11个月前

These are the kind of social situations I have nightmares about

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In highschool I worked at a pharmacy. 30-something man looks lost so I ask him if I can help him find something. He says diapers and I assume he's a father so I stupidly say "the adult ones are right down there but you don't need those ha ha, the baby diapers are down aisle 1"
You can guess the rest of the story...
- There is a funny columnist named Dave Barry who has a list of the things I took him 50 years to learn.
  One is that, unless you see the baby crowning, never mention that a woman may be pregnant.
  I think this falls into a similar category.
  
  I 100% agree so it makes this story even better.
  A friend and his wife were at a social event and his wife was very early in pregnancy, they had only told their parents at this point. A 70-something year old man in a suit walks up to them out of the blue and says congratulations. They are taken aback because they didn't even consider him referring to the pregnancy. He goes on to say he is a retired obstetrician and because of years of experience can just tell.
  Ballsy move by the doc but he sure did know his stuff.
  
  I love me some Dave Barry. Don't follow the Herald but his books were great.
  
  unless you see the baby crowning, never mention that a woman may be pregnant.
  Yeah I've heard that one before, but there's a difference between overweight and pregnant, it's very obvious. You'd have to be a real idiot to mistake fat with pregnant.
  Overweight people do not put all their weight on their stomach, it gets distributed around the limbs and the neck and the upper torso as well.
- Could have simply been looking after an elderly parent.
  
  That or recovering from a surgery.
  There’s plenty of reasons someone might need adult diapers without being old. Not that it’s any less embarrassing for some people either way.
  
  He was very embarrassed but it very well could have not been for him personally. Either way it was a dumbass thing to say!
- Actually I can't figure it out. Would you please finish your story?
  
  The customer needed the adult diapers.
  Not the OP, but I've been that person before. I'll leave it up to your imagination what position I was in.
  I'll admit I am somewhat curious how it all played out though.
  
  He was very embarrassed and went for the adult diapers. My 17 year old gangly, awkward self didn't help the situation at all either.
- Once I had food poisoning so bad that my spouse got adult diapers for me, so I could try to sleep. In sickness and in health!
  
  We debated diapers for after my partner's colonoscopy, because we weren't sure what to expect. We decided against them, but he did sit on a puppy pee pad the rest of the day.

The way out is easy: "oh god, sorry to hear it, I'd rather have the person too". I don't think I'm a social genius.
- I also choose this lady's dead husband.
- well it depends on the person... just saying...

And then a very charismatic person behind her asks "How much do you want the person", while twirling their mustache.

Are there not standard questions the teller is supposed to ask when they're handed a check this large?
- How bloody is this money?
  Are you single?
  
  Need help burying the body?

Sometimes you trip into other people's bad days. OP didn't say anything wrong.
- IIRC bank tellers are supposed to talk about stuff like this to help catch fraud and extortion. If she sees a huge sum of money, it's her job to strike up conversation about it.
  
  WHY DID YOU REDEEM ITTTT!!! MAAAAM!
  
  "Oh wow, the crime must be going really well, eh?"

Me, had I been the teller...
- Do it a different way or there won't be a cheque dude

Better than saying, "I'd kill for one of these."
- "I'll kill again for one of these"

"For what it's worth, they probably weren't all that great."
Problem fixed.

A while back I broke up after a long term committed relationship, and part of the process involved splitting our finances. I went to the bank to close our account, and it being around November, the teller innocently asked, "Do you have any plans for the holidays?"
I deadpan replied, "Well, I'm closing out a joint checking account, so what do you think?"
The teller: O___O "I am so sorry!"
Fortunately I was able to laugh about it and tell them it was okay.
Joke's on them, though, because I wound up getting blackout drunk on Johnny Walker Black with a real beard mall Santa that Christmas and saying things about my ex that I should not have said.
- Black Label is the best thing to blackout from.
- I want to know more about your time with Santa. That night sounds epic tbh
  
  Summed up very briefly:

This is why when you work in customer-facing positions in any capacity, you NEVER comment on their purchases, their choices, their business, what they are buying, if you've seen them before, etc. Just mouth-shut, smile and get them through.

I also choose your dead person.
- Classic

"I'm a person. Wanna trade?"

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