Red hat = No cat
Red hat = No cat
200 comments
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A good chunk of these dudes are closeted self-hating homosexuals projecting and lashing out so they aren't even TRULY motivated by lacking "a woman" except in which how much it frustrates them that they can't feel an attachment toward these people whom they have been told are the trophy awarded for their hardships. Which is delusional and stupid of course.
Obviously it's not a bad thing that they're gay; it sucks that they hate themselves and feel motivated to balance it by pretending that those aspects of themselves which they hate are things for which they hate others harder. If they didn't hate so much, maybe they'd have a shot at being happy.
Oh well. They live in a hell of their own creation. Serves them right.
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Meanwhile, all the progressive poly guys I know who have figured out how to deeply respect women have more partners than they really have time for. And quite a few of them are not "good looking" by any conventional standard (though some are).
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How many progressive poly guys do you know?
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I'm aro/ace and not dating, but my circle of friends is progressive and most have become poly over the last 5 years.
So I'm acquainted with probably +25 poly guys, most of whom skew progressive (but there are a few who lean more libertarian in there too, and a couple anarchists), and am good enough friends with probably 5 progressive poly guys to have a good sense what they have learned, how they treat their partners, and what their partners find appealing.
To be fair, to me polyamory looks like an insane amount of effort for the payoff - bc I am not interested in even one relationship let alone the intense effort of managing multiple. But from what I have seen, successfully being poly means learning a ton about boundaries, communication, and maintaining respect because all parties constantly have to manage jealousy and limited attention each of their partners. If you don't respect one partner - poof!! -- that relationship is over. And your other partners will likely hear about it, in detail, from both sides and litigate it bc they have a stake both in you and in being someone with you. It is a ton of drama.
But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.
Like I said, the guys I know who have stuck with it and learned the necessary people skills now have the problem of having too much interest. Including one friend who had terrible luck dating before and who I worried was on the verge of becoming an incel. Then he dated one of my first friends who was poly, and she kind of taught him in no uncertain terms how this works. Between that and his next poly girlfriend, I watched him become someone who is deeply considerate of his partners and is also confident about his boundaries and what he can offer. He's got like 4 relationships going on, 2 of which are long term.
And again - the biggest change I saw in him was that he stopped seeing the women he wanted to date as games to win or challenges to overcome, and stopped carrying the frustration and shame that comes with the 'failure' to 'score'. He still looks at women with clear desire, but that desire doesn't make him feel like he has to be manipulative or play games.
I don't know how to explain it except that he has a respect for the women he courts that most single guys do not. Maybe it's that he has less to fear from rejection, so he doesn't have to mentally dehumanize women as a coping mechanism. And this is a feature I see in most poly men, and have seen emerge in men as they fall into poly.
Actually - I'm going to ponder the 'able to respect women more bc they have less to fear from rejection' idea more, personally.
That alone may be a big part of their appeal, because a lot of the threat that women have to navigate when being courted is how to safely disengage if a promising flirtation turns sour. There is a lot more enthusiasm to explore or move fast when you are free to say no without fear of a possibly violent meltdown.
And poly guys aren't going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.
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a lot of those kinda guys i knew were assholes when it came to women. like especially when you talked to them about a past ex they’d go into a rant about how they were such a bitch or whatever and how crazy she was. tbh i don’t trust any man that loves pretty words but doesn’t follow through on them in their actions.
point is the whole “good guys get pussy” thing is just world fallacy. plenty of assholes that get pussy exist.
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like one youtubers i used to follow, there are someone for everyone. even killers/serial killers have a partner of some sort, despite knowing that they are murderers. not good looking, but have a very fun or attractive personality. the common thing that steers people away, is being broke(although not always the case), hygiene and dressing well seems to be a major one.
men with pets often gets attention too, it makes you look less creepy and more of a normal person and a potential parent.(thats why there are so many thirst traps of men(although they are already attractive) pet animal videos, like with the dodo.
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That's how I found my wife. She was very impressed with my love and care for the last living dodo, which I keep safe from extinction solely for selfish purposes.
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Pardon, but it smacks of weird defensiveness that you feel the need to bring up that serial killers often have intimate partners as some kind of counterpoint to the fact that men who figure out how to respect women's boundaries are highly sought as partners.
Serial killers likely find partners by being manipulative and playing mind games - ie, being psychopaths.
Clearly the evidence that men who respect women have major success fostering reliable and enjoyable relationships with them is somehow highly threatening to a lot of guys.
Something has to immediately be said that instead says "but not respecting women also works." Followed by crude red pill thinking - "And aren't all women dumb bc some seem to like danger? And also, women are superficial, so pretend to like a puppy bc that works a lot."
