Distros bad

Arch user should be an aeropress: people can't seem to shut the hell up about how great it supposedly is

Ok, what OS do I need?

MacOS is Starbucks.

Torvalds eating raw coffee beans straight from the can

i drink instant coffee because i just dont care anymore.

chromebook user

RedHat: Any of these, but you're paying a barista to make it.

I feel under represented

Hannah Montana Linux: Red Bull

All I’m getting from this is that arch is easier than I expected and will give me a much better end result than the distros I’m used to.

As an Arch user who only makes pour-over coffee, I feel deeply attacked

all of these are valid options for making coffe.

but what distro is this?

I'm really sad there isn't a French press on here. That's what I use and I was hoping to discover what my coffee distro is :-(

Couldn't be more wrong for me, lol

Also, I feel like instant coffee should be represented - it's one of the most common preparation methods and it's easy to dunk on.

GNU Guix, and NixOS, respectively

Y'all acting like 10 years is a long time... I expect that to be the minimum out of any capital expense for a "durable" good.

Fedora user made this...

Which distro uses a French press?

Debian user here. This is scary accurate.

Fedora should be French press but yeah lol

I use Ubuntu and that is literally the coffee machine I use... Except I don't use the actual cups, I'm basically only using it as a source of hot water, and instead I use different cups that are reusable, and just are there to hold the coffee grounds. And similarly, I got flathub on Ubuntu, installed shit to get appimages working, and accidentally uninstalled gnome at one point, which took me an hour to fix mostly because it just stopped at a terminal I couldn't input anything on, so I had to figure out that I could open up a new one that would actually let me log in and reinstall gnome.

Slackware: Start by planting your own coffee plants...

French press? ? ? ❓

If you've used an espresso machine you will know that every single small change, even new fresh beans, fucks up the setup and you have to dial everything again, so I think it fits better with another one. I use arch btw.

What distro would a moka pot be?

I feel like arch is the espresso machine and Gentoo is a pile of espresso machine parts.

Turkish coffee pot: works with literally any source of heat if you know what you're doing.

NetBSD.

Coffee is tasty, so is tea, but if I want caffeine, I'll just snort a few bumps of pure stuff. It was only like $30 for a kg.

Guess my distro.

If I make cold brew for 2 weeks at a time with a bucket and a fish pump what distro am I?

Mint linux is a cup of tea.

Slackware is the 50 year old percolator in the break room of the DMV.

Temple OS - fistfuls of caffeine pills.

I do it the Arch way. I don't use Arch, btw

In the army, when on sentry - no light, no noise, no fire - we'd open the pack of instant, swish it around with a mouthful of water, swallow through the regret. Not an LFS user, though.

Damn, got me. Debian user, been using a basic Cuisinart bean to cup for years.

The heating element broke in my original machine earlier this year. Bought a used one of the exact same model with a broken water reservoir cover and carafe lid then transplanted those parts from my old machine.

Plan to use Debian unless it stops being developed or I die. Plan to use my Thinkpad until it dies. Also plan to use that same model of bean to cup machine unless I can't find replacements when they inevitably die.

It does not recommend a coffee prep method for Tumbleweed and I really need some caffeine. Please help. Quick.

I use an aeropress and Silverblue. Seem right?

I hate coffee, I drink tea, and I use Ubuntu.

What now?

What's Windows? Instant coffee with cuddled cream

Does this work the other way? Can I pick a disto based on my preferred method? I mostly drip brew, using the aeropress occasionally, but dream about having a fancy espresso setup.

What if I pour the grounds and water directly into the cup and just drink around them?

I don't drink coffee.... From what I can tell from this thread, I should be Amish

I'm to lazy to do my homework. Can anyone explain what's wrong with Ubuntu?

God damnit... Btw

RHEL is the lukewarm but effective coffee provided by your boss from the economic but agreeable coffee shop chain.

I dont drink coffeee... What distro am I?

AeroPress Pop!_OS gang, check in!

so what's the plunger/French press?

No French press?

Hold on, my coffee is still compiling from source. Ive been messing with funtoo and its ironically very fun.

Mostly brew mine with the chemex, and the occasional moka pot. But I've been running Pop os

This meme is fake! Espresso only takes 15 minutes from start to end! At least, if you cut out preheating the machine...

cries

I mostly drink instant coffee. I'm also a dirty Windows user who mainly uses WSL (with the Ubuntu distro on that) for my Linux needs.

