Choose A or B

B, and it isn’t even close.

75

What about B appeals to you

10
- Also balding
  
  84
- It’s more that infinite uncles implies an incredibly high rate of being molested. If it’s literally infinite, it’s being molested a lot.
  
  36
- Infinite uncles means the population of earth is completely unsustainable and the collapse of every system is imminent.
  
  10
- For me, literally everything except the balding and I really couldn't give a shit, I'll buzz it all off anyway.
  
  Infinite rare fish? Well as it happens, fishing is my biggest hobby, so that's just fuckin delightful.
  
  Mongolian real estate empire? Well that's passive income and/or something I can sell. As a mongol mogul, in gonna try working the angle of an exotic but affordable fishing, hunting, and nature tourism destination, really try to put Mongolia on the map for Western tourists.
  
  No taxes dovetails nicely here, also making it easier to both expand as well as make the business model more resilient.
  
  Neighbors scared of me? Great! If they seem cool, I'll reach out to them, otherwise, fear is a great way to not have to deal with shitty neighbors! In Mongolia they'll be far away anyway.
  
  Night light to keep the monsters at bay.
  
  And the balding we will deal with by just keeping it buzzed low or shaving my head completely.
  
  5
- Fuck taxes
  
  5
Rare Fish

2
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  
  Rare Fish
  
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
  
  2

B all the way. I'll use my real estate and no taxes to figure out a way to make a fuck ton of $400/month apartments like it's 1990 to help the less fortunate/average person. I'll then use the no taxes to hopefully refine my business model to the point of making my affordable apartment business more widespread across the entire country and just keep expanding until I get either assassinated or receive a Nobel Prize.

61

rip in pices

5
Depends on how scared the neighbors are. Are they "let's avoid that guy" scared, or "we better kill him before he kills us" scared ?

5
- I feel like it depends on who the neighbors are. Live in a suburb, cool. Live 45 minutes from the closest grocery store... yeah that neighbor is likely to murder you.
  
  2
unfortunately the real estate is in mongolia. Already pretty cheap there, but no one wants to move there

1

B is preferable mainly because the prospect of always being hard seems horrible.

53

Having to contact my doctor every 3 hours sounds exhausting.

21
I'd probably chop it off tbh

2

Ok and hear me out here... Tell me more about the Uncles.

Because if they are gainfully employed in a variety of fields I now have amazing contacts for anything on the cheap.

If they are the "handsy" uncles, they are significantly less desireable.

40

You have an infinite number of uncles. Statistically, many of them are going to be billionaires, handsy creeps or creeps out to collect your hands.

9
- If its effectively a normal spread of people then its a resource. If this is some genie trick with unintended consequences like all of them being unemployable alcoholics who all need a place to crash then its a liability.
  
  3
- Or they are all equally useless.
  
  1
Universe collapses into a black hole made of uncles

3

Infinite rare fish sounds awesome, but I'm a bit concerned about logistics

27

Infinite things, by definition, can not be rare.

10
- Unless you control their availability.
  
  11
- One fish of an in infinite number of species
  
  3

22

B. Obviously. Not even a question

17

of those 12 attributes, only two of them are desirable.

I'm just gonna opt out of this entire post.

15

Infinite rare fish

They’d no longer be considered “rare” then, right? Or can only I eat/keep them?

Night light

Could be good or bad. Is this a night light in just one specific room? Is it a flashlight I always have on me to use as needed? Is it a glowing orb that floats around me that I can’t control?

14

Every rare fish is the only one of its kind

10
- Do you just will them unto existence?.. because I am pretty sure with that skill you could convince enough people you're God to start a new cult.
  
  1

Can I unplug the night light?

13

yeah but theres a second one

9
- Can I unplug that too?
  
  4

B. Sell all the fish, House the homeless, not have to pay taxes on anything including selling of fish and housing the homeless, walk past my neighbors every night at 10:01 PM with a cart of rare fish, pay for more hair with rare fish.

12

I thought this was about Animal Crossing because of the fish but regardless B

11

Do all the fish exist right away or I can just like summon them from the void whenever I want?

11

Are the uncles the same?

2

B. Use fish to fund low income/homeless/transitional shelters. Also, balding. That's more hair than I have now!

10

Is Mongolian real estate empire a tent shop?

8

What kind of "guess the billionaire" game is this?

8

Seriously specific

7

Probably A. Gotta get that balding

7

Both are balding. You are just covering up the fact that you want an infinite amount of uncles

14
- No, just the balding. (How did you know?)
  
  6

I think people are overestimating the ease of selling and market demand for rare fish. Most are likely not edible or desirable to be eaten.

7

Oh they're dead fish? I was hoping to restore threatened and endangered species.

8
- Who said that they are endangered? What if they are all new invasive fish, it didn't say they already existed in nature, simply that they are rare. A one of a kind fish, is the rarest of fish.
  
  3

B. Not even a question. A is awful (except being friends with Tom could be chill)

6

Being friends with Tom Hardy seems like the worst bit. Who the hell wants to be friends with some preppy english toff?

4
- Everyone
  
  1

A, I'd create an uncle army and take over the world.

6

I'm more peaceful, I would just make an uncle reactor.

5
- Oh so universal unlimited energy. Why not do both?
  
  2
- Uncleareactor
  
  2

i'd give anything to have a constant boner

4

No way I'd want to do weird toilet yoga every time I went for a piss

18
- Toilet yoga - I'm remembering this
  
  1
I hope we'll never see you at the community swimming pool

2

On the one hand, no taxes. On the other,

3

A: uncles take care of themselves (unlike the fish), you can have much more fun with uncles. Always hard could be a problem... I mean, it means I could never wear jeans again. Could be always hard on demand. Also I really like lambos. Tom Hardy is a cool guy as well.

3

You have serious real estate & infinite rare fish you can sell for a lot of money, and the government isn't tax-raping your profits to death, you can buy several or more lambos.

2
- I might not be up to date with Mongolia real estate value. Isn't it most steppe? Plus I really don't want to deal with people to sell them the fish. I'm more for a relaxed and fun life with all my uncles and Tom Hardy, not the hustle.
  
  2

Infinite rare fish sounds like a modded skyblock resource generation system

3

This is the shitpostiest shitpost to ever have been shitposted. Bravo

3

Do I have to live in Mongolia?

2

B

2