Atheists of Lemmy, is your partner religious?

Yes but she doesn't go to church often, she convinced me to come with once and it took me from being an atheist who isn't opposed to Christianity to being fully convinced that it's just a worldwide cult

46

Lol, what kind of church did you go to? Was it just the singing and slideshow kind, or were they doing something more hardcore?

4
- None of that it was just one of the Easter sermons and they were telling a story about jesus, the way they said he always referred to himself as god just felt like it was some sort of heavens gate situation
  
  8
- Sacrificing virgins
  
  5
- Catholic masses are extremely cult-like. There's a choreographed stand/sit/kneel dance, "everybody please give us money" phase, plus a part where everyone lines up to eat their unappetizing snack.
  
  And they speed kids through the initiation process so that they are "committed" before high school, when they might start thinking for themselves.
  
  I don't understand how anyone can look at that religion and not immediately see that it's mostly a power grab dressed up as a salvation from inherited sins that were made up in the first place. And then later, it's, "Hey yeah, you'll get into heaven, just tell us all the dirt on you!"
  
  3

Nope, thank God.

35

I'm vegan (24 years) and my wife is not. That doesn't bother me, but I couldn't handle it if she was religious.

31

I find it so cool that you've been vegan for 24 years, as a younger vegan (7 years) I thank you for suffering through groceries with one brand of soy milk and maybe some tofu (if you're lucky) so that we can live in this world were I have access to vegan fudgesicles at the local grocery store.

I'm curious though, because veganism has definitely been a point of contention in my past few relationships; how do you and your wife manage meals? Do you do separate meals, or is it more of a "she's vegan at home" type situation?

11
- For sure being vegan has gotten a lot easier since I started. At home, I'm very lucky that she does most of the cooking. Sometimes she eats what she makes for me, other times she makes herself something separate. I wash the dishes to my own standards, so I don't worry about "contamination" except for a few things: cutting board, frying pan.
  
  Being (or being with) a vegan can be super inconvenient at times. After all these years (married for 21), we are super well-adjusted to it.
  
  3
I am religious, my partner is a confident atheist.

1

My husband and I were both still practicing Catholics when we met, even went to church together. Then he stopped going but I still did.

We moved to a different state and both started working from home. I stopped going to church because it was a small rural Midwest town and I stuck out too much (am brown).

Working from home meant a lot of computer time and YouTube rabbit holes. Between Sam Harris and Dan Barker, I found myself no longer believing.

My husband also ended up an atheist on his own, though we never discussed any of it with each other. I don't even think he watched any of the same videos. Just one day I guess we talked about it and discovered we were both no longer Catholic.

28

Congrats to you both!

11

You guys have partners?

23

lelz

2

My wife is religious. I'm sure what to say about it. It's a non issue in our lives. She thinks what she wants. I think what I want. Kids were a little tricky, but we worked through it. They got introduced to the idea of religion when they were younger and I made no bones about not believing and we agreed they could decide for themselves. AFAIK they are both atheist but who knows when they experience significant loss - a lot of people turn to religion then. The older kids from her first marriage are all believers I think but also pretty casual I think. I think my oldest married an atheist, but the truth is I just don't have reason to talk about religion or lack thereof with anyone.

ETA: we were married by a pagan. I also married my daughter dressed as Darth Vader after dueling her husband for her hand. So it's just not a big thing.

19

No, but I wouldn't rule someone out because of it as long as they were respectful

17

My wife's Catholic, but apparently that means something different in the Philippines. More vague than dogmatic, I guess? In any case, her religion is nothing like the religion I know from America.

For example, she doesn't know the first thing about the Bible, not even the standard Sunday school stuff. Nothing. Yes, I'm sure I'll get comments that Christians don't read the Bible, but her ignorance is astonishing. A comedian told a Bible joke and she clearly didn't get it. "You know! It's the story of 'I forget'. Blank stare.

She doesn't let it rule her life in any way. No church, rituals or confession either. We got married in a church, but that wasn't important to her in the slightest. I wanted to marry there because it's a quaint little place from the 1920s that was moved to my favorite outfitters (camping, kayaking, cabins, hiking, etc.) land.

She's definitely prone to magical thinking, but not the "Jesus will make it all good." sort. More like, "Your car's AC is clearly failing." "It's OK. It was cold a few minutes ago." Call it positivity in the extreme.