I know media has taught men that masculinity is basically defined by being able to disrespect women and think of them as winnable objects but --
Mentally healthy women aren't falling for that shit. And you guys hate the baggage that the traumatized ones have who are insecure enough fall for that crap.
You could give up the machismo to try.. respect and growing into someone who could be happy?
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I’m a 42 year old man with a cat and still single due to living in a very rural republican area and all women here are hardcore Trump fans so I’ll just stay single and spend time with my cat.
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Based cat-daddy! :D
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It must be hard to find friends too in that area. Hope you are doing fine.
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I do alright, it’s crazy just like most things seeing people and friends you grew up with slowly becoming brainwashed and you having to distance yourself from them. Like most conservative people Covid broke and still is breaking a lot of people’s minds here.
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I feel that..my Ginger is all I need here in bumfuck Kentucky.
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I'm assuming it's not an option to relocate.
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Yea unfortunately, my job pays really good and has good benefits. And I’m born and raised here with all my family living here or within a few hours drive.
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As someone left of Mamdani, why should my choice of Linux distro prevent me from having a loving feline pet?
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Enterprises don't get pets. Why else would you use RH?
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Bunch of em are probably on Grindr with each other
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In the UK that would be Red Hat => No Twat
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if every conservative woman hitched with every conservative man they would be 84% in a relationship.
but many conservative men are unpalatable even to conservative women
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it's almost like being conservative comes with almost inherent traits that make someone undesirable as a partner. lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity...
there's a reason many conservatives in dating apps hide their beliefs. they know its a red flag for many more things than their "politics".
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The last woman I dated before my current girlfriend was a conservative woman. I didn't see any flags for it, she seemed really open minded, and was very well educated. Shame on me for being so blind I suppose.
She turned out to have a husband and a young son. I'm not entirely sure what to believe since cheaters will say a lot of things, but she apparently hated her marriage a lot. She wouldn't leave due to her beliefs though.
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So many of them don’t want to date conservative women. Like you can have a bio that explicitly says “no thanks conservatives” and they still try to slide in. Or hide it.
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unless they are rich, they are more likely stick with them if they have the moolah.
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Good. There are values and traits that should not procreate.
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I mean, ya gotta be careful. Are they conservative because they are lonely, or are they lonely because they are conservative
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Yes
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I suspect that women aren't dating conservative men, not because they want to punish them, but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.
It's a pretty bad spiral. Lonely men develop more extremist views, which makes them less attractive to women, which makes them lonelier, and they get even more extremist views, etc.
Like, if you lined all of the single men up who vote against women's rights, and asked an equal number of women to sacrifice their own happiness to date them, a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human. But who is going to give up their own happiness to fix some broken asshole stranger? Very few people.
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You can't put that on the women. Men have got to get their shit together. Just show a bit of empathy, bro! It's not that hard, humans are literally wired for it. It's just that capitalism is reinforcing humankind's worst impulses.
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I suspect that women aren’t dating conservative men
Well, there are plenty of conservative women too, so that can't tell the whole story, can it?
Looks like conservative men and liberal women are in similar boats, statistically:
In broad terms, there are only 0.6 single liberal young men for each single liberal young woman; likewise, only 0.5 single conservative young women exist for every conservative young man. Statistically, in other words, about half of these ideologically minded young singles face the prospect of failing to find a partner who shares their politics.
This implies the liberal men are dating the conservative women, lol.
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I suspect that women aren’t dating conservative men, not because they want to punish them, but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.
Considering how many women remain in an abusive relationship, I'm not sure that conservative men have less chances.
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BUT, exceptions also occur, woman do date horrible men, if they are horrible themselves or they make some poor choices themselves. thats why incels have no excuse there something for everyone. they are just looking in the wrong place, looking for woman in areas that are more liberal of course they will have more resistance, or they are looking for woman that are only interested income/attractiveness maybes a little harder poc-wise.
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a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human
over here in Real World Land, what will happen is those women will get abused, physically and sexually
these men have a violent hatred for women. they don’t need a girlfriend, they need therapy and, failing that, a life of imprisonment far from the people they’re a danger to
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but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.
That's not what women consider when choosing dates. Even the nicest (as a person) women.
They consider safety, reliability, how fun or not the person is, everything, but that everything is more practical than moral. Especially since evaluating someone by moral criteria from the first glance is an almost impossible task. Since women are in bigger danger from making mistakes, they usually know that.
Even when they share stupid posts from dating apps or whatever, the focus is on stupidity and awkwardness, not on someone being a douche, because honestly sex is not like other spheres of life and a woman being like "sorry, below 2 meter tall is not for me, and also I like guys with blue eyes and a car" is pretty normal, which, well, in other circumstances is being a douche.
And the proportion of good and bad people among men and women is the same, a reminder in case someone forgot this, ahem.
I don't think this has much to do with the conservative\liberal category at all.
