Gandalfs a hobbit hiker

Maia, he?

Maia, hoe.

Maia. Ha ha.

...

WHEN YOU LEAVE MY GANDALF TURNS TO GREY

- Numa Numanorian

I think that is a literal storyline in Belgarath the Sorcerer. The wizard, Belgarath, spends thousands of years monitoring and manipulating various family lines. One of those is a line of dryads who are tiny and all female. He was "forced" to mate with them or they would kill him with bows, but he didn't really complain about it. He is able to avoid these "conflicts" in the future after discovering chocolate makes them orgasm.

Some times you don't think about how weird this shit gets until you explain it to someone else.

Some times you don't think about how weird this shit gets until you explain it to someone else.
Every anime ever
- Were the dryads 10,000 year old 12-year-old girls?
Bad memories since I read last week about David and Leigh Eddings having both spent a year in prison for horrific abuse of their adopted children :(
- Well... fuck.
  The simple word "extensive" on Wikipedia says plenty.
- Yeah, I loved those books.
  dusty unopened book noises
it gets easier when you learn the author was a piece of shit
ruins a beloved childhood book
- I still don't really understand this sentiment. Could you please explain why this is the case for you? I really mean this as curiosity.
  I can certainly understand current things, like if there is a book author right now that is a piece of shit and they try to sell a new book, of course I won't buy it. Also not support their old stuff. But why exactly is their effect in the past tainted by this? LotR is still an amazing book, talking about lots of good things like friendship, loyalty, self-sacrifice etc, creating a beautifully interesting fantasy world. Why is this ruined, why can you not appreciate this now that you know the author is a piece of shit?
He is able to avoid these "conflicts" in the future after discovering chocolate makes them orgasm.
So just regular humans then, got it.
Chocolate making women orgasm is common knowledge to anyone who's seen a dove commercial.

Puts a new meaning to hobbit hole.

Just give that whole hobbit hole description a re-read with this in mind... 😶
- "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole and that meant comfort."
A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He cums precisely when he means to.
Gandalf is into shortstacks

What season of Rings of Power will this subplot be in?

I can believe this. Pull some Old Toby out for the ladies and get all staffed up. Gandalf is coming out baby

Wonder what Tolkien would have made of all these fan theories.

- Wrong.
  Some of Tolkien's specific inspirations were the Germanic Sagas, including the Nibelungenlied and Volsunga Saga.
  A theme of both is that heros are often descendants of the Aesir, specifically Odin, and Gandalf is patterned after Odin to an undeniable degree, a wise and enigmatic warrior-mage often depicted as grey cloaked, proficient in rune lore, carrying a staff or spear.
  Not only that, Gandalf means elf with a stick, and a common theory for his origin among the men that knew he lived longer than mortals is that he was literally just an elf.
  Tolkien may or may not have specifically intended it, but he'd certainly agree that you could read it that way with the influences he drew from, and it is also a special point of his Middle Earth (aka Midgard btw) that the history they tell isn't necessarily the history that happened. The hobbits having forgotten that it was Gandalf banging GranGran Took or mistaking him as an elf isn't just a likely theory, it's a probable one. Further, we also know that Maia WILL marry and have children from some of his other histories.
  Or not, and it was just an elf who died or returned to Valinor, with Gandalf just keeping an eye on the line! He's tricky like that.
This is the first I've read this particular take, but I got about the same from my recent read of "The Hobbit". This is, at the least, heavily implied.
There's clearly a past relationship, causing loyalty, and it specifically follows the Took bloodline.
I'm sure there are other explanations than Gandalf loving and sleeping with a Took sometime in the past...but there aren't really any simpler explanations that include the familial (possibly genetic) aspect.
Gandalf always checks in with Took family members, and has done so longer than anyone can remember.
Took family members tend toward an adventurous spirit that defies explanation in their Hobbit culture. Took family members tend to leave home, return wealthy, and say very little about their time spent away.
Gandalf only takes an interest in Bilbo upon learning that Bilbo has Took bloodline.
Various characters criticise Gandalf's involvement with Hobbits in ways that maybe have "there's more to this" undertones. This one is iffy, there's always "more to this" with Gandalf, anyway.
Everyone knows Gandalf loves Hobbit....smoking weed.
It could really be as simple as Gandalf and a Took Hobbit ages back had adventures and became practically brothers/sisters in arms. Perhaps Gandalf owes some kind of oath to a dying Took. But it doesn't feel like an oath in the books.
Gandalf acts like distant family.
But there's undeniably an awful lot of "Gandalf acts like an agesless great great grand uncle to all Tooks" going on.
nodding Nicholsonly