If the devil appeared to you and offered to answer any 3 questions, what would you ask?

TIL Satan is a genie.

Also, in these games, the folks going for "more wishes" are shooting low. The only wish you need, which also defeats the monkey's paw, is "grant me omnipotence."

But: this is Satan we're talking about. The Deciever, The Traitor. Not only is this a monkey-paw situation, but a Christian Satan is going to actively try to decieve you.

I don't think I'd even trust his answer about whether there's a cost, so I'd pass on the winning lotto numbers, too.

I'd say, "no thanks" and immediately convert to Catholicism, start going to church, and lead a clean life from here on out. If the orthodox Jews are right, I'm fucked anyway since my mother isn't a Jew, so Christianity is the best bet.

40

Omnipotence without knowing how to control it could very easily instantly annihilate you, whether physically or mentally through complete ego death.

8
- Omnipotence means you can do literally anything, and anything includes having perfect control of your powers without knowing how to use them. It also includes the ability to continue to interact and exist as an omnipotent being even if you were completely, utterly, 100% destroyed.
  
  If you were omnipotent, you could just decide that every action you take will benefit you in some way and then, it doesn't matter what you do, you're doing the right thing. You could even just choose not to lose yourself in your newfound power.
  
  You don't have to know how to do something to do it when you're omnipotent. You don't even have to know the option to do it exists to choose that option. Because omnipotence means the ability to do literally anything, even when it makes no logical sense.
  
  Of course, none of this makes logical sense. It doesn't have to, because omnipotence isn't a scientific concept or anything. It's a word we chose to define in a contradictory way. It's like if we made a new word that means "somebody who can do things they're completely incapable of doing." Not even really a paradox so much as a word whose definition makes no sense.
  
  The weirdest part to me is that an omnipotent being must, by necessity, have the ability to create a being with powers exceeding omnipotence. Something more powerful than them. But they must also have the ability to overpower their creation, otherwise there'd be something they can't do, and they would therefore not be omnipotent. That's just a mindboggling thing to think about.
  
  2
This is the only true safe wish or questions. Nothing is pressing enough to ask just to get purposefully deceived and probably in such a way as to cause harm

6
I thought if Judaism is correct gentiles can avoid Gehennom (purgatory) by following the 7 noahide laws?

3
- And here I thought the Jewish faith didn’t have an afterlife?
  
  So much conflicting information in this religion thing. I think I’ll just avoid it all together.
  
  3
- Dunno. I haven't studied it; all my info comes from informal conversations with a jewish friend of mine, a long time ago. I could also be misremembering what he said.
  
  It's something I would look into, if faced with confirmation of a judao-christian afterlife, especially if I could concurrently cover multiple bases. I'd look at Islam, as well; could be they're not mutually exclusive. I dread to think of how limited my diet would become... but faced with an ensured eternity in hell ¯\(ツ)/¯
  
  2

What is the simplest proof that P=NP?

Waht is the simplest complete unified model of physics?

How do I make you grant me unlimited wishes?

30

Monkey's paw moment: Simply wish for unlimited wishes

15
- Wish granted! Bam, you can now wish anything, as many times as you want, and it won't be any different!
  
  7
Maybe add "that can be understood by most experts in the relevant field of study living today" to those questions, cause you might get something incomprehensible in the response.

9
- My first thought for the first one is that a malicious devil will just reply that n=1.
  
  5
"Satan has stopped responding. Would you like to force close?"

4

What's the catch?
So you'll just answer ANY three questions I have truthfully?
Wait... Did those first two count?

22

Are you the devil?

Really?

You?

19

Will you please fuck off and take the Trump voters with you?

16

What two questions could I ask you that would provide me with the best possible benefit in a way I would be happy with
(And 3) those questions

16

Can I really ask 3 whole questions? Oh ... two now? Fuck!! goddam. Ok, ummm... gotta be something real important, something impactful... Should I invest in Tesla?

15

I should have just asked who has the hottest content on OnlyFans. At least I would have got something for my money.

7

Lotto Numbers, Lotto Numbers, and, is God a jerk?

I feel like listening to the devil bitch about God for a few hours would be therapeutic.

13

Why is your father such a childish fuckwit?

Why does he let you act equally/more powerful?

Can I have an Audi RS6 Avant with unlimited fuel and tyres?

12

I feel like the answer to the third question would be the pendantic, "you sure can!" answer.

18

Not sure what devil means here, but I suppose it doesn’t really matter which kind of devil it is exactly. It’s probably going to be very unhelpful or actively malicious on concrete or practical stuff anyway.

Would just ask stuff about them. How’d they come to be? Are there more of you? Are you limited to this planet, or does your influence extend beyond? Stuff like that.

9

is squirt pee?
is squirt pee?
is squirt pee?

9

At your core you know the answer to that question, and you are ok with it.

5

"No thank you, you're smarter than I am and don't have my best interests in mind."

8

I'd ask why at least.

