Anon thinks there is a bicurious double standard
Anon thinks there is a bicurious double standard
330 comments
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Fun fact: back in Roman times, it was manly to fuck a twink. Being fucked by another man made you a woman (in their eyes, women were inferior in every aspect). I suppose something similar happened in Greece for a good while
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It was normal for men to take teenage boys, teach them up, and also use them for sexual gratification. Everyone was okay with it, but with 1 big stipulation: you get off by sliding your penis between the thighs to climax, and do not penetrate the young boy anally. That was considered "crossing the line" & perverting him as a man.
I think this was common Greek practice, not Roman.
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Jim Jeffries talked about this topic in his new Netflix special that came out last week.
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New Jim Jeffries special? Gonna have to check this out.
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The second half is a little rough, but the first half is fantastic IMO
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damn they're still making Netflix specials?
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I am a straight white man and I can’t even weigh in on this issue because if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me
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If just second-hand stigma is enough for you to change your behavior, imagine how much worse it is for someone who is actually bi
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You can also be brave and not give a fuck how anybody that would think less of you for being compassionate might stigmatize you. But this is the internet and I have no context.
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The people attaching stigmas to you aren't worth worrying about.
Speaking from the perspective of a straight white guy who was heavily involved in the GSA at school.
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if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me
By whom?
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This seems like a non-issue, just personal anxiety.
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Oh fuck off with that.
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I've seen so many cases of staunch progressive groups weaponize a guys sexuality as soon as they have a falling out with him. Its like these people never believed what they were saying. People are so spineless and have no morals.
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In my older age I've come to the realization that a lot of people join movements just to belong, not because they actually hold the conviction. I think in fact there are people who aren't capable of even having a conviction, just bouncing between whatever expressive habits are most convenient socially
You see it with things like politics and religion too
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My favourite is the ones who scream about slut shaming then use "virgin" as an insult.
Although that seems to have fallen out of fashion lately.
That specific insult I mean, not hypocrisy.
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It's not out of fashion at all, "virgin" just became "incel". The intent is identical.
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People always say stuff to me like, “You definitely live with your parents”. That one is super common. Like, who cares? It’s weird for me personally because I moved out over 20 years ago, but nothing wrong if I did live with my folks. It’s a world as hard as stone out there.
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With leftists and progressives the louder they are about their beliefs and virtues the less they actually follow those through. Just like with religious people, it’s just virtue signaling.
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Sadly, this is a human trait overall. It's deep in the lizard brain section from early in our evolution.
If someone is part of a group and then does something seen as against the interest of the group (or groupthink, really) then any tiny little thing can become a trait leveraged against them. Either the person on the outs basically accepts demotion on the social ladder and hopes for re-acceptance from the group as subservient to everyone, or they're just out for good. It's one of our worst traits from a rational perspective, it's violent and irrational monkey-brain shit, and likely made for small homogeneous, tight-knit groups that could count on each other to survive harsh environmental conditions.
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Recommended reading: "Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution", by Shiri Eisner
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People like this are the progressive version of evangelicals. And like with Christianity they don't get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.
Villainizing male sexuality is why we have a whole new generation boys heading into alt right circles and so far the response has been a variant of telling them to 'man up.' And its going to get a lot worse before it gets even a little better.
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This is the root of the problem with much of the discussion around male identity online.
Women finally, and rightfully, gained a voice, and plenty of dudes listened. Many of them, not really understanding feminism as an academic discipline or having any real sympathy towards any aspect of being a man, used that voice to point of the many issues faced by women in the world and to fight for women.
Where this falls apart is that because of the lack of real understanding regarding feminism and the concept of patriarchy, a lot of it boiled down to "shut up, the women are talking" and "we don't care about your problems"
None of this makes the problems away, none of this is really geared towards equality, and much of it is just switching the genders on deeply toxic patriarchal power structures that were used to oppress women for centuries.
When you think about how stupid 90% of the people involved on both sides of this discourse online are, it's of little surprise so many women went looking for easy answers from hucksters who pitched exploitation and oppression as empowerment.
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none of this is really geared towards equality, and much of it is just switching the genders on deeply toxic patriarchal power structures that were used to oppress women for centuries.
