My problem is I think I'm a hummingbird, but I'm probably more woodpecker

Hummingbirds are not silent, they sound like the most gigantic wasp you've ever heard

18

It's like a two-stroke vertebrate.

4
They chirp, a lot.

Hummingbirds are territorial little fucks.

1

Their brains are in a little fluid filled crash couch so they can slam the face knife repeatedly while their brain just gently jiggles around.

11

Doesn't their tongue wrap around it?

3
- thats the underside of their crash couch
  
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This person has never been strafed by an angry hummingbird for daring to refill the feeder!

Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've ever seen a hummingbird that isn't angry. Their entire language is just high-pitched invective and curses.

Beautiful creatures, but it's a damn good thing they're so little.

7

Ours strafe us when we forget to refill the feeders, especially in the winter when food is scarce. They fly over 60 mph, so it's pretty scary when they go zipping past, inches from your face.

3

Shoop-da-whoop: Imma firin mah lazer, blaaaaah

4

Why am I hearing the hummingbird as a soft spoken Patrick Stuart, and the woodpecker as Eddy Murphy's donkey?

3

Woodpeckers simply peg the tree

2

Is this a Kyle Kinane joke? Why did my mind immediately make it into his voice and delivery?

1

Woodpeckers are the Robertos of the bird world.

1

Why do people have to use crypto as a prefix for everything?

1

when they want to suggest something is hidden?

1
- Are you sure?
  
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