bmw

I asked the local BMW dealer if I had to take a class to unlearn how to use a turn signal.

He did not find it funny, which I found even more hilarious.

So you’re telling me they’re not an optional extra?
- Correct. Blew my mind too.
- Nowadays the turn signal is probably a monthly subscription
From what I hear, the car itself beats it out of you.
- Based on the number of BMWs I see in the shop there?
  Something gets beat, that's for sure.
- You know, in retrospect, you are totally right.

Step 1: Please pay your Signal Light Subscription of $36/month to enable the bulbs.

Why pay if not used
- Fr that seems flagrantly wasteful
I can only imagine the frustration of engineers in BMW having to deal with finance people.
Engineer: "...So you want me to route the functionality of heated seats to a PCB to check for a payment variable, to prevent the person, who bought the car, to not be able to use a function already built in... Is that correct?"
Finance guy: "Yes! You got it!"
Engineer: "I know the answer is money but still... Why?!"
- Money
12 years ago. Back then shit was less dire.
- 2013 was plenty dire. We had Ted Cruz's friends in the House trying to dismember social security and medicare while Obama kept explaining away why we needed more troops in Afghanistan and fewer labor organizers in Ohio.
  The '08 Housing Crisis was still echoing through the US, the economy was stalling in the face of Congressional austerity, and people ringing the big "Climate Change is coming for us" dinner bell were once again getting told to shut up so we wouldn't scare away moderate republican voters in the 2014 midterms. Israel and Gaza had broken out into a brief shooting war, the recently-debunked Lancet "Vaccination-Autism" study was gaining traction among reactionary politicians, Jeffry Epstein was hanging out with Bill Gates on Palm Beach, and a fresh-faced NYC landlord with political aspirations was all over FOX News saying how he was on the verge of uncovering Obama's real birth certificate.
  The fuse was lit. We were all just in the fucking around phase, rather than the finding out part. Extremely dire situation.
“Before I begin, I recommend paying your heated seat subscription before bothering with stuff like the turn signals.”
- Turn signals only available with the deluxe interior / lighting package.
  ...
  For an additional 3 grand.

A good friend of mine was a BMW mechanic for years. His favorite joke was: "You know what the most soul crushingly pointless job is? The guy who installs turn signals at the BMW factory."

The peasants don’t need to know where I am going.
- They should be lucky enough to breathe my exhaust!

My hubby drives a bmw and every time he uses his turn signals I point out that he is confusing other drivers

Consistency is important.

when my BMW is reset, the soft turn signal only blinks once. I have to go and set it for 3 blinks. Ever since, I see BMW drivers sometimes only give one blink and if you blink you might miss it lol bad engineering on such great engineering

I did not know about soft turn signals until I saw this post.
I question why this feature exists. Drivers should be aiming to signal 10 seconds ahead. When making a lane change or turn, you should be keeping your signal on until the maneuver is completed. I can't think of a circumstance where 3 blinks is enough. 1 blink looks more like a mistaken signal.
- Law is 3 seconds here, which is a bit longer than 3, but not a lot. 10 can get ambiguous because there might be a street before the one you're actually turning at, and then you'll confuse others.
  The 3 blinks is mostly just for roundabout exits though, at least for me. 3 seconds of blinking could mean 2 different exits. Again, confus.
- three is good enough for lane changes on the freeway, sure 10 seconds would be optimal but it's not always realistic
  idk about 1 because I think it's absurd too
- I use the three blinks when exiting a roundabout.
- Ten seconds of signaling is insane. If you have the room, put on the blinker, change lanes safely, then turn it off.
  That's nearly a quarter mile at freeway speed and more than an average block in the city. You might as well just keep it on the entire time you're driving since nobody will know what you're signaling.
What do you mean by "when my BMW is reset"?
- There is a tiny pinhole in the top of the gear stick. If you put a paperclip in it for 5secs the horn honks and the BMW is reset. Afterwards you have to resync your key through the authenticator app and change your blinkers from one to three.
  If you hear a continuous honk. Your BMW is actually a transformer and you just sounded it's urethra.
- if the battery is disconnected, it loses some of the memory settings. like there's two available seat memories that get reset. plus saved radio stations and blinker preferences
Smoking gun
That and the water pumps

429K user be like :

I used to ride a motor bike and BMW divers are the reason I sold it. So many of them don't care about anyone beyond the range of their own knuckles.

