Wedding photographers, what was the sign that 'this' marriage is going to fail?

... how do they find out which marriages do and do not fail? They generally don't take divorce photos too.

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The wedding photographer we used still uses our shots in promotional materials. I'm flattered! But the marriage ended just months after those pictures were taken because I found out she was having an affair.

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- Wowww…I’m assuming you agreed for them to be used in marketing?
  
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I ended up becoming Facebook friends with a lot of my couples (wedding DJ) because we worked so closely together…I became invested in the couple and event emotionally and made it a point to care about them and advocate for them at every point. See Forrest Gump carrying Bubba out of the Vietnam jungle…sometimes getting through the ceremony and reception is like that and you become bonded by trauma 😂

Always hated when certain couples did not make it…but lots of times the ones who are just a pleasure to work with take care of each other and stay together.

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Hey, man. It's just fun stories. Don't question it okay

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I dont work at weddings, but is a given that the more expensive the wedding is, the shorter the marriage might be.

A big huge expensive wedding is a outbox stress, a vanity display and usually the bride is one of those who want the dream perfect wedding they wanted since she was a child.

Then comes the hyper fixation with aesthetics, that might translate into controlling and micro managing everyone on the wedding party and pushing people away for not matching it.

In the end, nothing about the wedding is about the love, being together, etc. It is just a huge waste of money just for some perfectly curated pictures. The marriage itself is no longer relevant and the couple might not last more than 2 years. Just keep it simple people, or even better, just elope.

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There is definitely statistical proof of this. But I would state it as a percentage of income. I have been to lavish weddings that were not an economic inconvenience for the couple.

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- Yeah, possibly the most expensive wedding I've been to was one where they (rather, the parents) could afford it. And it was lovely --- it was first and foremost a party for friends. No dress code, great food, and the only "micromanaging" by bride and groom was to make sure guests were enjoying themselves/remind us that the bar was open. Vows weren't even a part of the wedding (small, family-only).
  
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My wife and I had a moderately large wedding, but it was motivated mostly by her parents. My point is that there may be other reasons that it's a big wedding. We've been together 23 years so I think things are going okay.

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- Same, but only been together 17 years.
  
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but is a given that the more expensive the wedding is, the shorter the marriage might be.

So have a dead cheap wedding and the marriage will last forever?

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- Permanently Deleted
  
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- Its not that - throwing out a wedding party on a cheap, doesn't really change anything. You and your partner wanting just the two of you and the closest people to be there, and the rest doesn't really matter - that's the core and some sort of indications that you are with right person. The more you are wanting/needing to be there for show, the more it says about your relationship in not exactly positive way.
  
  Don't get me wrong - if you always pictured yourself getting to the venue on an elephant surrounded by royal guards with fireworks in the background and you can afford it - good on you, go for it.
  
  But later in life you might realized that the most important thing was not all the extra stuff, but you and your beloved. Nothing can compensate for that.
  
  Also people taking loans and letting their families sponsor the excessive wedding to me is a bit silly. If you can't afford it, don't do it like that. This money can better spent on holidays or as a down payment for your first house. Its just one night ffs 😁
  
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- Basically lol
  
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I was once invited to such a wedding. A show to remember. Must have easily cost $30000. The marriage didn’t last a year.

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Not a photographer but worked at the restaurant where a wedding party had their rehearsal dinner.

The groom stood up and gave a toast, all well and good. Not sure if he didnt habe parents or what but the bride's father talked a moment and gave the groom a few jabs that slowly turned into him almost roasting the guy. Took it that the bride's father didn't really like the guy. Groom made a jab back and the father slung it right back at him.

And that is when the groom goes off and slugs the bride's father square in the face and down he goes. Groom says a bunch of "fuck you and fuck you" and walks out of the restaurant. We ended up having to walk all these people to their cars because they were afraid the groom might come back and do something (ha like I'm going to protect your great aunt mulva if he comes back with a gun!).