More like vulnerable\healthy, or insecure\content. The vulnerable and insecure parts of population in our time and situation might be more likely to feel conservative, but in essence this is not important.
I mean, OK, somewhere around 50s there were plenty of stats how women actually strongly prefer conservative men, while in average more men were liberal than conservative. Today this seems to be reverted.
The ideologies are secondary, just if a man talks too much of their ideology to a potential date, they need some therapy first, and if a man can't manage some tact about their ideology when that correlates with misogyny, they are not trying hard enough to get that date, and if both are wrong but the other side wants to kill them with fire for their mind having been touched with that impure abomination of thought, then probably the other side needs some therapy. And - I know it's hard to consider, but maybe, - some people are just not meant for each other, there's that.
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Lonely men develop more extremist views
Ah yes, the lonely man® with the agency of a fucking houseplant.
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There are a lot of progressive men that are lonely. I'd say, I fall under that category. And woof, dating as a progressive man ain't no walk in the park.
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Here I am going to be the distasteful contrarian progressive, but it's because I'm desperately hoping people see that the difference isn't dating.
Because yes, you are right, as a single progressive man, dating is no walk in the park. Plenty of good reasons for this on the side of women.
Are you lonely as termed by the actual problem of male loneliness? Do you have at least a couple of friends who you can get to lunch with? Do you have a brother, sister, cousin, parents, etc. nearby? Do you have someone to help you if you get sick? Do you have an active social group you feel included in?
If the answer to them is no, then yes, definitely you are in the loneliness group. Sure, dating can help with it - but what happens if/when you break up: you don't have the support there.
I'm really worried about how people are continuing to separate and blame things that aren't the root of problems on distractions.
Like I get it. I'm there. I'm divorced, I'm coming to terms that I was in a 15 year abusive relationship, I'm hurt by her cheating on me twice, I'm hurt by her rejecting my joys and attempts at connecting and reconnecting, I miss the idea of being with her. It's been over two years since I slept next to her, or anyone.
She tried to isolate me. She love bombed me. She gaslit me. She threatened me.
But I had a kid, I have my parents, my brother, several friends, a couple of regular groups I meet up with. I desperately want the love life I pretended to have. But if it weren't for that support system in place, I would have killed myself two years ago.
Instead I lost the weight that was actually killing me. I put muscle on where I've had none. There are physical features I cannot change that affect my physical attractiveness that I get that will impede my ability to date via apps.
That's how I was able to figure this all out. The fact that you are progressive means that you see the value in other people, and see the value in connection.
There has been narratives pushed for decades to try and isolate us, gaslight us, and threaten us as humans. We need to put our oxygen mask on first before helping others.
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They are conservative because they are stupid
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It's both. Young men are being pushed right because much leftleaning messaging has decided to, uncharacteristically, broadly paint men in general as bad, instead of being more focused with their targets. This is unlike every other things where it fights against stereotyping.
The right is [falsely] promising solutions to their concerns.
The left is telling them it's their fault and to fuck off because other people have worse problems and blaming men [in general] for those other people's problems. And then wondering why they lost the young men in the last election. Young men are just as poor as everyone else, stop blaming them for shit old ass billionaires did before they were born.
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This sounds like a misrepresentation of left wing politics.
It sounds more like how the right defines the left which brings us to the real issue.
Outrage narratives have grown increasingly popular with social media and the right spends endless time blaring sirens on representing the left a certain way.
The left has in response, done little, to influence the narrative.
I personally have not heard the left as a whole admonishing individual men simply for being men.
I think an honest assessment of society, historically and now, should lead to the conclusion that we live in a male centric society that is gradually becoming less male centric. This is a good thing if you believe in fairness and egalitarianism (ie. not fascism).
It was a little more than 50 years ago that women could not hold credit and were expected to be subservient to their husbands or else be institutionalized for "mental illness".
I think many women see this backlash / desire to go back from conservative men as a skill issue so I'm not suprised they're looking elsewhere.
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thats not even remotely true at all, nowhere have been telling men is at fault for why there are problems lol. thats sucha mysogynistic view of the right wingers. i suspect you are only looking from a right wing prospective, because thats how conservative see the left. but the right love to place blame ON WOMEN for not dating conservative men, and plus for rightfully accusing them of SA/ or some other form of violence.
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I accidentally watched an interview to some right-wing incels, and I'd say that they were lonely because they fail as human being.
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"Grab 'em by the lack of pussy."
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Authoritarians are probably less likely to keep cats, either because they’re not obedient/useful or because keeping cats is coded as feminine and thus contemptible.
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Cats are lessons in consent and authoritarians hate consent.
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Couldn't be more wrong. Authoritarians are often psychopaths, and cats (honestly) are kinda psychopathic animals, if very charming, invasive predators and all that. So like many of them love cats and hate dogs (dogs are too direct and chaotic).
