8 mo. ago • 96%

Living forever

author

34 comments

all of the comments are assuming this is how evolution works... and most dont even seem to be sarcastic

do people really think this is how it works or am i going crazy?

83
- People really think this. Most peoples knowledge stops at "evolution is when thing become better". And people that do realize don't talk about evolutionary pressure in the gut microbiome in the comic community.
  
  41
- They got their evolution knowledge from digimon. Bacteria turns into dinosaur turns into refrigerator turns into skeleton.
  
  37
  
  then it turns into car
  
  7
- Yeah, obviously they won't evolve into dinosaurs, they'll evolve into crabs
  
  25
  
  try { lifeform.Evolve(); } catch(...) { lifeform.Crab(); }
  
  5
- If they live forever, they're not evolving. They're mutating.
  
  11
  
  the person lives forever, its the bacteria inside them that evolves
  
  8
- Mitochondria. They found their niche (every multicellular creature in the world) and won. Very little change since then.
  
  6
the origin story of life on earth

49
- Just wait until your evolved bacteria turn you into a toxic wasteland.
  
  Wait, wasn't this a Futurama episode?
  
  19
  
  Fry eats gas station sushi and gets parasites. They actually improve everything about him, but he fights them off because he wants to know Leela is attracted to him and not whom the worms made him into.
  
  17
Fredric Brown wrote a fun very short story (he was known for page-long short stories) about a scientist who discovered immortality and took the serum, but he had a cold at the time, so the bacteria also became immortal, took over his body, became pneumonia and put him in a coma. Eventually, his colleagues buried him.

Edit: Found the story. Got the details slightly wrong, but the gist was the same- https://fb2.top/the-second-fredric-brown-megapack-434391/read/part-16

34
- Yikes. You don't bury immortal bacteria. You burn them so they're not bacteria any more,
  
  2
Luckily, the body naturally purges out unwelcome living inhabitants in the GI tract.

As in your diarrhea them out before they could burst out through your abs.

32
- But... what if they evolve the ability to survive purges and then put the skill points into bursting out via abs?
  
  6
  
  Jokes on them, I don't have abs
  
  8
I mean, what kind of immortality are we talking about here?

If your cells have been locked into "last known good configuration" then there's no reason for anything inside you to evolve because nothing is changing.

Or maybe you aren't immutable, but like a ship of theseus, in which case why would your internal biome evolve away from the eternally balanced environment it lives in? Crabs haven't evolved for millenia because once perfection is achieved, where else can you evolve?

Tldr, what I'm saying is, vampires should be more worried about bursting with crabs than dinos.

26
- Great, not only do we have to worry about vampires, now we have to worry about vampires that give us crabs too? What a world we live in.
  
  9
- Are the bacteria inside you part of you?
  
  2
New fear unlocked

10
Just before they burst out you get to live a symbiotic beneficial relationship with internal dinosaurs.

10
By the time that happens you'll have carcinized and your chitinous shell will be strong enough to hold them in

(yes I know carcinization doesn't work that way)

7
- well evolution doesnt work that way either so its fine
  
  6
That's just more friends to outlive :(

5
No the best part is getting to find out firsthand:-).

4

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