She has a rosary on the rear view window. Often grabs it and does the stations of the cross when nervous. (Which is kinda hilarious, but I don't laugh.) Found a fairly nice crucifix in the trash and gave it to her. She was thrilled and hung it by her side of the bed. Whatever.

Now that I think on it, I should get her a really nice rosary from Christmas.

12

Oh, a lot of Filipinos can be quite cultural in their Catholicism.

As far as my own experience goes, catechism in Philippine public schools is more of a guy from the nearby church gives a series of weekly lectures that students don't really pay attention to in order to have their first communion. And then after confirmation is treated more of a rite of passage than anything. Even my peers from Catholic schools aren't that much better either, but they do have allotted time for religious teaching (or indoctrination). As far as people I know are concerned, they don't take it seriously either.

There is no such thing as a Sunday school here, at least nothing that I know of.

There might be some people really serious about their Catholicism, but they're few and far between. For a lot of people, going to church is for the Christmas eve mass (on night of the 24th of December), and maybe the Easter day mass, and sometimes even for their birthday (which is basically: go to church and pray for a bit, light a candle, etc.) However, going to church every Sunday is not something a lot of people do. And even when they do, not a lot pay attention to the homily and most just go through the ceremony and motions.

However, we can be pretty wild with our devotions: the Black Nazarene being the most well-known. Thousands of people flock to its yearly procession. And then there's the infamous vows of being crucified during the yearly Lenten reenactment of Christ's crucifixion in certain town and localities.

And then there's our love of religious paraphenalia. Lots of Filipino homes have an altar with figures of their preferred saint alongside the icon or statue of the virgin Mary, Sacred Heart of Jesus and/or Jesus on the cross. ‌ This altar also has a candle (unlit, for safety, but sometimes lit for a few hours on certain days). This is also where some novena booklets, rosaries, and other blessed (as in sanctified by a priest in a special prayer at the end of novena masses) religious paraphernalia are placed.

Despite this outward show of religion, we barely know anything of it. Whatever little we may know of our religion mostly comes to us via whatever our parents teach us, if at all, or that scant cathecism given to us before our first communion. It's no wonder then, that most of us don't have any idea what our religion requires us to believe, or whatever the bible says. The bible might sometimes be part of the family altar, but often, it's just there to gather dust.

Just a disclaimer though, while I count myself among the people I described, I‌ later on became agnostic. However, only my partner (who is more of a Reddit atheist, btw) knows that.

3
- Not surprised the Filipino catholic experience is similar to the latino catholic experience in my neck of the woods. Grew up catholic in a catholic school, and yeah, what you describe tracks. Down to the altar and general ignorance about the nitty gritty.
  
  Also, the cath school thing, around here kids didn't take the religion class too seriously either. From my class, of about 60-70 kids, only two enrolled into a numerary programme, and besides them, I know a handful are devout church-goers.
  
  I also ended up agnostic, and luckily it only ever turned out to be a problem in two relationships.
  
  3
- WOW! I'll have my wife give your comment a read. Sounds about exactly as I had imagined her religious background.
  
  And again, for those not in the US, religion is a very different animal halfway around the planet.
  
  2
What is the joke or story of 'I forgot'?

2
Philippines- and rosary-loving atheist here. She’s a keeper.

1

No, that is a deal breaker for me.

12

I'd consider it, but if they're serious about it, I'm sure they wouldn't love the way I look at them when they explain how well their spell/saint's toe is working.

7

I am religious and my partner is confidently atheistic. Our moral and ethical precepts are well-matched enough to get along with, even though they stem from different sources.

11

No, I don't think that would work for me.

10

My wife is atheist, but I'm pastafari.

9

There’s a noodlely appendage joke somewhere in there…

Does she at least understand the correlation between global warming & the recidivism of piracy?

I just can’t fathom sitting around a Sunday evening dinner table & NOT talking about how we must become pirates to ascend.

1
- There’s a noodlely appendage joke somewhere in there
  
  ~~Amen~~ al dente
  
  2
- Back when we met she looked me up on Facebook, where I had listed my faith. She thought it would be a deal-breaker for a minute or two until she read up on pastafarianism.
  
  She has come to accept my faith and has even read the good book cover to cover.
  
  2
Haven’t you shown her the chart with the pirates? Can’t argue with science.

1

My wife was a Christian when we started dating, but her opinions on LGBTQ+ issues made her start questioning her faith which led her to leave the faith altogether by the time we were married.