I think this is a little over the top...
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I really liked bell hooks's approach to this. She focuses on incorporating male problems into feminism as a focal point, not excluding them.
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they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.
idk man 9 times out of 10 I hear someone talking about progressives, they're exclusively referring to the most hypocritical ones. Like, when does anyone talk about the normal progressives that just want good things for everyone? That's boring.
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OMG i've been saying this for years and every time I get bashed for it (in liberal/left/prog circles)
Because you can't suggest that the (liberal/left/blue/prog/nonfash) aren't perfect or are doing something not ideal
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i do wild shit to make the girls im dating lose attraction for me all the time. burping really loud constantly, saying the word "COCKS" when i sneeze, crying about wall-e, shitting with the door open. who cares?
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When I was fairly younger, I was in a relationship with a woman who told me that if she were to learn that I had sex with a man, especially bottoming but also topping (she didn't use those terms, she used bad terms), then she would feel disgusted and betrayed and would never feel attracted to me again or see me as a man again.
I said to her that I was disappointed in her, that she had internalised homophobia and that she was a massive hypocrite. Her self proclaimed best male friend presented to the world as flamingly gay, and she was openly bi herself, not as in "I would totally fuck women cause I like the idea of it", bus as in she had fucked women before and would do it again. Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.
So...yeah, you can be a loudly proclaimed ally AND a member of the LGBTQ community yourself, and still be a disgusting homophobe right alongside the best of bigots.
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I have a similar story to share.
When I was in my early 20s I briefly dated a girl who told me she was having feelings for another woman and was being curious, she eventually broke up with me in order to be with her, but we remained good friends after that.
Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship all even yelled some slurs at me.
AFAIK she's married with a guy and has kids now
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Wow, that's some intense double standards there.
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Sorry you had to experience this bullshit. I think people like that lack the emotional intelligence to see other people as equals. Instead they only value them as much as whatever personal satisfaction they extract out of them. Intrinsically you've lost nothing of value that day, but I know the sudden betrayal of the friendship you thought you had can be shocking and hurtful.
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Maybe calling women lesbians instead of gay allows people to be homophobic while accepting lesbians. After all, the word was invented by men who thought women couldn't be gay the way men can.
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Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship
Can't really imagine it. Even stubborn homophobes do not end friendship over someone coming out. A lot of them just become curious and eventually accepting. Am not LGBTQ+ though, so my judgement is kinda not reliable, but still.
The woman you're talking about is exceptionally weird and she can go fuck herself
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Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.
I would categorize it as a weird fetish and leave her by herself with it
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IME this is incredibly common.
I had a bi girlfriend who was also super uncomfortable with the idea of me being with another man.
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I don't know how common it is, but I've had several past girlfriends express internalised homophobia against gay men, bisexuals or lesbians, and that's too damn high a number since as french leftist, I don't harmonize with conservative women. When I was younger I was naive or dumb enough to think that we would both grow as people in the relationship and some of my values would rub up on them. Now that would an instant curtain call for me, you can grow up as person in your own time, I have better things to do.
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I had a bi girlfriend who wanted me to be bi. I've seen it go every which way. I'm not sure what the overall social trend is, but people are individuals and can defy your hopes and expectations of them in strange ways, for better or for worse.
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Honestly, while the exact way your ex handled the situation probably wasn't ideal, this notion is really just an extension of the sexual puritanism that created homophobia in the first place. Imo, we should just accept that people's sexual desires are what they are. If someone is turned off by bi guys, that's fine - she doesn't have to date them. Just like it is perfectly fine to be turned off by people with red hair, or people with annoying laughs, or people who are skinnier or fatter than whatever your personal preference is. Some people aren't interested in shy people. Some people aren't interested in dumb people. Some people aren't interested in poor people. Does it suck when someone you like isn't interested in you because of something you can't control? Yes! But at the same time, people's sexual preferences are also largely outside their control. So why demonize them for them?
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Ugh... Thanks for whiteknighting my ex's being biphobic with your moral relativism.
