"Not reaching my potential" Fuck that line

My shrink said that this is basically the reason why full grown adults break down crying when they receive their diagnosis.

Basically they're discovering that they're not lazy pieces of shit.

It's... torture. Its unfair. Honestly being told that by so many people is kind of why I gave up for such a long time. If I ever tried again at all. All that same 'reinforcement' and 'feedback' thrown this way and I just got so tired of hoping to not disappoint people that I gave up and just stopped trying. If I was going to disappoint them anyway I might as well do it without torturing myself in the process, right?

I'm glad you pushed through. It's difficult as hell and to do it on your own and keep pushing, especially here in Canada where mental health supports are severely lacking? I don't know you but I'm proud of you.

Feeling this big time. I'm sure many of us can relate way to hard to that.

If anyone asks me to take on too big of a project that requires too much planning or stretch I freak the fuck out and inevitably fail to pull it off not just because of difficulties with ADHD but also because the emotional trauma from failing to live up to expectations over and over again is paralyzing.

I'm fortunate to have found a gig where I can basically just get better at the same thing and increase my level of challenge more incrementally. And I'm recognized and respected and valued by peers and bosses. I don't need promotions or more stress or responsibility. I can contribute to helping junior folks.

I will say that getting diagnosed and thus discovering my inability to finish things or "meet my potential" wasn't a moral failing and I let myself off the hook for a lot of things pretty fast. Sure the trauma response remained but at least I wasn't constantly berating myself anymore.

we're in the same boat, friend. It's hell trying to unlearn a lifetime of being told how much "unfulfilled potential" we have

R u me

I still struggle with it

Kind of a mental tractor pull combined with a drag race.

I lived through that fucking decade and I think it has a lot to do with how fucked up I am today. The way my school district dealt with a kid that couldn't sit still was to lock them in a cinder block room with nothing but a desk and a pencil. They would keep you in there until you finished whatever assignment the teacher gave you.

Then I was prescribed ritalin. I was ridiculously allergic to it and it gave me seizures. When I wasn't having seizures I was almost catatonic which the school liked, because it meant I stayed in my chair. The school tried their best to keep me on it even though my parents were VERY unsure about the whole seizures thing and negative effects on my personality. One day I asked my mom "If I do something bad when I'm on my medicine, do I go to hell?" (I have a very religious family) and that was the push they needed to take me off it.

I haven't sought treatment or therapy since, because of that whole debacle. Every once in awhile I think about it, but it sends me in an anxiety/ptsd spiral and I chicken out.

Hell, when I graduated, they would give you your permanent record along with your diploma on the stage. Everyone else's was super thin, but mine was three folders about three inches thick each. I didn't even look at it, just burned it out of shame. I'm sure it was full of "prime mover has a lot of potential" bullshit. I wish so bad that I could be normal, but I don't think I even got a ticket for that boat before it sailed.

Sorry for the rant. Still pissed off at my school system, but not sure who to share that rage with. Fuck em all

It backfired by causing school shootings. We're dealing with the fallout of Boomer-style parenting now. For anyone who has or is about to have children, look up gentle parenting.

I called myself an underachiever because the only other thing I could call myself based on what I was told every day was a failure.

I figured out how to use it all to my advantage as an adult but it was such a shit road getting there.

There was a Bart Simpson t-shirt my mom bought me when I was a kid. Bart said: Underachiever and proud of it.

I remember radio ads for some bullshit corporate product service bullshit, the announcer said "It's a no brainer!", and the simpleton character, meant to stand in for all of us, goes "Uhh... no brainer? Oh I like that, hyuck hyuck hyuck!"
I remember this ad making me angry. Then also being vaguely disturbed when I noticed that this cynical marketing profile was all over the place.

This was my life. I managed to get a masters degree and loved the process but everything else in life has been a constant struggle just to do basic things.

"Just do it"

Well, I'm trying, but my brain decided I should spend the next 3 hours doomscrolling while I mentally kick myself for not doing the thing already.

I think with adulthood there's been more things I can "just do", but the smaller things usually get procrastinated to hell and back for no reason besides "my brain didn't want to do it".

Same with potential, whatever greatness I was promised by everyone who said that hasn't happened yet.

Holy shit that makes my blood boil! If I earned a B you fucking give me a B, marks are not arbitrary and based on your feelings.

We had a teacher like this for my youngest son. Her marking of his work was consistently two letter grades below every other mark he got in all of his subjects. Got the school board involved after having a few other teachers independently grade the same paper she gave him a C on. She is no longer involved in any of his studies.

I've always had bad grades, so for that one test my mom studied very hard with me. After grades were given back, my teacher came up to me and literally said that the performance was worthy of a 2 (B) but she's given me a 4 (D) again, to motivate me.

Needless to say, motivation was not achieved.

Furthermore, it's one of the core experiences that led me to mentally check out of the school system eventually and still fuels my distrust of authorities and institutions to this day, almost 20 years later. Well done Frau Bauer.