8

Yup. It's never been an issue

7

Used to be. Just kinda stayed on my ground I don't believe any of that crap, then all the weird religious anti trans gay etc stuff basically solidified it for my SO as time went on. That plus other things just really were the nail in the coffin and that was that. I think that means we are both atheists now.

6

Yes, she's wiccan, but certainly not pushy about it.

6

Wild people rule out others based on religion. I don’t give af as long as they’re good people

6

What's wrong with wanting to share the same values, and to live in the same reality as your partner?

12
- It's easy enough to find a religious person who's nice, but a shared reality is basically impossible if you really believe in science.
  
  4
- I guarantee you that there are things you think are for real that aren't. So to disregard shared values for sake of a specific one of these things is...interesting. May your ex's continue with their good fortune.
  
  -5
It can be a big issue if they lean a little harder into religion and start thinking they need to save your soul.

6
- That’s why I say good people. Good people respect others religions and don’t try to force feed them theirs
  
  1

I am single. I haven't dated a religious woman since 2008 and will not again, she was enough.

6

ha, naw. i couldnt be with someone who believes in nonsense

6

My partner still believes but sees the BS in religion. I feel she just can't say she is atheist. We met after our kids were adults and out of the house. My kids are atheists though I never discussed religion with them. Her son is atheist and her daughter probably doesn't believe (from our conversations) but is raising her kids Catholic because it is important to her husband who was raised in a very religious household.

5

We are lifetime atheists with completely different backgrounds, me a baptiized catholic (as a baby) and my wife sefardic Jewish, her family migrated from Portugal to Amsterdam in 1497 and they have a very interesting and well recorded family history.

My huge family comes mostly from the Aachen region in Germany, Belgium and the South Netherlands. Mine workers. My grandma had 14 kids, you know catholic and all.

We never felt uncomfortable with each other but our families didn't get along well, they are not on speaking terms.

5

No,

4

We're both religious; we both identify as (unaffiliated) Satanists.

4

Yes. I became an atheist after we'd been married for several years. It made for a bit of a rough time until we settled into the new status quo.

4

I can't wait to get to the point where the status quo isn't rough.

If you don't mind me asking, were kids in the mix? It's been rough anyways, but kids are certainly making it much more so.

4
- Thankfully no kids in the mix. I can imagine how that complicates things.
  
  2

My parents are that way, dad is an atheists and mom is a christian that doesn't actively attend any church (and hasn't in decades).

4

She vaguely thinks there may be something out there but it has zero bearing on her life. I think that makes her functionally an agnostic atheist.

3

We are both atheist however I have to appear pious at times, I hope that it doesn't get me into trouble with her parents who are rather anti-religious and who don't believe that I am atheist

3

Honestly we balance each other really well and have some really interesting discussions but I should be clear that it looks like this more than anything else:

It's kinda like the deism vs theism debate in the final Space Odyssey; at least one god vs no more than one god.

2

Yes and it can be a challenge. We married before I had really solidified my views on it. Ironically my views became solid AF because I started reading the Bible. Fixed me up right away.

We get by because she does not push it on me and I don't really talk to her about it. I get along with her and her family because they are really good people who choose to follow the best parts of the Bible. They are relatively progressive, meaning they are tolerant of other religions, accept abortion more or less along the lines of Roe v. Wade, etc. I do wish she was an atheist because I liken religion to a cult and sometimes when she makes negative comments about MAGA people I have to hold my tongue. But otherwise she's great. She takes care of me and I her. Been married 20 years.

If anything happened to her I think I would actively seek a new mate who was atheist.

2

Idk if I can technically answer this question, I'm quite religious, I believe in a few. Namely The Church of the SubGenius, the worlds only true fake religion, and The First Church of the Last Laugh, the world's fastest growing snack religion. Praise both "Bob" and St. Stupid.

But as someone of a few different religions that themselves are different from those I've dated (both athiest and multiple sects of christian), it wasn't much of an issue. They push theirs I push mine, they don't I don't, eye for an eye makes the whole world full of eyes!

2

She's semi-Buddhist, from a country where that's prevalent. She would probably visit a temple or something if we weren't always together, but it's not like I stop her from going.

2

No, but was brought up in it throughout most of her child hood. JW stuff.

1

She's a mostly lapsed Catholic. So she just goes to Xmas Mass with her mom.

1

Fuck no 😂

1

Fuck no, why would anyone tolerate or actually love that bullshit... Irrational magical thinkers, might as well just marry an animal.

-8

Implying the average atheist is able to get a romantic partner is being generous

-17