First of all I don't know why you felt the need to inject sexual puritanism into the conversation, it's not really a thing culturally in present day France, especially not in me or my exes mindset or social circles.
Second, don't give me this your mileage may vary bullshit, some things are objectively bad. Having preferences is fine. Being phobic against a group of people is not. It's fine to be more easily attracted to tall people, or short, or green eyed, or mixed raced or whatever physical characteristic, as long as it doesn't turn into a fetish, and I won't get into that whole other subject. But being repulsed or disliking an entire group of people because of a not morally wrong trait, is objectively wrong and textbook definition of being phobic. Being attracted more easily/often to white people with blue eyes and dimples rather than black people is fine, you like what you like. But being repulsed by all black people, or gingers, or Asians, for the sole reason they are black, or ginger, or Asian, is not. And no, nobody said you owe some random person a shag, just because they're from a minority. But questioning why someone is repulsed by the entirety of group of people is legitimate. If there's something universally morally wrong with a group, like fucking Nazis, it's fine being repulsed. If there's a rational reason to reject someone, like not wanting to get a in a relationship with a firefighter cause you don't want a partner who may die in a fire one day, or your sexual orientation is not compatible, then it's fine rejecting them but not disliking or being repulsed by them. If the only reason you dislike or are repulsed by a group of people is irrational, like they're a different race or different sexual orientation, then it's textbook bigotry/phobia, and that's objectively wrong.
So to go back to the story with my ex; being a bisexual man is not a visual or physical trait. So if you're a woman who likes having sex with men, and you were to reject or feel disgust for a man you otherwise are attracted to and enjoy having sex with, for the only reason that you can't deal with the idea/image of him having sex with other men in the past, that's textbook biphobia and homophobia, and that's objectively wrong. If you feel so disturbed by this hypothetical, you feel the need to ask me, your partner at the time, a self declared straight man you are in a committed relationship with, if I hid sexual experiences with men from you, to assuage your irrational fears, you're being biphobic and that's just wrong. Again, if you're a woman having sex with men, and don't trust bisexual men because you think they will cheat with men, guess what, still biphobic, still wrong. Nobody's demonizing anybody, moral relativism sucks, some things are in fact objectively wrong.
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I wouldn't consider a woman that drops a guy for this reason to be a progressive.
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You wouldn't believe how many progressive women only date stereotypically conservative men. Here is a metanalysis of five studies showing how women in general prefer men who espouse and act out "benevolent sexism." This is the age old problem for men: women say they want one thing, but date something completely different.
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Fortunately for me, in the dating arena, being honest about myself to a fault did a great job vetting dates all on its own.
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You would be suprised by how much of the left hates bisexuals, without realizing that makes them as bad as any other bigot
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Some of the weirdest shit I have seen in the LGBT sphere is how comfortable some of them are with dictating who is allowed to date whom and whether or not their preferences are okay.
It's the main reason I don't really vibe with the LGBT community. Don't mind gays and trans and whatever else is out there. Normal people living their normal lives and loving the people they love and finding ways to be comfortable in their own bodies is how things should be.
But the LGBT sometimes reminds me of organized religion. It's not the individual believer who lives his or her life in peace who is the problem, but the weird cultlike behavior going on in the group where everybody has to hold the same opinions that tend to become progressively more extreme over time until the church controls every aspect of your life. Including whom your are allowed to love.
But it is difficult to bring this up without immediately being labeled a phob because the LGBT owns non-straight sexuality and if you criticize the movement, you criticize all the non straight people.
BLM has similar vibes.
I just don't like groups. Churches, political groups, grassroots movements, you name it. It all ends up the same in the end. With group pressure, control, shaming and ostracizing when you don't toe the line.
If I learned anything in my 20s, its that being a part of any ideological groups is not in your best interest. No matter how good and safe it feels in the beginning.
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I've had these conversations with people before. I was telling a fellow man how I don't care if my partner is bi. He said something like "woah man, there can be some major trust issues there" implying that her "homosexual needs" will lead her to cheat on me with my sister or something. I didn't follow his logic.
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I wouldn’t say “the left” but biphobia is absolutely insane among non traitor lunatics.