Every driver in China is like that. The popular consensus seems to be if other drivers know what you plan to do, they will use it against you.
- Bro this is applicable EVERYWHERE 😂

This has spread to more than BMW drivers. Just this morning I saw a Lexus, a Chevy, and a semi not bother with them.

Are you sure you weren't just in Houston?
- When will people learn BAD DRIVERS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!
Look man, when I'm in my RC F, that V8 ought to be turning your head so you anticipate I'm going to pass you. Otherwise you're clearly not paying enough attention to my sick expensive car. (/s)
Depends on location. It is always the Lancia for me

429k views

(X) Doubt

Not BMW drivers obviously.
https://youtu.be/GAMCkJvECy8 462k Including me now, which i don't own a car. Lol

I almost got in an accident with a BMW driver, today. They made it look like they were turning but faked me out and went straight, instead. Then they proceeded to scream something at me in a different language for about 30 seconds, while blocking my turn. I was the only one who signaled. There's no point to this story, I just felt it added to the vibe here.

Coward! Enable the comments.

Owned a BMW 320i for 8 years.

I had no idea it could do that...

It is possible, but I had to install the aftermarket turn signal mod to unlock mine

My partner rarely uses her blinkers, and she wonders why people honk at her. Not BMW driver, but pretty much any car lol

I don't understand how that's possible. Like, driving school has ingrained the turn signal reflex into my arm so well that I sometimes even feel weird not using a turn signal when making a hard turn on a road without crossings. And changing lanes without a turn signal literally can't be done, my brain feels. Don't driving schools in the US do that?
- Probably taught by a parent who just passed along their own bad driving behaviour
- Don’t driving schools in the US do that?
  Driving schools in the US don't do anything except lick their finger and put it under your nose to see if you're breathing. And they only do that half the time.
I can only imagine the other dumb shit that happens in your life because of her
Where I live using turn signals gives inconsistent results people don't usually use them and its usually fine, I offer forget and is usually fine. But a lot of times, using my turn signal makes no difference. They like to ignore it or purposively get in your way

I have a BMW and I use my turn signals! There are dozens of us!

Yes I'm a vegetarian. Yes, I eat meat. Yes, we exist.
- I think she was 'vegan', which makes it even worse.
Dozen*

Absolutely love the "comments disabled" bit. Did this video at any time had comments allowed? I would love to see the troll fest

Dated a girl with a BMW and the turn signal was real fucky. Didn't click right, had no feel. You had to look at the dash to even see if it was on.

German engineering can suck my fucking balls.

On-laws drive a BMW-SUV. Suspension is Like a sports car, it’s just a bad driving experience. It’s a maddive chunk of metal, I don’t want to feel a moose if I was to hit one.

It would be funny if the video length was 3 hours

Opening with a disclaimer "the use of this procedure may void your warranty..."

Subscribe to BMW Safety+ for 9.99$ a month for great features like: turn signals and rear view mirror streaming camera.

Why would I pay $10/mo for things I don't even use?

I never knew it was common knowledge. I always wondered why BMW drivers use the turn signals less often than drivers of other brands.

I know that Peugeot drivers can't help it, because the electronics are shit.

It's because they're entitled dickbag drivers. Which is funny because where BMWs are more common, Audi drivers are the entitled dickbags.
If I see a black Audi, I can guarantee that it will be a dangerously bad driver.
- As a Munich resident (home of BMW), I kindly disagree. It really is BMW.
- Where I live, bmw drivers suck but Mercedes drivers are way worse.
The law of the asphalt jungle dictates a strict hierarchy maintained by the current value of the vehicle. The rare and elusive hypercar at the top, Bentley and Rolls Royce after that, BMW, Audi, Mercedes claim their place after the big boys, then comes the rabble with the commoner brands like Opel, Renault, Peugeot, Volkswagen and after that the economy cars. Trailing all of them are the sort of cars that are officially quadricycles and hated by all. The right of way follows that order and no signaling is required for lesser cars. They are expected to yield and make room for their more noble brethren. It's a stupid status game, all of it, and it endangers safety.

That's fucking hilarious out of context.

But that being said, BMWs have the worst blinkers control I've ever seen in a car. They tried to innovate on it with software and it's just bad. Seriously. For anybody who doesn't know what it's like, go to a BMW dealership and test drive a car or something. Somehow, they took the stick control and made it worse.

So, that there's a tutorial video, is depressing and funny, but also unfortunately needed.

