Oh no, you’re famous! Who (real or fictional) would play you in your biopic?

My cat. Everyone would be played by cats. Untrained cats, just put them together in relevant places and roll camera. It's art now.

Nicolas Cage.

Doesn't matter that he isn't even close to being a match, but the movie would most certainly be entertaining.

Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Timothee Chalamet. Not as one person blended together, but them having a threesome. Directed by Denis Villeneuve. Score by Vangelis.

That's me.

Me of course. I mean I already got famous for being me so clearly I would be a good fit for the role.

Jack Black is the only real choice. In his messy beard phase.

I'm a forgettable nobody, so, Michael Cera.

Macaulay Culkin

Bojack.

Horseman, obviously.

I'm thinking the actress for MJ in Spiderman (forgot her name) is the closest match, but it would still be a very rough one. For starters, I'm wondering how well she'd do in leg guards or if she could do a Kiwi accent.

Probably Keanu Reaves. We went to the same schools growing up and have similar ethnicity. I don't actually remember him, though I must've passed him in the hall? He's a few years my senior.

Seth Rogan but he's a craft beer snob instead of a pot head.

Dunno probably that guy in the Vicar of Dibley that went "Mo no no no yes"

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

No similarity, but it'd be funny watching the director try to fit The Rock into a computer programming role; and also because - since it's a movie - people would think that's how I look.

Matt Damon.

Similar size, shape, looks and both from the Boston area.

I describe myself as looking like what happens when you skip character creation. I’m super average-looking and would be tough to pick from a crowd.

A cross between Matt Jones and Daniel Franzese

Apparently I look a lot like a certain, well known actor. So much so, that several people independently of each other told me that.

Either Jack Black or Daniel Day-Lewis, depending on who directs/who's casting.

Edit: I'm not saying I look like Daniel Day-Lewis, I'm saying I like to think my life would require an actor of his caliber and complexity. Probably Rob Schneider would suffice, in reality.

That guy from The Commitments.

Please let it be Daniel Day Lewis. He'll make me so much cooler and more brooding than I actually am. I love that man's work.

Also, since he's a method actor, he'll have to be drunk 24h a day when he films the dark times when I dealt with horrible depression. I think he can pull it off. (I'm much better now, thanks.)

David Anthony Higgins

Philip Seymour Hoffman. He lost the game a while back, but it could fit. Who else m idk. Who else is chubby, reasonable intelligent and has a drug problem??

Alan Ritchson, of course

Dave Bautista. In a long wig. Haha

Hugh Grant, I've been told too many times. Same looks, same sheepish attitude

Bradley Cooper. People always tell me I look like Bradley fuckin Cooper