Pulling out the secret weapon
Pulling out the secret weapon
33 comments
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If Saints Row taught me anything, don’t discount the dildo bat.
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The way it flops... I could not stop laughing the first time I used it.
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When the dildo bat is unavailable, use the alien dildo instead aka the Tentacle Bat
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The captains log!!
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It's absurd that they send their top executives on away missions. He's a desk officer. He should never hold a gun.
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This always bugged me. Dangerous planet where we have no idea what to expect? Let's send all the most senior staff.
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It's especially hilarious on DS9 when they send the entire command staff of the station PLUS the non-Federation security chief on random missions.
Like, who's running the fucking station if the Dominion attacks?
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Picard: Shoot them.
Sisko: Shoot them.
Janeway: Shoot them.
Kirk: Fuck them.
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In Kirk's defense. He did try pulling a phsae-rifle on gary and it didn't work. So, realizing his backup was non-viable, sought a more reliable solution.
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Necessity is the dildo of invention. As they say.
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In Kirk's defense, he didn't need anything more than a club. The man could full-body body-check multiple opponents at once. He fought a dinosaur hand-to-hand, and in the end won by hand-crafting a blunderbuss using nothing but natural environmental materials.
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Are these phaser rifles actually better? It never seems like they’re any more powerful or accurate than the handheld versions.
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A rifle is more stable than a pistol, even when recoil isn't a part of the equation. More mass means it needs more force to change the direction it's pointed in, plus the stock can be braced against the chest/shoulder to make it less dependent on keeping arms steady.
Plus I'd imagine more space gives it more versatility. The hand phasers are enough to vapourize a person, but the rifles can likely do that more times with less overheating or increase power even more to overwhelm shields or vapourize larger or more stable things.
But yeah, overall power and accuracy are whatever the writers deem them to be. If Piccard needs to take out three enemies while not taking out two others, it doesn't matter if he's ordering Worf to hit them with the ship's phasers from orbit or throwing rocks.
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My complaint isn’t that the rifles aren’t conceptually be better. It’s that you never see this in the actual media. They are a plot device to show “we are super serious now” but then they never seem to be better than the normal phasers. You never see a situation where oh the normal phaser sucks but once I switch to my rifle the situation is solved. Unless there is an example of this.
In First Contact, they only got a couple of shots out of the rifle and then used them as melee weapons. Well how about just give everyone a bat’leth to begin with?
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i chuckled at lower decks just calling them "big phasers"
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Pulling out – the secret weapon.
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To really cement your dominance try not pulling out. They'll feel very subordinate they have to clench and hover on the car ride home so they don't get white stains in their pants.
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You know what they say, dildos are just diplomacy by other means.
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Picard and diplomacy not working – pick one of the two.
33 comments