My driving teacher had a BMW and I thought it had nice turn signals! Then again my parents car at the time was a nearly 22 years old economy car so my frame of reference is not great.

They only come with a left turn signal by default. It's to indicate you're too slow driving with 200 km/h on the left lane and they want to overtake.

Doesn't matter what speed you are going, if you can, move to the right.
RECHTSFAHRGEBOT, MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
- No.if im going at the speed limit I shouldn't have to let anyone pass. Specially those assholes who instead of blinking and waiting take their overcompensating weapon-truck and drive illegally close to me.
  I like driving on the left lane because otherwise I just have to keep changing laws to overtake those NOT going at the speed limit. If you want to out everyone at risk, don't get demanding

Comments are turned off... Of course they are. 😄

Why are the comments turned off 😭 ......

Where are these 429k people?

They didn’t view the entire video. It was too complex
Drivers of other vehicles curious to know if BMW turn signals are supposed to work.

When does the Telsa version of this video drop?

It's scheduled to be filmed just after the salute tutorial is released.
- This is absolutely needed. Everybody knows how to do a nazi salute but they always forget to make the mussolini stank face at the same time.
I can't even blame Tesla drivers for not blinking, it's awfully designed... it'll stay blinking for too long, then if you try to turn it off by putting it a bit in the opposite direction, now you're blinking that way instead.

Bravo! I'll need to have a look, do they also have a video with helpful hints for overcoming the blind spots that prevent you from fitting your BMW into a single parking space in crowed parking lots?

429k views

And yet no progress. So sad.

I am so terminally carless and unautomobile pilled that I have literally no clue what this is about.

Its a stereotype: BMW drivers supposedly tend to not use their turn signals in instances when they should, which can make them less predictable on the road which can be very dangerous.
- Which has led to a bunch of jokes about it.

I seem to have issues with clapped out Altima's not signaling and zipping in and out of traffic more than BMWs or other luxury brands.

The Altimas turn signals simply don't work. The driver is unaware.
The BMWs signals work fine. The driver just thinks they are too good to use turn signals.
Altima's what?
- Altima is not signaling.
I've seen the stereotype of Altima owners being bad/dangerous drivers around the internet a few times, and I'm curious as to how it developed... The Altima always struck me as a pretty typical mid-size sedan, so I'm not sure what about it would attract a higher proportion of bad drivers over other similar vehicles, or why people would zero in on bad Altima drivers over anyone else.
Since I've learned of the stereotype, I have periodically noticed Altima drivers doing stupid things, but I also see a lot of Altimas and a lot of dumb drivers in general, so I haven't been able to tell if the incidence of bad drivers in Altimas is higher than the norm.
- For me I think this one Altima has a largely similar commute time and path I do, because it seems it's always the same guy.
- They have a lot of space for the price and last a long time after being bought used, so they are quite popular among the crowd that insists on driving with one arm and the seat reclined all the way flat because sitting up straight is gay or something.

I miss the days when sales reps in hire-purchase and company beamers and Audis were the worst people we had to share the road with.

490k views? Obviously not being viewed by the BMW drivers in my area.

They missed the signal.
I just watched it, i don't own a car... But now i know how to operate a BMW turn signal.

I have a growing personal hatred of people in white pearl-coat cars right now. They are the new BMWs for me.

AI powered bleeding edge fly-by-wire modern innovation in turn signals

$34.99 per month plus tax for basic turn signals. If you refuse to pay for basic only half your cylinders will fire and your redline is reduced to 3500rpm. Also you don't have turn signals.

But... Why?

Because BMW signals are different. Tiny tap gets you three blinks and goes off (more standard now). Pushing a direction turns them on, and unlike other cars you push the same direction again to disengage. This way you never accidentally push too far and do the opposite signal.
I definitely prefer the BMW signal to any other vehicles I've driven, but as a BMW driver I've learned that when you signal people will aggressively close gaps. I still signal but take the space almost instantly because I know 90% of drivers will try to block me out.

I don't think they should be adding RGB to cars it's a bit ostentatious.

All cars should be CMYK instead. Out of yellow? Take the bus.

Why tho? Is it the mindset of “my car looks so good everyone has their eyes on me so they’ll see me turning? Because every time I see a bmw it’s without fail merge/turn without a signal

I’m always reminded of the scene in Alice in Wonderland where the talking flowers explain to her that they can talk because they’re planted in firm soil, while those planted in soft soil are asleep all the time.

FAKE!