And when I had authoritarian views (monarchist with hard limitations, kinda similar to paleo-libertarians if I think about it, but I didn't have knowledge of such terms then ; it was really long ago and was a reaction at being autistic among not very nice people), I wanted to have a piece of territory covered in tall grass and bushes populated by cats, so.
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Wild take.
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Calling all cats psychopathic is like saying 'all my exes are crazy'. It's probably you, not them. Cats are very sensitive to body language, and like to have their boundaries respected as though they are 20x their size.
My cats bring me their favorite toy springs and meow at me until I accept their gift. They follow me everywhere I go, sleep by my side, and huddle up to me when I cry.
What you described was people liking cats as an ornament, not as a companion. Not to mention, dogs are far easier to train. Someone who enjoys authoritative control would likely prefer dogs over cats.
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How did the cat garden end up going?
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...there are people who can can give birth, people who cannot, those that "chose" to highlight the difference bringe forth "all" gender norms...fuck you...fuck you...fuck you...some humans can give birth, others can't...fuck you...
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I cant afford stable housing for myself, so I cant afford a cat.
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Red hat = no cat, no cap
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People usually want romantic partners to have a heart and a brain, and redhats and libertarians have neither.
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libertarians have neither
I would say that an ideology based on non-violence, choice and responsibility, with those being impossible to delegate, is exactly about having a heart and a brain at least potentially, unlike the rest.
In any case people who, I think, could be interested in dating me (maybe they were so strongly hinting at something else, but being autistic and very shy and lacking willpower, I'll never know) were of all kinds of political views. Some of those were even glad to hear about the libertarian kind of opinions. But importantly that wasn't the subject of our interactions.
So don't mix that American normalized intolerance with how women feel generally, please. Women are, ahem, as diverse as men.
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libertarians have neither
I would say that an ideology based on non-violence, choice and responsibility, with those being impossible to delegate, is exactly about having a heart and a brain at least potentially, unlike the rest
Lol what. That's not what libertarianism means in practice. In the real world it's always "I don't want to pay for other people, even if that means defunding the fire department so my house burns down".
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Red cap, no cat?
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Red Cap = No PLAP
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No cap
!slang for "no lie"!<
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No cap, red cat?
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Romantic relationships aren't the solution and seems to me like far left guys are more susceptible to the problem than conservatives.
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Communist in a happy and stable relationship reporting in.
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Slowly being radicalized liberal (possibly leftist) here reporting in from a happy and stable relationship
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Fuck it then, lets create a world were nobody has any sex
Noone will feel bad about being a virgin if literally everyone is a fucking virgin
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Yeah that worked well for the Catholic church, let's do that
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Damn, antinatalists, tryna sneak into the conversation!
Go on, git!
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So you're saying they have nothing to lose?
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Laugh it up, but don't get angry at third party voters when you continue to pretend you don't need those people's votes and lose again.
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I'd understand men, but conservative men? They aren't even an option unless they stop being conservative
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There have been many people who've gone viral across social media regarding their regret for voting Republican in the last election, and those are votes that could be snapped up by legitimate, thoughtful engagement.
Instead, we get these memes that are cheering on men's mental health and economic crises. Maybe it's fun to do that, but it's also stupid.
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I know you think "loosing again" would be this terrible thing but like bold of you to assume I want to bail you out of this horrible dystopia.
They gonna have to learn....
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Male loneliness epidemic doesn't have anything to do with being single or not 🤦
Why do you think they join extremist male organizations? It ain't to get laid.
That being said, if me being single is a byproduct of women collectively saying "fuck this conservative male bullshit," by all means keep at it. I'm much happier with those men not reproducing.
Edit: alright I'm starting to think my post did not convey the message I intended.
I am ok being single if conservative men are not reproducing. The rest of it remains unchanged. It does not have to do with being single or not.
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The right wing routinely try to co-opt terminology and twist it to their uses. You've fallen for this again by assuming every mention of a term is actually the twisted propoganda version.
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So, wait I'm really confused.
The twisted propaganda term is used for men not getting laid.
The actual problem is men having a distinct lack of social support.
I must not understand this meme then.
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Not getting laid might be part of the issue. People want to vent
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human beings have self-segregated into male/female as opposed to humans that can birth and humans that can't...it seems that is where the issue lies...
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What does this even mean?
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he means women should be giving birth and accepting men as they are, even shitty ones. the comment does sound very mysogynistic.
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Somebody can't tell the difference between their own identity and which identities the humanity as a whole needs. Probably.
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...i thought my words were clear and indicative, what part do you not understand?...
edit: spelling
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200 comments
Yes I think the bare minimum for many of us is becoming “no conservatives.”