I go to Lemmy to escape the depression and the depression has followed me here, marvelous
95I would unsubscribe from me_irl then. I like the content, but that sort of a community always had somewhat depressing memes, whether it's here or on Reddit.
6It's like hide and seek! But less fun.
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My version - I need to constantly remind those around me that I am helpful and provide services or they'll forget I exist.
No joke, that's what my life has taught me. People don't hate me, but if I stop gently reminding them I exist, then they'll forget me. It's happened many, many times. I've come to accept that I'm not inherently likable.
31Fuck that's so relatable, I hate it. I can't keep track of the number of
friendsfriendships I've had just evaporate the moment I stop texting first.Edit: lol
15God I'm having issues with that right now. I don't make friends or anything like that. I'm not good with people. But I had met someone who would repeatedly call me their friend. They moved away but said we could still be friends and everything but it was all a lie. They never really liked me and never text me or anything. They repeatedly told me when they were going to be in town, but didn't end up wanting to hang out when they were here. I told them how upset I was at turning 30 when I had saw them but they flat out forgot it was my birthday and never said anything despite me texting them happy birthday a week prior.
It just sucks, man. I know it's stupid for me to be this upset about something so dumb. But I don't make friends easily and no one calls me their friend. So when it all ends up to be a lie then I just have the hardest time getting over it.
5We live in soem whirlwind society that has us doing BS all the time cause productive. That being said losing friends like that is so sad...
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Definitely not true.
But the issue here is so deep that it is hard to explain.
First, obviously, if someone doesn't care to give back that relationship isn't worth your time anyway. But you probably know.
Second, when you are there for others but not entirely there from your own base of security, it is received as a temporary interaction, no matter if it is a pleasant or "profitable" interaction
Third, when you get back from a relationship, when they freely give to you, you probably can not fully identify that it has happened, and when you prompt yourself constantly for if you get enough you don't have proof. So to expand on this one, you need to be super conscious about if it just feels like you are forgotten but in reality you have been appreciated and praised but it slipped off you.
You will never receive enough energy attention and love by struggling for it. This is because you never control others, and if you manage to do that, it will be truly just sabotaging any possible real unconditional friendship or love.
You can just give from your side, be so secure in yourself that you have the ability to evaluate objectively if you want to have the relationship if it doesn't really give you joy in life
3What if you want them all to forget?
1I kinda wish. I wish I didn't crave approval and companionship, but I do. I feel it as intense as any hunger pang.
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and yet nobody gives a crap. I'm currently trying to do some art just for myself, but there's still that annoying urge to show it to someone, hoping for a shred of validation.
26Show meeee :3
I can only draw stick people, you can't do worse than me!
12show me :3
10Things that are made are meant to be shared -- we're such social creatures and we want to help each other. It's hard to remove yourself from the equation but I think more and more the artist is more akin to someone reading a letter more than a creator. Share the things they are supposed to be.
9It's tough because posting art online and getting a lot of unsolicited (and often unconstructive) criticism can be very demoralizing to less seasoned artists. I often see "well you shouldn't have posted it online if you didn't want comments" and an idea that only "good" art deserves to be seen.
When I was a young teen, I saw a thread on Reddit asking people to post their poems, so I posted one I was reasonably proud of. Only response was someone telling me it sucked. Kinda broke something in me that day, I don't think I've written a poem since.
12While commonly true, it isn't universlly true. I like making things with no intent to ever share them because they are for me. Not practice things, but things that make me happy from going through the process and having a result.
I also make somethings that other people see.
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That's why it's good to find someone else who also wants to share their stuff.
Yeah, it may feel like work at first, but after a while you gain a kind of appreciation for each other's stuff, and then genuine interest takes hold and you start to look forward to what your friend(s) are going to share.
This is precisely what my book club has turned into. We haven't read a book in over a year lol
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The best advise I heard is you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Do whatever you want to do which you enjoy, as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process. Do something because you enjoy doing it and you're not expecting validation.
22Imposter syndrome isn't real, you made it up because you are crazy. Just like you made up gaslighting.
Well, you didn't make up gaslighting. Someone else did and you just stole it.
Because you are crazy
21who did you hurt?
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Even if you get good at that thing, the compliments won't subdue the imposter syndrome.
18Yep. It's a nasty thing the brain does, it puts all foreign information through a filter made from convictions. If you're convinced that you do not deliver enough and are not worthy of love, your brain will make the wildest explanations for when someone just proves the opposite to you instead of just taking that at face value. If that person then maybe gives up at some point or just has a bad day your brain will be all like "Ah! See! Told you!"
Good thing is, you can train yourself out of that by doing parallel, rational analysis and explaining the result to yourself. Repeatedly, often. That is fucking hard though and you will fall back to the old mode when under stress. Keep on it, get external help with that, if possible.
7Good description, but I would say even the parallel and seemingly rational analysis can be very one sided. I noticed on myself that in similar situations my "rational" analysis swings in the same direction as my mood. And if it doesn't, I sometimes do not believe, or more precisely, do not feel it. So it doesn't really help quite a lot. This doesn't make it useless, just a side note to not be to harsh on yourself if it doesn't work.
Another thing which also helps me in such situations, is to remember these are just feelings. Sometimes you just feel worthless or dumb, but this are just your feelings, not you. And just because you feel this way, it doesn't need to be true. Acknowledge the feeling, but try to still notice it is just a feeling.
1Good description, but I would say even the parallel and seemingly rational analysis can be very one sided. I noticed on myself that in similar situations my "rational" analysis swings in the same direction as my mood. And if it doesn't, I sometimes do not believe, or more precisely, do not feel it. So it doesn't really help quite a lot. This doesn't make it useless, just a side note to not be to harsh on yourself if it doesn't work.
Another thing which also helps me in such situations, is to remember these are just feelings. Sometimes you just feel worthless or dumb, but this are just your feelings, not you. And just because you feel this way, it doesn't need to be true. Acknowledge the feeling, but try to still notice it is just a feeling.
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Oh and some people just feel threatened when they see that you're better than them at something.
1The essence of existential life we live.
1
I don't suffer from this, but man do I feel like a red crying blob on the inside.
13It is too early in the morning to be able to deeply relate to shit like this.
10Don’t get your hopes up. I’m good at several things. Still not worthy of love.
9My mom praised me up and down for being naturally smart. Whenever I made a serious effort on something, she found a reason to punish me.
9In case you needed this today:
8Awh... Such a cute song...
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You are worth of love red triangle dude. We don't always get what we are worth of though
8oddly concrete
5Basically what I was told when I said 'there is someone for everyone is a bullshit platitude'.
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There is an elephant in thailand and would be found similar on many places who draws self potraits and simple images
Does he also have imposter syndrome?
4Omg
2Anyone else slightly obsessed with being well known for something just so people ask your opinion on stuff? I just kinda want some people to care what books I like or what YouTube channels I watch.
1You gotta get good at something because the resulting confidence will help a lot.
0Foreword: I'm not being combative, just analytical.
This line of thinking perpetuates the problem. The point is to get good because you, personally, want to get good and derive satisfaction from competence 'in a vacuum.' If you seek competence for the sake of its artificially associated value (i.e. productive member of society, validation, etc.), then you're basically locking yourself into unrelenting standards.
2I get good because it feels awesome. IDGAF about others standards or what they want me to provide them.
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