What's the funniest mishearing of song lyrics you've had?

No dogs orgasm in the classroom

Another Brick in the Wall (part 2)

Blinded By the Light

Roll up like a douche Rev up like a deuce

If you want a big list of these check out https://www.kissthisguy.com/

Here's one from there

Like a virgin touched for the thirty-first time. Artist: Madonna Song: Like a Virgin Real Lyric: Like a virgin touched for the very first time.

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZAS

"'Scuse me while I kiss this guy..."

I remember the subtitles for Smash Mouth - Walking on the Sun said "It's like kitty fat, it retracts before impact" which was nuts, I had the CD, and it was "any fad". They didn't use to vet subtitles on MTV. There were orders, but that's all I remember.

Selena Gomez - Good For You - "I'm 14 carats. I'm 14 carets I'm farting carrots. I'm farting carrots."

Had a friend who's little bro thought "Liberate my madness" from Liberate by Slipknot was "Never eat bananas".

If you like peeing on koalas and getting caught in the rain

José Feliciano - Feliz Navidad.

Sounds like he is saying 'release mum and dad.' interlace with him singing 'I want to wish you a merry christmas'

I was in stitches at the dinner table when I heard it. Trying to tell my brother while crying and hyperventilating with laughter made it even better.

It's in our nature to destroy ourselves

It's in our nature to kill ourselves

It's in our nature to kill each other

It's in our nature to kill, kill, kill

That's the actual lyrics of Blood Brothers from Papa Roach, some people hear "Human Nature" instead of our nature, which is still the same meaning. However I once read someone misshearing of that lyrics and I can never unheard it, this is what I hear now (and so will you if you read):

Send the ninjas to destroy ourselves

Send the ninjas to kill ourselves

Send the ninjas to kill each other

Send the ninjas to kill, kill, kill

Who, from time to time, has not been revved up like a douche?

Back nearly 20 years ago Disney California Adventure (Anaheim, Cali) had this interactive exhibit where you did various things in line with the Disney animated kids movies. One was playing the Seven Dwarfs "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go..."

In a little alcove in front of a group of friends was another group of cute mid-teen little Latino girls. They were dressed somewhat provocatively for the average Disney guest and all were wearing bold makeup, (not judging, but they stood out). The typical Spanish accent was prevalent with the silent "h". Their innocent rendition as they sang along was hilarious. Happy as they could be they were singing, "I hoe, I hoe, it's off to work we go..."

Head Automatica - I Shot William H. Macy

What my friends and I heard when the album dropped: "Yeah, yeah... I put a sausage in your little hand!"

What the actual line says: "Yeah yeah, I'll put assassins in your little head."

Although my all-time favorite is and will forever be:

"Excuse me, while I kiss this guy" - Jimmy Hendrix

"Blank Space" by Taylor Swift

Got a long list of ex-lovers

"Lonely Starbucks lovers"

"Hey now, you're a rockstar, get laaaiid!"

Oh, it's actually get PAID.

Uptown funky butt

Hamster. A dentist!

Who'll stop Lorraine?

I thought it was about a lady who fell down a hill.

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Casserole, casserole, on the wall.

I want to break trees

Crimean River

Brimful of Asha by Cornershop.

The title and the lyric are both "brimful of Asha", which has a double meaning. In the singer's native language 'Asha' means hope, and is also the name of an iconic Bollywood singer/dancer.

What I heard was "grim poodle basher". Obviously it wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out the actual words just by listening harder.

I wish I didn't have to pee be so bad.

-blink 182 - Wendy Clear

and the most prominent

I wore cologne walk alone to get the feeling right

-blink 182 - What's My Age Again.

Though sometimes when Tom and Mark performs live, they butchered some lines for some dumb jokes lol.

Baking Carrot Biscuits != Taking Care of Business

She's got electric boobs... Something something... B-b-b-benny and the jetsssss

The ultimate misheard lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUAaHkGpJy8&t=32

I just can't understand 90% of lyrics.

Working with guys who's 1st language isn't English singing "Take me to Monkey Town", instead of "Take me to Funky Town."

"Carry a laser" - Mr. Mister

The Toadies "Possum Kingdom"

I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I'll show you my dark secret dashiki

I had a friend in grade school that argued with me about the lyrics to Kenny Rodgers The Gambler. He was loudly and angrily certain the song said "You gotta know how to hold 'em" and would NOT hear my suggestion that it is really "when to hold 'em".

The next day he quietly told me I was right.

There be a hot tub in the town of Berlin .

Twenty years ago, Buffalo, NY. The Fat of the Land by Prodigy was still huge. A dancer in a strip club thought "Smack my Bitch Up" was "Snap my Picture". True story.

Suffragette City:

"The smell of fat chicks just puts a smile on my face"

Simon & Garfunkel; Mrs. Robinson

Jesus loves you more than you will know

=

She’s a slut more than you could know—whoa, who, whoa!

My aunt once told me when one of my cousins was like 4 or 5, he was singing along to Band on the Run, but saying "Hand on the rug"

What have I become my Swedish friend?

Billy Joel - She's Always a Woman

She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me == a weasel-woman to me

From high school until two or three weeks ago, I thought the lyrics for Limp Bizkit's "Just Like This" were concerned about John Goodman's weight.

"...and we make sure that John Goodman beats fat"

The song randomly popped into my head a few weeks ago, and I was like "wait, that can't be right". So I looked up the correct lyrics which are "And we made sure that John kept them beats phat"

Killswitch Engage - My Curse

This is my curse

This is my purse

I was driving one day, in the early 1990s, singing along with Elton John, "love I feel it in my hands, I can tell by the things I could do with another man.." as I had since I was a little kid, when I suddenly realized that probably wasn't what he was saying. It still sounds like that is what he is saying.

I see quite a lot of Elton John in these answers, maybe he just didn't enunciate.

My sister-in-law thought the chorus of Metallica's Battery was "backdoor raid". Now I can't unhear it.

I also thought in Live and Let Die Paul sang, "give an Alabama yell" instead of "give the other feller hell."

I wanna be your big Suburban.

One of the earliest websites I remember was like scuse me while I miss this guy dot com and it was people sharing what you're looking for. Check the way back machine

"living like a lover with a red iPhone" - Pour some sugar on me, 1987

The Rhythm of the Night by Corona is this a Reebok or a Nike

Bring me a pile of love!

My wife’s childhood:

“My anus can’t take it I’m addicted to love”.

Robert Palmer.

Mine is when I sing, and I can’t remember what I say, but something like “kissing your neck, back, n’dem titties” to Labrinths Still Don’t Know My Name. Although I’m still fairly certain those lyrics to be correct 👍

There's a bathroom on the right.

Not me personally, but I worked with a guy that always thought Secret Agent Man was Secret Asian Man.

Call Me Maybe / Carly Rae Jepsen

You took your time with the call
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all
But still, you're in my way
I beg and borrow and steal
Swear to Satan it's real At first sight, and it's real
I didn't know I would feel it
But it's in my way

Yep. Knew it was wrong, but that's what I heard. TIL what the actual lyrics are.