4 mo. ago • 97%

The ones with no packaging and dangerously short fuses for some reason

29 comments

Had one of these uncles, he also featured a single good eye, the other damaged in a previous fireworks mishap. Didn't stop him though, and the bad eye could see clear underwater he'd say.

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- the bad eye could see clear underwater he'd say.
  
  Well that's fuckin' fascinating! I want an amphibious uncle.
  
  26
  
  Uncle Ribbit.
  
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“Uncle” Mike, always coming through with the half sticks and a “you didn’t get this from me”. 🤙

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I was that uncle one time. We blew a bucket into orbit.

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- I didn't have a chance to be this year, but I'm usually that uncle. I've also been known to repackage individual fireworks into much larger fireworks. I used to make thermite but I'm too nervous for that now.
  
  I do take safety precautions and the kids don't get to play with the shit that will blow you up. If an adult wants to blow off their fingers that's their problem.
  
  Blasting a bucket into orbit is fun!
  
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  You make me want to visit Texas. They should sign you up for the tourist board.
  
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My wife's uncle brought out some homemade dynamite. I wasn't getting anywhere near it, but that shit rocked the house from across the field.

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- 1920s moment
  
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Gandalf riding to the Shire.

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- Gandalf was rocking a very different look in his younger years.
  
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They save money on the fuse length.

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Uncle jumps up onto the deck

You and the other kids get ready for a fire works show

Jake the Snake reaches into his bag and drops a hundred pound python onto your shoulders

The kids roar with excitement as you pass out from the snake wrapped around your neck and chest

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- Needs to do the DDT first. Then the snake after the 3 count lol
  
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  lol .... god we used to go wild watching all that when we were kids and mock DDT the youngest kid in our group
  
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Fuck no, not anymore. Firework prices have gone insane.

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- I can't remember what the name of the firework the store was selling was, but the one near us had a banner saying that six of them were $300.
  
  And people go in and out of that place all day.
  
  2
The reason is Fun.

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And they end up saving you from a werewolf attack.

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Hey- we weird uncles work hard to get the good stuff. Don't be hatin'!

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My mother was just telling me about "Motorcycle Pete", an old man who lived in our neighborhood through her childhood and early adulthood who was known for making homemade fireworks for the kids in town.

The city him to stop after 9/11.

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