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The funniest part about this to me is that the AIDs epidemic actually forced medical researchers to accept that sometimes guys have sex with other guys, and they even created the term "Men who have Sex with Men" or MSM to cover this fact, since they aren't necessarily gay or bi.
Like, society needs to get over this. Sometimes people have sex with other people. Sometimes they happen to be different genders, sometimes they're the same. It only means whatever it means to the people fucking and little else
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Anon wants that BUSSY without social stigmas. Based and gay.
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I'm just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as "you did it once so you're $thing forever" that guys go through.
It's probably one of the most notable though.
As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we're expected to deal with it "like a man"... Whatever the fuck that means.
Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.
There's so much more. I don't have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let's not forget our non-binary family.
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I've had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
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Those women need to grow up.
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I've had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Can absolutely confirm this, myself, on a personal level.
Never let them see you genuinely vulnerable unless you want to drive them away, or want that to be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Sometimes even both, but never neither.
Only ever provide curated vulnerabilities that offer of themselves no true vulnerability, but satisfies any desire they may have to see vulnerability in you. Like being distressed at the sight of an unknown dead dog on the side of the road, for example. Clean, simple, controllable, and superficial.
Violate this tenet at your own psychological risk.
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I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.
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The Reprieve community is a good place for guys to vent.
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Initial reaction: there's no way that's real
After reading the comments: what the fuck
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Very strange you haven't absorbed this concept yet. "Bi women are straight but bi men are gay" is one of the most common tropes in the larger culture's conception of sexual identity.
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I don't mean to brag, but I have an astonishing lack of culture.
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bisexual women are hot
bisexual men are gross.
that's the underlying assumption.
homosexuality is considered positive/attractive among women, and normalized. a woman doesn't become less woman for being with a woman.
however, works the opposite for a guy. homosexuality makes a man less manly, or something.
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I am shocked too wtf. I feel bad for men who went through that BS.
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There's a streamer who I use to follow. Use to because she slowly went alt right. Anyway, one of her hangups with partners was refusing to date any man she suspected of being bi because she didn't want a penis that was up an ass in her. She also believes that most men are bisexual. She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
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Easy solution, only date bottoms
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She also believes that most men are bisexual.
It's funny, because I see so much bi-erasure among gay friends. The idea that every dude is a 6 on the Kinsey Scale and just suffering through straight sex because they don't know any better is stubbornly resilient.
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I mean, yeah. Most men are probably somewhat bi, but the idea that most men will seek out other men or even admit to not being repulsed by other men is laughable.
I remember back in highschool, a guy being so defensive, he wouldn't even describe what another guy looked like. I'm a straight guy, but I don't have any issues being able to describe another guy as conventionally attractive.
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Used to, not use to
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She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
You mean the ones who're in the closet?
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Please don't equivocate homophobia with closeted homosexuality.
There are tons of homophobes who aren't in the closet, and tons of gay guys in the closet who aren't homophobic. Not to mention that using this as an 'attack' toward a homophobe is literally using gay as an insult, which is the same thing homophobes do.
It does gay people no good.
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This is how she encounters so many closeted gay men.
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Fucking a twink is the manliness thing a man can do and if anyone wants to disagree with that I’ll fuck you too and I’m straight as fuck.
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Twinks are feminine, so fucking a twink is also feminine and that's gay. The manliest thing you can do is fuck the manliest guy you can find.
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Been looking for this recently. Thank you!
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I'm sorry, but you are completely wrong
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Reminds me of this stand up bit.
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I just want to fuck a bloke, man
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I’m in my mid thirties, and I’m a bi woman who tends to go for bi men. I was once chatting about one of my exes with my dad and same aged stepsister, when she expressed deep surprise that I would be willing to date a man who had dated a man. My dad agreed, which is par for the course, but I could not for the life of me get a believable answer from my stepsister as to why that would be a dealbreaker.
She had been part of the GSA in one of the most progressive towns in America and was at that time in first cohort of women to join a previously men-only fraternity at her college, so she definitely falls under the progressive umbrella.
I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.
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I mean you kinda said the reason yourself: "[she] join[ed] a previously men-only fraternity at her college". Of course I'm only speculating.
