I'm a fan of "My fellow mammalian morons"

Guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Bastards, bitches and assholes.
Penn Jillette has some shit takes at times, but I feel like he landed on a good one when he was workshopping an inclusive greeting on his podcast:
"Welcome brothers, sisters and siblings to...."
- Penn Jillette has a podcast? What's it called?
Fuck yeah, Kenji! (He's the one that popularized the phrase afaik, apologies if not)
- I am not sure, but this is definitely not a Stovetop original. I heard it somewhere else and it stuck with me because it just rolls off the tongue well.
Ladies, gentlemen, and menaces to society
"What's up, my beardos and weirdos!"
(One Topic references, these are the sounds of One Topic references)

Oi cunts! Seems to fit everyone...

Fails hard if you can't do an australian accent and you're speaking to an audience of women though
- Thats when ya go with "Sup Bitches"
- That's far more of a UK phrase, IMHO. 😅

"Sup Fuckers" is my go to.

Reminds me of the official English translation for the Azumanga Daioh manga, where Osaka walks into the room and greets everyone by saying, "Sup, numb nuts!"
- I tried watching Macross Delta before english subs were offered; the fansubs by Deadfish, included these simple lines which in my head-cannon are a flawless translation of what the japanese characters said:
  "Jellyfish chips is like crack."
  'Yes.'
Dude I literally typed your exact comment, said "ah fuck it," backed out, scrolled down, and read your comment. I legit checked to make sure it wasn't me who posted it.
- Happy to help!
"Lata bitches." being the appropriate parting.

The south, interestingly enough, always got it right: “Y'all."

That's the singular. The plural is All y'all
- Nah, y'all is a small group. All y'all is a big group.

Sup fuckers and non-fuckers (ace inclusion is important)

Ladies, Gentlmen, and other androgynous creatures (odo)

Odo: the only one we don't include in ACAB. (and even then, I mean... we kinda do)

Alright losers listen up!

SUP NERDS
- Eggheads

Comrades!

Not inclusive of the rich, so even better
This is in country that no longer exists

"Sup dudes" is what I use. easier.

edit: if there's any confusion, always defer to the philosophy of Ed from Good Burger.

"I'm a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. Cause we're all dudes! (hey!)"

Dudes, guys, and boiiii are gender neutral terms and that's a hill I'll die on
- Well get ready to, 'cause I need you to go to the bar and ask a straight man if he fucks dudes, guys, or boiiiiis.
"so I was making out with this dude" is not gender neutral though
- the post was for ways to address large groups of people without offending anyone. "Sup dudes" is my answer to that.
Careful, some weirdos will get offended at that one for absolutely no reason.
- I addressed everyone as dudes in a work email once, a woman I worked with mentioned she wasn't a dude. Yes, she was just messing. The next email I addressed it to Glorious Comrades. It became an inside joke between us for a while.
- Maybe, but that's like.. Their opinion dude
"Soup's on, everypony"
- no. no ponies.

My manager says "hello kittys", that one is excellent because it weirds everyone out. Especially in a button-down corporate environment.

Makes me think of that Discord role call video.

Fuys, gals and nonbinary pals

I learned this one from my pal scoots.
- Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary. It's time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep!

"What up, dipshits?"

Bitches, bros, and nonbinary hoes

For what it’s worth, I don’t think “girls, gays, and theys” was ever meant to be inclusive of everyone. It’d be more like replacing “the boys” in “I was just out with the boys”.
- yeah i think that term intentionally includes everybody except cishet dudes, not meant to be all-encompassing

"Neigh/Them" pronouns.

It seems we have Neigh sayers here

"Greetings, programs!"

pov I'm watching the ceo explain how "restructuring" 100 people out of their jobs is not layoffs because we're actually doing great financially
Mm greetings programs in meat hardware

Alrighty campers

Esteemed comerades...

"Citizens"

You've violated the law!
But what about foreigners and stateless?

UGLY BAGS OF MOSTLY WATER

CRAM IT YOU WORMS

No brownie points for guessing my preference here. Flawless, indeed.

What about brony points?
I was also going to say that the last one is perfect. I'm going to start using that at work. I already uploaded all the mlp emotes to slack

I like the moderately-formal one from Dragonball Z Abridged: Ladies, Gentlemen, and the Technicolor Rainbow In Between!

Excuse me?

I learned one from a Tom Lehrer concert decades ago (I wasn't there -- it was a recording)

"As Malcolm X was fond of saying 'Good evening to my friends and enemies. I say that because I can't believe everyone here is my friend, and I don't want to exclude anyone'"

Im a fan of "Team" in a business setting.

If by fan you mean "my innards shrivel in disgust", then that makes two of us
- What do you think is a better term/phrase that is inclusive?

Negative, I am a meat popsicle

Hello meat popsicles!

I find "hello, fellow kids" is what keeps me in with the hep crowd.

I like "ladies, boys, and ladyboys" myself, but I value comedy over being inoffensive.

Some YouTuber or something, don't remember who exactly, used "gentles and ladymen" and while that could be taken the wrong way, I laughed.
- B. Dylan Hollis. He's the one who does all the old-timey baking recipes, and I love his salutation, but I acknowledge it's far from being perfectly inclusive.
Yeah that would be very offensive dont actually use that
- Yeah but I don't give a shit if you have no sense of humor. So tough titties.

gift ~~horse~~ pony
FTFY

"Alright you 'orrible lot!" has been my go-to. But I'm partial to "Hey Nooblets!"

What's up, fellow / you fuckin' nerds?

WATSUP BITCHES?!

I can lick my elbow you exclusionary bastard.

I'm a big fan of 'greetings fellow carbon based life forms' as inclusive as you'll ever get

It does not include robots, though. Trust me, you do not want to offend SkyNet.

Flawless?

"Alrighty gay mares" works too:

Whats up spooners!

Gentles all

Good evening, fellow degenerates

Everypony Wang Chung tonight. Everypony have fun tonight.

Comon everypony,
Smile, smile, smile.

If you are doing multiple things with an introduction just cycle through them once by one

"Sorry dude but you are a lady today then you'll be a nonbon then a gentleman again"

I just go with "hey y'all!"

I'm not from the south but it's inclusive and fun to say.

That or "Hey all".

Gentles and ladymen

Mentelgen

Some people seriously think "they" is uninclusive and bad?

You can't just pick half a word from a sentence and then blame the entire opinion on that alone, that doesn't make any sense.
- Someone told me using "they" is as bad as misgendering someone cuz it means you don't care enough to ask what their preferred pronouns are and was wondering if that's a legit sentiment but fuck me for asking I guess.