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Stamets [Mirror] @startrek.website

1 yr. ago • 96%

Would be the best date in existence

86 comments

The calamari rings are a bit chewy.

103
- 6
- Take your upvote, for a full on belly laugh with an aftertaste of disgust.
  
  4
OK, standard charcuterie board.... Wait.... Is that weed? And blow? And are those condoms? OhShit. You got gummy worms? I'm down.

62
- Don't forget the coffee beans next to the cheddar
  
  19
- I don’t think chicken nuggets are standard either..
  
  12
  
  They should be.
  
  6
You pre open the condoms? That can't be good.

51
- The crumbs add texture
  
  47
  
  Makes cleanup tastier!
  
  10
  
  and taste
  
  5
  
  Putting them next to the cheeses really enhances the smell
  
  3
- Those are just the display models, so you can smell them.
  
  16
- You have to air them out first and maybe rub some coke on them...
  
  7
I don’t see any dates on that board.

36
There are a couple of items I would replace with more cheese

32
- Yeah that coke and weed is taking up some valuable cheese real estate
  
  10
  
  The drugs need to stay but earwax cheese and open condoms need to go.
  
  1
  
  I would replace all the drugs, candy and chicken nuggets(?) With good cheese, real bread and maybe a couple of fruits (grapes, cherry tomatos, blueberries)
  
  1
- Yeah the condoms. I'm not getting laid lmao that entire board is a party for 1 in my book
  
  4
  
  Swap the condoms for a buttplug and some lube !
  
  1
The coffee and cocaine is there to counter the side effects of weed and whiskey. Not sure why the condoms are there though because after that much coke weed and whiskey you won't be able to feel your dick anyway.

27
- Sounds like a sequencing issue to me
  
  9
- Not sure why the condoms are there though because after that much coke weed and whiskey you won't be able to feel your dick anyway.
  
  Maybe for you rook. If that is good blow you might be thumbing in a gummy, but you'd feel it just fine.
  
  7
  
  I don't think those gummy worms are meant for insertion. That could lead to a nasty yeast infection.
  
  5
  
  Pushing rope and smoking dope.
  
  3
You want a slice of salami after we do a line?

26
- Maybe roll up the salami and snort it through the meat straw?
  
  23
  
  Mmm. Wet.
  
  6
  
  Definitely roll up the salami and snort it through the meat straw. FTFY
  
  3
- No, that's for after the weed
  
  7
I love charcuterie. A lot. It’s like my favorite goddamn thing the fancier the better I will start adding drugs though. As a side, my wife calls it “sharp coochie” and thinks she a goddamn comedy genius for it. She looks forward to saying it

24
- That's funny, I like to use "shark coochie"
  
  6
- she must like that one movie.
  
  5
  
  Teef
  
  3
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with those loose coffee beans but sure!

21
- You put them in a condom, shake wildly, and then lick each coffee bean for extra strawberry flavor
  
  14
  
  Hmmm
  
  2
- They should definitely be chocolate covered. I've had those and they're excellent.
  
  10
  
  I thought they were pistachios
  
  1
- Also, why do we need coffee AND cocaine? I feel like the caffeine is just superfluous at that point.
  
  7
I hate to be the party pooper, but is that coke or fentanyl?

Its 2023, so it's better not to assume

20
- I mean, there are so many drugs that just come as a white powder.
  
  13
  
  And it's just a picture on the internet, so the white powder doesn't even have to be a drug.
  
  4
- With a trusted source, you can absolutely get bangin fent-free coke.
  
  5
  
  Yeah, because coke dealers are so often trustworthy people.
  
  7
- Coke with fentanyl in it.
  
  5
- it's 2023, so ... a little of column A, a little of column B
  
  4
It's a good spread, but it should be sorted into courses so that you're not mixing savory and sweet, uppers and downers, etc. at the same time and not overwhelming your date with choice paralysis.

17
- You missed a “snorted into courses” opportunity
  
  0
Wow, and they said romance was dead!

13
Are those finger condoms?

11
- They're almost the size of the bottom of the cup how the fuck big do you need it to be?
  
  14
  
  Needs to fit balls too
  
  15
  
  Cups, shot glasses or strange glass thimbles?
  
  3
  
  Look, idk about OP, but waaaay early on in my first days of sex, one of the sets of condoms we got just wouldn't fit.
  
  There she was waiting for me.
  
  "What do you mean it won't fit?"
  
  "It won't stretch enough to get through the ring."
  
  "That explains a lot." (It took her a while to get "used to me")
  
  It's only been a problem with two kinds, so I avoid those.
  
  2
- They can be
  
  1
  
  FINALLY, something my size.
  
  4
If you present me with this then we're already married.

10
- Permanently Deleted
  
  -2
Don't threaten me with a good time.

10
So is it one dick three times or three dicks one time?

10
- Permanently Deleted
  
  12
- Yes, in that order
  
  7
Who just leaves whole-ass nugs of bud out like that? Shit's gonna get dried out.

7
- Personally I prefer dry weed. I hate those bowls that just keep going because the moisture needs to be evaporated before it will all burn. I just want to hit that shit then get back to whatever else I was doing, even if the flavour isn't as good. I don't have weed for the flavour, it's just icing on the cake when it's a nice one.
  
  4
  
  Hell ya, I'll even go a step further. I like trash weed. I'm not trying to get too ducked up by accident. Dirt weed in a pinner or a bowl is a known quantity. Familiar, nostalgic, predictable.
  
  2
6
I don’t see any dates on that board.

5
The shrinkflation with condoms is next. Wring it out and double on up, folks.

I would only supplement by suggesting both parties wear their respectively gendered condom solution du jour so everyone only has to clean the one side of said condom(s)

5
The sour worms are for a presumptuous breakfast.

4
I'll pass the coffee, cocaine and weed.

2
Get off Facebook or whatever the fuck this is, Dad

-1
- You must be fun to date
  
  1
  
  I was more joking that my Dad does exactly this without the condoms or anything else morally icky
  
  Edit: also I don't date. I belong to me!
  
  -1
OH-OH, Internet, you are too funny. OH-OH

This meme-bro culture, seriously....

-5

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