The people she surrounded herself with probably thought that way and thus she thought that way. Most people do not think critically about their beliefs very much, yes even most progressives are just progressives because of the people around them.
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Tbh, the fraternity was pretty inclusive. It wasn’t required that they go coed, they just decided to. I do wonder what she’s like now that she’s a lot further removed from her hometown, but I know she’s at least still heavily anti-trump.
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So, this woman is an asshole and you big brained your way to blaming men for it??? lol Did you get a temp ban from Reddit or something?
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I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.
What is the correlation between donating blood and being homophobic ?
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Gay and bi men are often excluded from donating due to higher HIV risk I believe.
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For a long time (at least through the late 2010s and possibly still now, I’m no longer a good candidate to donate for other reasons), you couldn’t donate if you were a man who had sex with men (MSM) or if you had had sex with a MSM recently (6 months-2 years). Your own condom use was irrelevant.
I did once decide to stick with hands only with someone because I had an appointment to donate blood later that week. My stepsister wasn’t aware of that restriction though and I can’t imagine it’s the presiding reason why a lot of even queer women aren’t interested in bi men, given the demographics of blood donation.
There are a lot of wild things that preclude you from donating blood depending on where you live though, including time spent in the UK during the mad cow disease spike, even if you were a vegan. I understand that blood donation organizations are working with such large numbers and such a small margin for error that they would rather exclude a thousand good candidates than let one bad candidate donate, but it ends up being extremely discriminatory. I looked for some recent numbers, and it is true that even today the majority of new HIV cases occur in MSM or people who have sex with MSM, but given how widespread HIV suppression treatment is (in the US), correct condom usage reduces that risk to nearly zero.
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It may be a byproduct of some dating issues from before her time dating that got passed down to her. Namely, that lots of gay men were in the closet, and ended up leaving their wife/girlfriend when they came out. And that could have carried through to women thinking it was that, because it's easier to think the person leaving you doesn't want women, not just doesn't want you.
Hopefully that mentality just disappears on its own after awhile. I think it's already on its way out.
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My current girlfriend is cool with it, but she's absolutely fantastic about pretty much everything.
One of my exs on the other hand was a bit more aggressive and weird about it. She had a lot of toxic masculinity beliefs going on.
The real issue I have is that a lot of them think its hot, along with some of the other things I may have been into at one point. It's a bit of a struggle to explain that I'm not asking for more, I'm just being transparent to avoid a potential bombshell being dropped in the future. I don't have the energy for a polycule, to bother with a third, or anything in the lifestyle anymore.
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Ive said it once, Ive said it a thousand times. No one pushes toxic masculinity like women do.
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If he's a hot twink, then yeah no that'd be fine with me. Perfectly understandable.
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Everymans straight until they meet a cute twink
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I'm a woman who is straight AF, not a bicurious-bone in my body that I've discovered yet, and I'm having a casual fling with a bisexual dude. It doesn't bother me at all, he's hot as fuck, sweet as hell, we have a good time together, and I have better things to do with my life than sit around and brood about the gender of his previous partners.
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good news, those red flags are getting out of your way.
better them gone than polluting your potential partner pool.
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Um, no. I am an old Xer lady and we know men can be bi too. And like the ladies... sexuality is on a continuum. Some people just love to canoodle with young beautiful bodies no matter what flavor... and as we get older, old beautiful kind considerate people.
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If everyone just embraced being queer, everything would be ok. Sex and relationships can barely survive identity politics, old school or new.
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Be me
Be straightWell, fuck me, I guess
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I think the difference is the perceived energy barrier if one wanted to fool around on their partner if they a bi vs het.
A bi guy could, hypothetically, find a guy on grindr pretty much on a whim if he wanted to. This is a much lower barrier than straight guys face unless they seek a sex worker. If you are a woman in the early stages of dating someone, where you don't know yet how much you can trust a guy, if a guy tells you he is bi that can come off as a higher cheating risk than a straight guy.
Straight guys dating a bi-girl don't have a similar perceived risk increase. Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as 'cheating', vs a bonus for his enjoyment. But also - finding a new girl to date is considered harder than finding an interested guy. So the 'cheating' risk doesn't feel that much higher for guys dating a bi-girl compared to a straight girl; he may feel like he is still mostly competing against other guys.
