergent this hits everytime I leave the house.
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I tend to enjoy it once Im out, it's just overcoming that inertia to go out that's hard for me
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Every time someone nearly changes lanes into me, or slams their brakes, or whatever. I like operating a motor vehicle. I hate other drivers.
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Every time I'm in a mall or restaurant and see a flock of yelling and otherwise poorly behaved kids and their useless parents.
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Ohh yes, but usually at event stuff because of the crowd and noise, and parking if i drivin.
But 100% of the time it's when i go for a movie, it's too cold if there's no crowd, too noisy and 80% chance of people kicking my seat if full. I pay money to have my experience soured by either the venue or peoples. No thanks.
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Yes. And I don’t entirely understand why most other people don’t.
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No, but I usually go to places I want to go to
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Once and a while I go to the Movies and often end up asking why I thought it was a good idea to pay exorbitant prices for the 30 mins of mixed ads/previews, all for a cliche plot of yet another reboot. Which inspires me to not go to the movies for another 6 months or year, and just go for a run outside.
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people have been more gross since they lifted mask protocols, they dont cover thier mouths when they cough excessively, and they are spreading colds and covid around. cant challenge them, because of how politicla it has beocme they become hositle.
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Most of the time I have the opposite. I dread going out, and hope that the plans get canceled. But when I'm there I really do enjoy it, and I'm glad I didn't pussy out.
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No. Never had that thought.
Any night that I'm just sitting alone at home I consider kind of a disappointment. I try to at least go for a walk or something.
I think Lemmy (and maybe social media in general) might have a greater proportion of people who don't like going out and being social.
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Being poor will do that.
Liking the destination or specific people you’re with really has to outweigh the crowds, the effort and the cost to be remotely worth it and that’s exceedingly rare.
Occasional game nights/potlucks with friends and family though can be nice.
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I can't go anywhere with noisy crowds. The sensory stimulation is too much for me. It's not fun feeling ready to snap at any moment. Anytime I try going to the wrong kind of places I will regret it, so yeah.
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Almost daily!
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Never but I say "this is why I don't party for 24+ hours". A good party or event shouldn't overstay its welcome as experience quickly declines once everyone tires out and start making mistakes and get into intoxicated/tired arguments.
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Nope, though occasionally I will think "this wasn't the best choice today" (usually because I'm much more tired than I thought I'd be when commiting to going out).
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Nah I love going out
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Every. Single. Time.
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No because anything is better than being surrounded by hostile people in your own home 24/7.
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I hope it get's better for you.
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Thanks
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All the fucking time.
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I will do anything to avoid going to the store on Sunday. It took me too long to learn.
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Lol - I had to. Learn the same lesson.
Google Maps has been a great help to know when to go to places like the grocery store or gym.
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Usually the opposite, maybe branch out and find new friends (don't have to lose the old ones lol) I could have fun wherever going out with the right people.
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Then again we aren't usually just drinking, that sounds terrible
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I'm so glad I'm here I can't wait to leave
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I try to remember what I don't like doing so that I can do something that I like doing instead next time
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Not any more.
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No. I rarely go out, so I cherish every time I do. I have young kids and the dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
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Only if I wind up around a lot of other people. People’s behavior in crowds and public transport tends to piss me off to an irrational degree.
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Went to a new restaurant after work when I knew it wouldn't be busy. Just felt lonely but in that moment, that's pretty much what I thought. It wasn't a bar place, just a restaurant. I'm introverted af and so I don't like small talk anyway but yeah. Life gets to you.
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Nah, I always think that it's even better than I could comprehend inside. (being stressed in your own home is not fun)
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Leave house
Immediately have to get in car, risk life, risk money, spend spend all my attention, wait a long time, just to have to take up valuable square footage downtown parking the damned thing
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Frequently the opposite thought occurs, and I have a good time. I recommend forgetting yourself and asking people around you to tell you about themselves. They’ll soon ask you about you. You can make friends that way. If they don’t ever ask about you, they’re an asshole.
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Yea, I'm just not interested any more.
I used to want to understand people better, but it's always the same old thing - everyone's got a chip on their shoulder and it's tiresome dealing with that.
I just wanna hang out and get to know you, but that chip really gets in the way.
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Not everyone has a chip, though. What everyone does have is a soul. Try to reach it in some kind of positive way, and people will like you.
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It’s because you live somewhere built for cars and not for people.
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Hey baby, wanna bone?
82 comments
Nope. I usually think "I should go out more" and then when I'm still recovering two days later I think "Ah, this is why I don't go out more."
And when you look at your bank account the next day
Why would I do that to myself, I wait for the credit card statement and take it all in at a gulp
relevant (?) Bill Watterson
Yep, I always try to keep it going a 2nd day too extending my hangover to a week
Yep. It's somewhat ingrained in UK culture, at least for people of my gen. I'm 48 this weekend, and plan on staying in with my fam and maybe having a few beers. But that's only because I'm off for a city break with friends next week to see The Beta Band and basically eat and drink for 2 days. Can't wait.