"And my dick fucks your wife more than you do. What's your point?"

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.

With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.

Nice.

Good for you, why should I care?

“Why would I own a car? Our public transportation works fine. Or a watch, since I can already see the time from my mobile phone.”

“Your watch cost more than £100?”

Imagine not being able to tell the time by just looking up

When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.

My car has an analog clock face too.

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

Fool and his money.

That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

Has this one done it? or how many such watches in do you get to be happy?

Tell him I still banged your mom tho

"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

"My wealth is in stocks"

"that's so sad"

But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

"Was it meant to make you happier? I'm not sure it worked."

"Oh, am I supposed to kiss it?"

I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.

But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."

Sounds like you got ripped off

I have friends.

And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.

"You got it wrong, expensive watches dont go faster"

"It's certainly a nice looking piece of jewelry"

"what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"

"one more time?"

"ok. thanks for letting me know."

My phone is more accurate

"So, you're both rich and stupid"

Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

neat

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

Sorry I'm not into bracelets

"What's your point?"

“Ok”

See this casio watch? Still more accurate than whatever the fuck watch you have

“Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden”

"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."

"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."

"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."

Jokes on you, with the deferred maintenance, my car has negative worth.

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

That's when you pull Nick Swarsdson's wrist watch bit. "Hey man I can't read my watch, can you read my watch?"

"Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark."

"I don't have a car"

"Oh, well this gun costs less than your watch, and yet: hand it over."