Is this fair or even realistic? No, this is based on perceived stereotypes rather than the behaviors and character of individuals.
But this plays out at a stage of dating where people don't know each other well yet and are relying on heuristics.
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It's also that gay sex is gross, and lesbian sex is 'hot'.
The policing around male sexuality is far more intense than it is around female sexuality. Also applies to sexual assault and statutory rape. a lady does it, NBD, if a guy does it, it's a heinous act.
Further, how many people agonize about female pedophiles vs male pedophiles?
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how many people agonize about female pedophiles vs male pedophiles?
What makes this statement even more horrifying is that more and more evidence is emerging that - like with cross-gender rape between adults - rates of pedophilia in the general population seems to be about 50/50 between the genders.
As in, it is equally as likely for a child to be preyed upon by a woman as a man.
And society doesn’t give two shits about female pedophiles or their victims. Hell, if the pedophile gets pregnant, the government will even gleefully re-victimize the victim on a monthly basis the moment he hits legal adulthood by forcing him to pay child support to his rapist.
Now, for the purest example of anti-male gender bigotry, examine the fury and outrage if the genders were reversed.
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Sorry, female pedos are as repulsive and degenerate as male pedos. All the stories of kiddie diddlers that are female teachers or nannies make me ill and inspire violence (which I refrain from) but they deserve to be locked up....for good.
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Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment.
Oh boy is that a land-mine I've stepped on.
A real, "wait I don't understand what do you mean you're in love with her?" moment that rang my bell back in my 20s. And then they ran off and got married. Which... hey, at some point how can you even be mad? They were clearly very happy together. Still sort of sucks to find out your axle was actually a third wheel.
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So they prefer to be with someone who would cheat at the first occasion but the occasion is hard to find than with someone who has no problem to find an occasion but decides not to?
I'd rather be disappointed early than wasting years on a scumbag
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FAKE: anon thinks girls are real GAY: anon wants to fuck a twink
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Just shows how deeply ingrained power relations are in society with an unproportional low complementing awareness and reflection about it.
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Bi men here, progressive women are not like that. Only "progressive" (read: plays lip service to some popular cause, until it's popular, often are TERFs etc.) do that, and you just need to skip on them, for more than one reason. I almost dated one, she turned out to be a "progressive" anti-abortionist, because "babies are people too", and "you can just use contraception".
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Let's not "no true scotsman" this, that only leads to madness.
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This is comment is proof the LGBT people can lie too... "Its not the good ones, only the evil ones".
Meanwhile, almost every other guy in the world that admits to sucking a cock even once and hes kicked out of the "youre so hot" gang forever by some progressive women. And no, its not just the ones its ok to hate cos social media said so.
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Women will leave him? I'm surprised to hear this.
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I'm not. I've seen it happen many times to friends. Straight girls can make out drunk at a bar/party and that's the end of it, but two men doing so are absolutely and irreversiblly gay.
It's just yet another facet of gender enforcement and cishet normalization. Heck during the first season of Love is Blind an engaged couple breaks up because he admitted to his fiance that he has slept with men before. Not that reality TV relationships are real relationships, but there are vast majority of women who see it as a deal breaker.
Unless of course you're just doubting anon talks to women at all. In which case, yeah... sus... 😒
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I assumed anon is a woman, based on the picture.
Since she's on 4chan she still probably doesn't talk to women.
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In my experience, gay men are much more poly-curious than straight women. So "bi" can easily be clocked as "cheating" from a certain perspective.
And there's definitely a lingering existential "what if my man's gay and he leaves me for another dude?" dread that I've seen more than one straight woman grapple with, particularly if the guy they're with is pushing 2+ on the Kinsey scale.
Tag in the Reddit-style "Dump him, he's not good for you!" social media vibe, and you'll get women who end a relationship because they would rather do the breaking-up than be on the receiving end.
