those damn vegans!

I'm not vegan because I give a fuck about animals. I'm vegan because I hate plants.

Green dudes have had it too good for too long.

92

They are out there lording their massive advantage in cumulative biomass over us. Fucking plants. I can’t wait to eat some tomorrow.

19
As pointed out above, if you hate plants, you should eat as much meat as possible. Every kilo of meat represents at least ten kilos of plants eaten by the animal.

14
- I don't want another animal taking my Freudian pleasure. The erotic joy of voring a verdant, fleshy succulent. Feeling the crunching snap of brutality as an innocent plant is ground between my glistering molars. The swallow; the mulched, peppery bolus peristalted down a wet, hungry, pulsing oesophegus. The conversion of what was once a marvel of evolution, a being that could harness the power of a living star, into fodder for my next bowel movement. From stoma to stoma.
  
  This is not some cool, by-the-numbers optimisation. This is raw, visceral, hungry cruelty.
  
  The old adage can be given greater, poetic specificity. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And it is a salad.
  
  10
Fuck plants, all my homies hate plants!

4
Me playing remnant

2

Cool Fact: Vegans consume a total of less plants than omnivores. Animals eat plants, so if you eat them, you're eating an animal plus everything it ate to grow up.

74

I absolutely agree, eating meat should count as eating at least one salad too.

37
- Take that, doctor.
  
  14
Animals on average convert about 10% of the mass they eat into their own body mass.

20
- So when a lion dies and turns to grass, the antilopes only get back 10% of the grass they ate to make meat for the lion.
  
  Circle of life, my ass. More like a trickle down pyramid scheme.
  
  13
Only a matter of time before plant-based alternatives fully take over from meat. Meat farming is not sustainable, as you mention all the land used to farm food for animals could be used to just farm more food for us directly.

We just have to get rid of the stigma around plant-based "meat".

7
- At this point it isn't so much the stigma as it is the price for a lot of us. If it was the same or cheaper than regular meat prices in my area I would buy it instead.
  
  7
It is worth mentioning that the types of plants that people and animals eat are different. Humans can't digest cellulose and hemicellulose where herbivores can.

5
- Yeah, we can't really eat grass, but thinking that most cattle nowadays actually graze is... inaccurate, to put it mildly.
  
  Factory-farmed cattle are almost always fed grain made of corn and soy, both of which are completely fine for humans to eat, in case someone was unaware.
  
  Producing 1kg of beef takes several kilos of feed.
  
  16
- Yeah, instead of using that land to grow monocultured grass, we could use it to grow plants we do eat. It's not like we would keep growing grass there and say "Darn! We can't eat this grass!", we wouldn't need to plant plants we don't eat in the first place.
  
  5
- I'd agree if there would ba a "could" in there or something. The reality is that a lot of soy (that humans can digest) is fed to animals...
  
  4
This seems like a dubious line of reasoning. It's like making the claim that if you eat moss your net water consumption is lower than if you eat the leaves off an oak tree because of all the water it takes to grow. I mean I guess it's sort of true but it's also sorta weird. The argument is basically eat closer to the bottom of the food chain and the younger the better, but I don't think you're going to be happy if people eat more puppies and veal...

-1
- So it's about efficiency. A given organism is going to have a particular conversion ratio in terms of how much mass/calories/nutrients whatever you're measuring it has to take in to increase it's own content an equivalent amount.
  
  Since the vast quantity of food consumed by animals goes into energy rather than body mass they're very inefficient. Particularly larger creatures like cows which "waste" (obviously not from the cow's perspective) that energy breathing, moving, pumping blood, digesting, feeling and so on.
  
  Infants are probably less efficient, as pregnancy is very stressful biologically.
  
  3
Except 95% of what an animal eats ends up back in the soil as manure.

-3
- Hi, what is it like to be stupid? I really would like your expert opinion on this
  
  -1

Plants make oxygen, animals make poop
If the vegans win then we'll no oxygen to breathe, only poop

This is the future vegans want

55

I'd agree with you, that also means more farts. And farts are funny. Do you hate comedy?

27
- I've been acclimatizing to a fart-only lifestyle by micro dosing on e-girl farts I buy online.
  
  80% of my oxygen and 30% of my calories I get from farts now.
  
  18
- Comedy means laugh and laugh means consuming more air . Do you wanna help vegans win ?
  
  5

That's it, now I'm gonna go eat twice as many legumes as I usually eat just because of this post!

32

You'll never stop us, mwahahahaha!

21

Dammit, who ate the fucking forest again?!

18

vegan btw

16

Based and B12-pilled

10
- You don't need B12 pills, you just need to touch grass (with your tongue)
  
  7

No!

Surrender the plants

15

W̷E̵ ̵A̷R̴E̶ ̴V̸E̶G̷A̴N̴.̴ ̷B̴A̵N̴E̷ ̶O̸F̵ ̸N̷A̵T̵U̵R̵E̸.̴ ̸D̶E̷V̸O̷U̵R̸E̸R̵ ̷O̷F̷ ̸W̶O̵R̷L̷D̷S̶.̷

11

It's funny, but obligatory cattle rearing requires more crop fields to sustain than simply eating the crops ourselves.

6

Honestly we can't stop vegans. What we need to do is imprison in a giant chamber that artificially grows grass

5

Yes, sounds awesome! And let's embed that chamber in a massive near-vacuum, so if you try to leave it, you suffocate. Also, it's a giant, spinning blob in the middle of nowhere, with a gravity center at its core so you physically can't even get away from it without a massive propulsion system and then what - go to the next random blob that offers nothing? Haha, I like your idea!

1

Goddamit vegans

5

NEMATODES!!!!!!

5

Reminder to keep eating lamb and cows because they want to eat all the grass on the planet leaving only desert behind.

4

"I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

"Don't plants cast shadows?"

3

Sigh, I find this too sad to be funny

3

My uncle has a forest that he really loves.

3