A couple came into the restaurant a few weeks later, friends of one side of the wedding party. Turns out the groom went back to the hotel, packed up his stuff and left to go back home. Had all the bride's stuff packed and on a moving truck to her parents place before the weekend was out. Groom just flat out nope'd her.

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- This was the only rehearsal dinner at the restaurant in the 4 years I worked there. Big tourist area, lots of people got married there but never saw something like that.
  
  Lots of other weird stuff happened at resorts I worked at too. The things the staff sees is crazy sometimes.
  
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- I dunno. I can't ask her now; I've already made out with her. Once you make out with a woman, you can't ask her her name.
  
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Maybe he saw something in his experience with the bride to indicate she took after her father. Or maybe they talked on the phone immediately after, and she took her father's side. That relationship is not going to work, no matter how hard you try.

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TL;DR - they are rude to vendors (caterer, venue, photographer, DJ)

I was a wedding DJ for over 10 years and I’ll tell you one thing…if one of them is shitty to either you or another vendor they don’t seem to last. Loudly complaining about the catering staff or venue, photographer or DJ, being shitty to people in general. Making it through your wedding day without being an asshole is easier than marriage in my humble opinion. Being nice to other human beings, kind and patient seems to be a sign it WILL last…

One comes to mind, one of the few Mormon receptions I’ve ever done. Bride was pissed the dance floor wasn’t filled when “Thriller” was played. They didn’t serve a meal (only snacks), no alcohol and most of the people there were not invited to the ceremony since it’s at the temple thing where non-Mormons are not allowed. Those things make for an awkward event and of course most people did not dance or have a good time in general. Her family couldn’t stand her but paid for everything. She spent most of the reception bitching about different vendors (photog, food, me). Husband apologized saying she is “just being s butthead.” She is probably the only Mormon person I have ever seen be rude to other people. No way they stayed married.

I would be surprised if many bridezillas or douchegrooms stayed married.

Other couples come to mind where different things went horribly wrong, responsible party apologizing profusely, certain they have a one star review or other consequences coming (if you’ve ever seen online wars between brides and vendors, or going to court over a debacle, that’s what I mean)…coupled brush it off and laugh and have fun, say thank you…yeah they stay married.

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I've been to one Mormon wedding (it was outdoor) but it was similar to what you shared. Honestly you could have mistaken it for a weekend church gathering with snacks with how boring and tamed it was. Everyone sat. Everyone was stiff lipped and just being polite while sipping on a bottle of seltzer water.

I'm not Mormon so I asked other folks and they said it was a successful wedding.

Like wtf.

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- Yep the part where the ceremony is private makes it pretty awkward for non Mormons. After typing this I realize I did dj another one that was normal…no alcohol but there are a good amount of non religious people who choose a dry wedding because their family are drunkards and would ruin it.
  
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Do you know they didn't stay married? I'd be pretty surprised if they got a divorce if they were part of the church.

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- I had to confirm and spent 20 minutes searching Facebook and unfortunately you are right. I was 90% sure they had after talking to his sister a month after the wedding. I was feeling around for whether or not I should apologize since the bride was so unhappy…she said oh no none of us can stand her. Fun times.
  
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Themed wedding ceremony. One was lightly medieval themed and one was heavily Civil War, complete with historically accurate costumes. It was important to the bride. The groom didn't care for it and had a temper, which he couldn't control, even during the reception. She finally had enough of him about a year later. Last I heard, she upgraded to someone better and got full custody of the kid. Could have saved her a massive investment in handcrafted hoopskirts......

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Could this be generalized to: if the couple is in obvious disagreement about something in the wedding, it's a bad sign? Are themed weddings a bad sign, even if both partners are enthusiastic about the theme?

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- I don't know, you make a good point. I'm just saying, go cautiously to a themed wedding. Carry more gun than you think you're gonna need. =)
  
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