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gay men are much more poly-curious than straight women
I used to have a gay man cut my hair (back when I used to have hair lol). Casey would talk very loudly about his sexual activities and it was always amusing to see the looks the other (female) hairdressers in the shop gave him. One time he was telling me about fucking an old woman, saying "sure, I'll stick my dick in whatever, why not?" This was especially amusing because it was right before prom night and the place was filled with high school girls getting their hair elaborately coiffed while their fading-flower mothers hovered nearby with shocked looks on their faces. This was in Louisiana, which is surprisingly a lot more tolerant of homosexuality than you might think (at least in some parts) - he was fired that day, which was a common occurrence for him. I think he worked out of five different salons during the time he cut my hair.
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"what if my man's gay and he leaves me for another dude?"
I hate stupid people. Like what if my "girlfriend is gay and leaves me for a woman?", "what if my girlfriend is straight and leaves me for a different man?", sounds like insecurity to me. Work on yourself and your insecurity and find someone who is loyal and commited to you. Their sexual orientation does not fucking matter and will not have any effect on weather or not they cheat on you if they do.
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Sounds like a problem solving itself. Being on the other end of toxic insecurity is fucked.
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While there is a kernel of truth about the whole gay men stereotype I can't say I ever met a girl who wouldn't date or dumped a guy if she learned he had a bi/gay phase. The only thing that comes close was the guy who got dumped cause he cheated on his gf with her gay best friend.
Hell I had a girl actually try to hook up with me because she heard a rumor I did something with a twink (I hadn't) and wanted set up some weird love triangle with her bi twink friend. I backed away from that one cause it was clear the guy crushed bad for her and there was no way that relationship was going to end with everyone walking away content.
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This post is bi-reasiure
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This post is bi-racial
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It's definitely a thing but i doubt it's progressive women who are perpetuating it.
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They didn't claim that. They said even progressive women will leave you, meaning they have that issue with all the usual suspects, but also progressive women.
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But it feels odd to single them out rather than who would really perpetuate.
You're right, the difference is that I'm reading it in bad faith and you're reading it in good faith.
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doesn't count as a true Scotsman fallacy if I assume they aren't really progressive.
but you can't be progressive if you have an issue with queer people or anyone bending gender boundaries.
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IME of having dated mostly progressive women... they are the ones perpetuating it the most while shouting in public that they aren't doing that. Or that they can't be biased because they are women and therefore nothing they think is wrong... only men can be homophobic in their minds.
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That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that.
Hopefully your experience is merely anecdotal. I'd need to have some numbers or a study before I change my mind personally though
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Love seeing progressive people dismiss the experiences of men
Keep up the bigoted work soldier
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Huh? I didn't dismiss either OP's or the other commenters's experience.
But I'm not going to jump to conclusions blindly at your say-so or he-said-she-said or your insults, because when you look at statistics: consistently, across a decade, across all age groups, women are far more supportive of LGBT folks, even the T in the UK (TERF Island).
I know this is a popular go-to thought terminating cliche for "bothsidesbad" type people, but beyond empathizing, what do you expect me to do exactly?
I am sorry to hear you had shitty experiences with progressive women. I had only good experiences with women period, even those on the older side, and I'm a trans woman in the UK. It's your word against mine unless we have studies and data and statistics, and unless you can demonstrate me some to support an actual argument, this conversation is pointless.
If you have no such data, then at least pose a hypothetical, proposes a mechanical explanation, suggest methodological flaws in existing data, but don't expect the world to adjust to your experiences or opinions.
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if they do that, they aren't really "progressive".
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Heteropatriarchal system
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Yes, that was an episode of Insecure.
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I always notice that the women that jump in and out of lesbian and straight relationships. Are usually slutty skanks. Just my personal experience.
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There are legitimate reasons for avoiding bi people in a straight relationship. Straight folks use contraceptives a fair bit more frequently than gay folks, for instance, leading to lower sti rates. Risk of infection is a legitimate concern and an awkward conversation in a fledgling relationship.
But, from what I’ve seen, it’s largely just not understanding how you’re meant to act in a relationship with a bi person and ingrained bigotry. Everyone is at least a little jealous, but you can’t remove your partner from the entire populace. Half is a big ask but doable. 100% is just abuse. Despite the world becoming safer and more accepting, we’re still dumb animals that ping ancient and irrelevant instruction sets, and ostracism is one of the oldest.