Great meme! Fedora user with that exact pourover! I dont love that pourover though, but my french press and my glass hario switch broke a year ago. Havent gotten to replacing them, so I just keep making coffee this way. My grinder needs cleaning and service, too. This is where I reveal I'm not on Fedora, but rather Nobara.

Where is the french press?

I buy canned coffee... What distro is that?

Windows user: a stovetop percolator because they've had it forever and the coffee it makes is perfectly fine!

(Narrator voice: it's not perfectly fine, the coffee is bitter and burned).

Gentoo is misrepresented. It is custom-built manufacturing line that massproduces coffee, blackjack and hookers.

Me and my 1st generation i7 running Debian feel attacked.

Been using my Bialetti Moka Express... for 10+ years... I use Debian btw...

I run Debian as my daily driver on 10-year old hardware. This tracks.

what distro would a sixpack of energy drinks be? what distro would a cup of yerba mate be?

As both an Arch and Ubuntu user who drinks coffee from an aeropress, tea from an infuser, and jenkem from a old crusty sock under my bed, I feel attacked

I prefer water

As a person who has only used ubuntu, why does it get so much crap?

I make overnight coldbrew in a mason jar. What distro is that?

I'm a Fedora user, but it I do the pour over method as seen by the Arch (btw) user.

and NixOS would be?

Arch to Debian. How in the fuck is this 100℅ accurate!? Consider me baffled.

So if I'm using one of those single cup keurig-like machines that don't actually use cups, I'm a Mint user?

Checks out for me. Love me some arch and love my pour over coffee maker. Use both everyday btw.

linux mint?

The Debian one should be a French press. Old and reliable.

Does not check out. My espresso machine is the mirror image of the one in this meme but I use Fedora.

My espresso machine runs Ubuntu. 🎤🫳

Too short of a list. Needs to be expanded.

I can think about cold brew, italian coffee maker and traditional moroccan style (unfit for those weak of heart).

I think Arch. Linux would make sense more as one of those fancy setups you’re always seeing on YouTube. The ones with the awesome ports, and the calming effect. I just started using zorin, and it’s more like one of those top of the line machines that can start the coffee automatically in the morning lol.

As someone who's never drank coffee (yes, really), what distro should I use?

I currently daily-drive Manjaro (Plasma) with Linux Mint 20.3 (Cinnamon) installed as a trusty backup.

What distro would a 3 in 1 packet be?

What about people who have an automatic espresso machine? Grinds the beans then Tampa and brews all with one button? Gotta make sure the settings are perfect. A mix on 2 and 5 I guess.

What if you have all of them (minus pods)?

Ubuntu: also now coffee is replaced by soy milk and rat poop. Rejoice.

Arch user here, pour-over coffee is freaking good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4irHNuIx4w

People wtf, this is not stopping to spam my comments.

I get it, you like Coffee!

arch user should be "is all you need so let me tell you about it for five hours straight"

Somewhat accurate. I used my last coffee machine for 10ish years, but my grandma used it another 10 before

According to this I use Debian but my lack of audio, menu bar, and file browser says otherwise

But I use a french press...

Do me - I use the following methods based on current laziness factor:

1. French Press + grinder
2. Aeropress + grinder
3. super automatic thing with built in grinder

I currently use EndeavourOS / Arch mainly

rocky linux: handmade preconfigured but changeable

The programmable coffee drum roaster is NixOS

Permanently Deleted

Burning your hands once and start using Manjaro…

And the cold-brew cask i use for hot coffee, let it there for a day?

Btw, i use Artix & Void.

I use a mokapot, but I also run fedora on my laptop. What does that make me?

This needs a coffee siphon as well, might even fit gentoo better than the espresso maker. harder to set up, takes longer but it's different from what everyone else is using ;) great coffee, too

Ubuntu User with a Gentoo Coffee Machine

Every linux distro are best except ubuntu & manjaro
CHANGE MY MIND

Shit, you got me, I have a nespresso machine and use kubuntu

What would a percolator represent here? IE Something like this

I have a Keurig because I specifically do not drink coffee. I get apple cider, hot cocoa, teas, etc.

As for Linux I use Slack.