6 mo. ago • 95%

A definitive list of woke and non-woke foods

thespinoff.co.nz A definitive list of woke and non-woke foods

Unsure if your snack gets the David Seymour tick? This will clear things up.

Please keep this handy for when Seymour starts coming after parents who feed their kids Quinoa and hummus charging them with child abuse.

Remember folks. Only feed your kids high carb, high fat, fried, nutritionally empty foods.

Also of course no vegetables of any sort.

Not The Onion @lemmy.world A definitive list of woke and non-woke foods

25 comments

It’s a sad state we’re in that we have politicians in power who unironically use the term “woke”.

21
- Over here in the UK we had the goddamn Home Secretary describe climate protestors as the "tofu-eating wokerati" in a speech in the actual House of Commons a few years back
  
  11
  
  Seems like we're always a couple years behind the trends!
  
  3
- Fucking flush the lot of these career degenerates
  
  8
  
  Put em in the bin.
  
  2
- I decided that tomorrow I am going to eat some middle eastern food tomorrow and create a woke explosion so loud David Seymour will hear it and send his anti woke army after me.
  
  I am going to eat couscous, bulgur, hummus, parsley, tomatoes, cucumbers, dates, and use all kinds of woke spices like sumac, cumin and cardamom. I am going to drink pomegranite juice, and espresso and maybe even a chai latte. I think I might even wear some middle eastern clothing if I have anything resembling that in the closet. I am hoping that's going to be woke enough to alert him but I might have to rely on avocado toast with a poached egg and wilted spinach as additional weaponry if it doesn't work.
  
  6
  
  Everyone should just send his office pictures of their meals everyday to get confirmation if it's woke or not
  
  2
Possession of a non-fried vegetable is a felony in Jacksonville

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I hate how he was justifying removing the program a few weeks ago and now he's walking around talking about how good it is. All he has done is cut quality.

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I feel happy knowing that i ate woke food today

7
Cheddar cheese is woke?

7
- In NZ we have names for cheddar based on age.
  
  Cheese, colby, edam, mild, tasty = NOT WOKE
  
  In this list, mild and tasty are both cheddar. In the UK tasty may be called "sharp", though in NZ you can get a pretty wide range of sharpness between brands all labeled as "tasty".
  
  4
  
  Tasty... cheese.
  
  Suggesting perhaps that all other varients are not tasty?
  
  4
Coffee is woke because it keeps you awake and chamomile is non-woke because it makes you go to sleep. Toast is also woke because it's a great breakfast food. But bacon isn't woke, because meat is murder.

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But I fed my kids red quinoa on Monday, and last night we had manuka smoked garlic hummus on our harissa lamb.

I now will submit to the government reeducation camp, I am clearly a degenerate and need to be "corrected".

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- Question from a concerned parent: did the quinoa turn your kids gay?
  
  3
  
  Hard to tell, still too young. Could have lasting damage.
  
  2
Damn, a 40-year-old man is a boomer and he became a minister. This really sucks..

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ROFL This is so pathetic, they really though they did something! Robbing the children of healthy meals is something the Right would do over here if they had at least two brain cells being shared between each other that day.

5
I stopped reading when he said hot chips aren't woke. You don't even know the rules of your stupid, made-up game.

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- Something something eat hot chip and lie.
  
  3
Without clicking I can guarantee one thing: coffee is woke af buzzzzzz buzzzzzzz

4
Not my crunchy peanut butter!

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Chickpeas = WOKE

Chips, hot = NOT WOKE

This for some reason makes sense to me. Not like, logically. Just like... I can see why someone would say that.

3
Love some of the spin-off articles. You can make your own in the same vein.

Woke: Spaceman candy sticks Non woke: Spaceman cigarettes.

Sushi rules.

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