8mo ago

Trump Admits Relationship With Epstein Severed After Dispute Over Dibs On Ivanka

theonion.com Trump Admits Relationship With Epstein Severed After Dispute Over Dibs On Ivanka

PALM BEACH, FL—Asserting that the pair had not been close “for decades” prior to the financier’s death, Donald Trump admitted Friday that his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein was severed after a dispute over dibs on the former president’s daughter Ivanka Trump. “We had a very good time for many yea...

27 comments

Alright. At what point do we admit that The Onion is just serving out legitimate factual stories?
This absolutely happened, right?
- It took me quite the moment to realize this was the onion so likely yes.
  
  I straight up ate the onion this time.
- Yes it sounds plausible but the timeline does not add up. When Ivanka was 14 they were still friends.

Damn, got me. Didn't see the community this was for a sec and it had me going.
- Yup. I bit too. When the Onion is this fast it's hard to catch them. The Carlson Tucker one almost got me too.
  
  This one too plausible for satire.

You can tell this is from The Onion, because their sick relationship probably never soured.
- ... Because they absolutely would have just taken turns
  
  Eiffel Tower or Devil’s?
- I mean, there was that post earlier today about someone having about 100 hours of voice recordings of interviews with Epstein about shit Trump told him, about the white house and otherwise.
- Supposedly it did, but because Trump kept saying the quite part loud.

Hmm, seems about right...
glances at url
ah

Well I ate that one.

DAMNIT. I really ate the onion here. Good job.
- Was literally you comment that made me realise what was going on. Lord everything is cooked ATM

Trump aint sharing
- "If I can't have her, no one can have democracy."

Hot damn this one got me.

I recently mused that it has got to be hard for the Onion to come up with something these days given how reality keeps catching up to satire, but this headline proves it's not just hard, it's downright impossible to satirize Trump.

Wow I almost fell for this. Sounds so believable in today's atmosphere.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
- Imagine doing that every day for the next four years. Please vote.
  
  For Kamala, specifically.

*Not-the-Onion

Guys, why are y'all just topping the least funny Onion articles? It's mostly political stuff ☹️

27 comments