Wow you've brought back unhappy memories 'a for achievement, d for effort' and 'you got everything right but poor presentation, c'

Worst was when I'd to a test and get all the answers right and they'd question how I did so well, bitch because you can't take marks away for no reason on a multiple choice. Actual worst was that this was 1990 and they wouldn't let me do my homework typed 'when you get a job your boss is going to need things hand written' fucking what lol

Is that because you started doing drugs as a way to escape all of the pressure of having such high potential and low achievement? Asking for a friend...

this thing happened to me too. infuriating

See a doctor. May not be the most helpful advice, but it helped me after 29 undiagnosed years.

Hello, clinical MH counselor with ADHD here. This meme isn't a good indicator of ADHD symptoms since it more broadly reflects the experience of being a "gifted child". While many with ADHD fall into this category, it's not a proper criterion or indicator of ADHD. Many without ADHD struggled with "gifted kid syndrome" too, after all.

If you'd like an ADHD self-assessment, you can check out the ASRS-v1.1. It is NOT a diagnosis ; it only indicates that follow up is warranted. Many symptoms can overlap with things like Anxiety disorders or Autism Spectrum Disorders, etc. You need a clinician to perform a proper ddx for that. But it should be a good starting point.

You go to a doc. They’ll usually give you a form to fill out and it’s really a self evaluation. Answer enough questions the “right way” and they’ll take a closer look.

For me, the confirmation of the condition was after taking the new rx for a few days. “Oh, THIS is what a quiet mind is!”

Take some of the questionnaires from more legitimate ADHD resource sites. Where I scored highly likely to be ADHD, my partner did not at all.

That being said, you could also undergo psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, but it may be a little expensive. I would recommend it if you can, because medication and appropriate psychotherapy can greatly improve quality of life.

Consult this.

Echoing others, see a doc, specifically a psychiatrist. Mine sent me to a neuro-psychologist for evaluation. It was a bit brutal, taking several hours but, it got me officially diagnosed at 31 and enabled me to get treatment that was pretty life changing.

I hate this. And I hate the constant message from everything and everyone that we need to be constantly growing, learning, improving. It just makes you feel like you're never good enough, and when you get to good enough, there'll be a new level of good enough you haven't reached yet.

Can't I just enjoy who I currently am??!

I don't know. If I were more productive at making cookies, I would be happier because I could eat more cookies.

So many were back then. Swaths of them also were informed that there's a good chance we had these conditions, but then handwaved them away because they got by just fine. Plus those damn doctors are over medicating everyone just trying to make a quick buck!

Don't forget all the friends of friends saying their once boisterous and weird brother suddenly turned into a zombie... By not being constantly disruptive, able to focus, and were quiet for a bit lmfao.

At work, we call that seagulling.. they swoop in, shit all over everything, and then fly away.

Yeah... It hurts.

I'm glad you're better off my friend <3

I think arming yourself with information about ADHD is your best bet to break any cycles related. Get diagnosed, get them diagnosed, seek counseling if it's feasible. There are a ton of coping skills that can help, but they have to be learned, and counseling will help in that tremendously. If that's not available, there's a ton of resources online.

It's also important to know that ADHD isn't necessarily something wrong with you, it's an adaptation. People with ADHD tend to be incredibly well performing when they're in the right environments, which is the kind of thing that can be learned through counseling or research.

Search for "adhd coping skills" and try them all until you find what works for each of you.

Since what works is different for everyone so you will both need to develop coping skills independently.

But also keep in mind that many techniques won't work for you and you need to be persistent and that doesn't come naturally with ADHD so I suggest aiming for whatever technique will help you achieve that first.

I’ve started saying out loud around my child, “Doing it this way isn’t working very well for my brain. I need to try other ways until I find what works for me.”

I needed to hear that so badly as a child (heck I need to hear it as an adult!) And I’ve noticed my child is less hard on herself since I’ve started doing this.

I'm not going to disagree with your points about capitalism, overstimulation, and needing labor unions and a better world - those are all fair points.

However, I also wouldn't go so far as to say "you don't need stimulants." If the effect of stimulant medication only boosted productivity, sure. But for me, stimulant medication is more about improving my working memory, I don't feel a burst of energy to get me through the jobs I need to do, I'm just not fighting my own brain and poor memory as often. I'm an adult, and I do take days and sometimes weeks off from taking my meds, either because I forget to take it, or occasionally am overstimulated because of the hellscape we live in, and know more stimulation will make things worse. I don't think the "must take stimulants every day" thing some do to themselves or their kids is healthy either. And I think it's bad if you are only taking stimulants for the sake of meeting expectations of those around you. But if they help get your brain struggle less on the things you actually care about and want to do, there shouldn't be any shame in taking them.

worthless failure can be part of the diagnostic criteria. (not really but somewhat) you may still want to talk with a professional. you have likely developed coping strategies.

Everyone is born with their own standard human brain. Just because we have named some groupings of behaviors and thought patterns, and can sometimes even point to specific causes and structural or molecular differences... it doesn't mean anyone has an "excuse," just an explanation.

People with ADHD, heck even people with TBIs, are still 100% at fault, because it's their own brain. The good news for you, is that you have more opportunity to feel fulfilled than they ever will.