7mo ago

A tense moment.

44 comments

Really, the doctor would probably not see anything recognisable, and ask the patient if they think they are making it up, or if they're a woman, that its their period.
- Yeah. Stop pretending the healthcare system has the resources to deal with unknown diseases.
  If they can’t find a diagnosis, you’ll get told that you’re probably anxious or depressed, or malingering, and get told to exercise and eat healthy.
  
  Oh wow
  
  Awful and I can even try beginning to imagine the kinds of things patients affected might be told by doctors… (“I get tired too, …, get more sleep before your next appointment”)
  Wishing the best for you and the community
  
  the healthcare system
  Kinda sounds like you're refering to a particular country's healthcare system (whilst assuming OP meant this same one), but you didn't specify.
  You could be talking about Brazil, Kenya, New Zealand, even France. Without that bit of info, it's hard to learn much from what you're sharing.
  Anyway, bloody awful what happened to you, madness! I hope once you got your diagnosis that things improved, and that you're doing grand these days :-)
- Hysteria
  
  [Sick bassline kicks in]
- Yup, my arrhythmogenic cardiomyopathy went undiagnosed because my first cardiologist found it easier to just tell me to stop being fat. There's more to the story, but if it had been caught then, I might not have needed a heart transplant later on.

"Hello, my colleague and I have discovered two new types of Lymphoma, and we would like to register them."
"Certainly! Tell me your name, please."
"Well, I'm Dr. Hodgkins."
"Great, so we'll call one 'Hodgkin's Lymphoma'. What's the other doctor's name? ".
"Dr. Ottovordemgentschenfelde."
"...OK, 'Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma'. Done!"

More realistically:
Patient: "Doctor, I got shot in the chest."
Doctor: "Have you considered it might be anxiety?"
Patient: "WTF are you talking about? Look, I'm bleeding out all over the floor here."
Doctor: "You'd be surprised what anxiety can do."
Patient: "Doc, I'm dying from A GUNSHOT WOUND."
Doctor: "Ang. Zai. Eh. Tee. Kthxbye."
- Patient: "Doctor, I got shot in the chest."
  Doctor: "What, do you think we like healthcare CEOs because we're doctors? Rest in piss bozo"
  Patient: dies
  
  Soooooo, when is Universal Healthcare in USSA time? If you lack doctors, academics, ministers of healthcare, communists or all above, we can provide them.
- Ahhh capitalism, where insurance companies pay doctors to pretend everything is fine so they don’t have to spend money.
  
  This happens all the time in state funded healthcare too. It's not about funding, it's about mindset

Do the right thing and insist that it be called Ligma.
- Why ? (I didn't understand the joke)
  
  It's a common bait-and-switch joke. "I have Ligma" "What's Ligma?" "Ligma Balls!" (The joke being that "Ligma" sounds like "Lick My")
  Maybe you're familiar with a similar joke: "Hey, do you think it smells like updog in here?" "What's updog" "Not much, what's up with you?" (Here, the joke is that "What's updog" sounds like "What's up, dawg")
  
  Ligma balls!
- And the cure will be Firelfanz

Disease McDiseaseface
- Doctor: HEY! ... I know what to do! ... Let's make a website and ask the public what we should call this disease! We'll get a sponsor and turn it into a fundraiser and awareness campaign. We'll get everyone to vote on it and the one with the most votes will have the disease be called that name. What could go wrong!
- Unalive disease

Closest I've come to this was twice, both from the same doctor. She was actually my favorite primary doctor I've had, up until my insurance changed and I could no longer see her without it being cripplingly expensive.
Looking at my lab work results, one time she goes, "This is really interesting, you've got all kinds of stuff going on, don't you?" and another was simply "Woah!"
Even if she wasn't generally pretty funny, would still be my favorite, since she pretty much nailed down diagnoses for several issues that had been ailing me for years within the first couple appointments, was great with giving me referrals and fighting with insurance about "Yes, this really is necessary, it's in your coverage agreement, so shut up and pay!" and got me back up to some semblance of full health in a matter of months. Like, exhaustion and joint pain so bad, I couldn't walk down the single flight of stairs to leave my apartment some days and migraines that made me have to lay in a dark room for an hour, to now just being generally always a bit more fatigued than I should be given the amount of stuff I do in a given day.
- I had a "whoa" once, or perhaps something slightly more extreme. The condition wasn't, particularly - I had a lump on my finger as a kid. The first doctor said it would go away on its own, which it didn't at all, 2 years later it was much worse and started to hurt, so back we went. The next doctor suggested basically that we just cut it open and see what it was lmao, so that we did. He sliced it with a scalpel there and then, while, me, the doctor, and my dad peered at it.
  As soon as the scalpel went in there was a small explosion of goo from in there and both my dad and the doctor recoiled in horror ("whoa!" lol). He proceeded to poke around in the goo hole somewhat with a needle (looking back this seems like an odd way to do things) and fished out a ~inch long hawthorn that had just been in there, chilling for the past 2 years.

I would like to name my very rare disease "a very rare disease". It's what Abbott and Costello would do
- Who?
  
  Yeah, he's on first

...ligma

i want it called: 🤠🇳🇺💈🗿🧏🤫💀🍠🏕️👹
- So, it's called "the gay cowboy caught a disease in england at a barber shop, went to Easter Island where he begged to suck a dick on the down low, but it killed the guy so he hid the body in a cornucopia under tent, the horny little devil" disease?
  
  Rolls right off the tongue
  
  ❌
  
  I'm pretty sure that's not England, cornucopia and horny little devil
  Not mentioning the weird dick thing