2

Why are you offering this?
Yo what's the deal with UFOs?
Preferred hot dog recipe

8

Since it's impossible to determine whether any given answer is true or not, the logical course of action is to only ask question with observably objective answers. Examples:

What are the next lottery numbers?
Will it rain tomorrow?
Where was the exact location of Troy during the Greek war?

Things like that.

8

1 67 8 10 5 (doesn't specify where)

Yes (doesn't specify where)

Gives you exact coordinates to a town called Troy in the US that existed during the Greek civil war of the 1950s
7
Can't help you with the first two, but the third is Wilusa, and the problem is more with the when than where.

Homer fucked up and combined the Mycenaean conquest of Anatolia in the 14th century BCE (the catalog of ships and Helen parts) with the sea peoples retaking the city from the Hittites in the early 12th century BCE after the Hittites took it (presumably in their pursuit of Piyama-Radu) and Tudhaliya IV re-installed their own loyal representative in the late 13th century.

This ended up completely messing up Greek timelines, btw, with them thinking the Argonauts (the loose tales of the sea peoples period) was before the Trojan War (it straddled the 12th century capture of Troy but was well after the Mycenaeans), or how Perseus is his own grandfather depending on the lineage being followed.

1

As is, the post doesn't specify whether the devil will answer truthfully or not. So, I suppose it's safe to say he'll just be a dick

Which place in hell would my soul end up if I died right now?
Can I take your place after I die?
Which religion is your favorite?

7

So many people assuming The Devil would answer honestly.

7

Why would he lie?

1

Permanently Deleted

7

How'd you get in my house?
Would you please leave?
Who the fuck was that?

6

"Are you really the devil?" following up with "Really?", and "You?".

3
- "I hope this has been enlightening for you."
  
  "But I must-"
  
  "Thank you, come again."
  
  "But-"
  
  "Thank you, come again."
  
  1

TANSTAFL. What's the price?

6

What's TAnStafl? And there is no price

4
- TANSTAAFL= There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.
  
  4

What is your name?

What is your quest?

What is your favorite color?

5

What's the deal with the fiddle?

5

The devil went down to Georgia and fiddled up a little kid.

Let's just say that theatre renditions willfully misconstrue the concept.

1
- By most accounts the devil is a lot of talk and very little (physical) action. If anything he fiddled someone else to diddle a little kiddle.
  
  I grew up partially in the south, and the devil tales from there told a story of people constantly getting over on him in the forms of bets and contests, the devil doing a monkeys paw type wish/curse, and it being turned around by the receiver of the curse/wish to ultimately being a good thing. Like a very awkward super hero whose power is to grant wishes, but has to lose to that person in some way first.
  
  2

I'd probably squander these questions because if it's the Christian devil, I'm not sure whether or not to trust him or not.

What's my name?
What's your name?
Did you know I'm asking these questions because I don't know whether or not to believe you?

4

"Your name is Joshua"

"That's not my name. My name is Sam!"

"Sam is the name that your parents gave you, but it's not the name that God gave you"

"..."

"Anyway my real name is Larry"

1

How do you cure aging, next years loto numbers, so, how is it in hell is it as bad as they say?

4

Curing aging will make it worse.

1
- No because you cured it. That can't be that hard to get 😁
  
  1

I wouldn't mess with it, he can only lie anyway. Any knowledge you gained would only turn around and bite you, "monkey's paw" style.

4

What are the winning numbers for the next big lottery?
What companies should I Invest a big portion of winnings into to become the richest person in the world?
What are the names of the specific people I will need to target to either befriend/influence/kill and, which do I need to befriend/influence/kill to take control of the planet?

4

Noping the hell out of that situation. Hehe get it?

3

Will I win my next roulette spin? When will I die? Is time travel possible?

2

No, in the past, yes.

Next!

4
- Ok I'll bet small on my next spin then I'll bet my life savings since I have an increased chance of winning(if you lose your last 50/50 you are more likely to win the next one)
  
  1

Why does the universe or anything exist at all?

How will the universe end?

How did anything began existing?

2

If I can hold off then yeah like some others I would want to wait for a record breaking lottery and then get the numbers for the non record breaking one and then tell me how a technology that would be most beneficial for the planet while supplying mankind with all the energy it wants and I would sit on the last question.

2

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2

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1

My questions are conditional, so if 1 is no, no more questions, and so on.

Wanna fuck?
Round 2?
Round 3?

0

I wouldn't have any questions, just immediate concern.

I'd start looking for the nearest mental health facility and check myself in due to having visual and auditory hallucinations.

There is no devil.

-1

Interesting, as an atheist I think the same way too, there is a greater probability that you are insane that there is for a Personal God existing, but I am not sure my attitude is the best, I mean, even if there was a real God and he came before me, I would count myself insane. i.e., Nothing can trump this argument if you believe in this, sounds a bit close minded to me, I don't know what the right way is either.

1
Seems like in that situation the first question to ask is if the devil is real

1

How do I know it's the devil OP? Couldn't it be God or some other entity? How would I know?

-2

Just check if he wears Prada!

2
Well it looks and sounds like the stereotypical devil. But you're right, maybe it's not actually.

1