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MLM actually have higher condom use rates than MLW. It wasn't the case before AIDS, because they didn't have to worry about pregnancy and all of the STIs were pretty treatable, but they pivoted once they had a compelling reason.
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Dude... Bi people still do monogamy and a lot of them don't want polyamory or cheating. If you have a problem keeping to a single person that's a you thing, don't project it onto others.
Calling it "abuse" is really fucking weird.
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??
I've never heard of gay people ever using contraceptives. That'd be silly.
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Jesus christ, if you're so insecure you can't bear the thought of your partner being in proximity to ANYONE else, maybe you're the abuser here
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You have to check that with EVERY sexual partner, not just gay or bi ones.
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aaand thats why most of them just shut the fuck up and keep the past adventures to themselves
you usually don't talk in detail about previous women either.
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I'm straight and I couldn't give a fuck less who a partner fucked before me so long as it was legal and ethical.
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I suspect that men who have sex with men are more prone to STIs because they have a lot more sex with a much wider pool of partners, not because they're less careful statistically.
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Some people in a general sense are sluts. This is an old assumption that bi and gay folk are more sexually careless that hasn't really been true since the aids crisis.
Fun fact, wherever there is stigma or barriers in seeking health care or populations that are discriminated against you see higher rates of STIs because people wait longer to check on things that go wrong and don't catch them before they take hold. This includes immigrant populations, religious minorities in hostile cultures, queer people, racial minorities, homeless populations... They aren't all rawdogging it, these groups often feel they can't be honest with a doc or fear being rejected from healthcare situations. Some queer folk have trauma around medical care in the past. Where management and early testing drops off disease transmission becomes more common.
You will see old studies positing the multiple partners thing but the cutting edge data has seen this is a problem faced by multiple populations with the core of the problem sourced and traceable to the degree of stigma against the patients.
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literal propaganda from the Aids epidemic
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Maybe being gay is a weakness. If a woman wants a strong husband, is that regressive?
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Maybe being gay is a weakness.
Lol at you trying to frame blatant homophobia as an "innocent" question. Do you also do birthdays you fucking clown.
If a woman wants a strong husband, is that regressive ?
"If someone doesn't want to date outside their race, is that regressive?"
If your reasoning for not being attracted to someone, is because what they are makes them seen as "inferior" by bad people, you are a bad person yourself.
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If that's how they view men, then yes.
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Ancient Spartan warriors engaged in homosexual behavior does that make them weak?
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"I'm a progressive but I would never date a woman who's not down to raise me three kids, clean, cook, shop, clean, never drinks, smokes. She mustn't been ran through. Also she has to satisfy me every time I want, without having the expectations of she receiving it back, a human fuck puppet of sorts, also she has to keep pretty, sexy, lingerie, she has to keep fit, no tattoos. And also I want her to sign a prenup, she wasn't there when I earned everything I have, she don't get to keep half of nothing after we divorce. Also she has to be content with me fucking somebody younger on the side when her tits start to sag or gets crows feet. Also she has to fear god but first to fear me, also she can't be black or brown, also.. also.. also.. "
Also this is not a joke, this is how I've been raised and this is what my entourage of friends all push and strive for. I myself have broken from these traditional values inflicted by society and parents, but I will never forget how men sit down at the table and women are there only to serve.
They can fuck whoever they want, but don't be homophobic about it
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Lol gym bros are some of the gayest fucking straight people you'll ever meet, but gay = weak tooootally. You're funny
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Women having freedom is a weakness. If a man is wants a slave, is that regressive?
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Attention addict says edgy things for attention.
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330 comments
There is a weird bias against bisexual men in media. Someone I knew even once said she didn't believe bisexual men existed, all men are either straight or gay. For me self identification is important. If someone tells me they're straight but I believe they're bisexual, I'm going to call them straight.
Oh I've heard the "bisexual men don't exist" thing a million times, often from gay men.
I like to shut the conversation down by waving around the statistic that for every gay man, there are 3 bisexual men.