Can I shoot myself instead?

A person, easily. Worst case the authorities are involved and they're gone. Best case… well, let's not go there.

Least horny tumblr user
- I didn't talk about the best case…
I get that the question is an either/or, but nobody’s acknowledging the likelihood of a 1000 cockroaches being in the attic because of a person.
Just not a living one.
So, maybe this one of those paradox thingys?
- No, it's before and after.

Person. It’s easier to seal up the hole they are getting in through.

And people can be reasoned with. It's likely just someone seeking shelter. I've been there in the past when I was homeless.
- you were living in someone's attic?

Person, definitely. I can call the cops on a person, and keep my distance until they respond. 1000 roaches means.... fuck I don't even KNOW what it takes to tackle a roach infestation that big, but it's probably thousands of dollars and dozens of hours of labor.

What’s crazy is 1000 roaches isn’t actually a crazy big infestation
- If you can see 1000 roaches... You basically have roaches for walls...
  Seeing that many is a sign of a massive infestation that will probably get your home condemned.
- Just one roach is enough for me to fumigate, tbh. Grew up on a 3rd world island and never want to deal with one again...
You know what can deal with both situations effectively? Flamethrower.

1000 roaches

Legally speaking, it's a lot easier to kill roaches than a person

I'll take the person. I lived with roaches in the past. Were impossible to get rid of and would keep destroying stuff including electronics. Not to mention the SOUND at night. Those 1000 roaches will also rapidly multiply to be way more.
I'm glad to be out of that place. In the person case I am sure I could either reason with them (If they're living in my attic out if necessity) or have the authorities involved (If they're a danger to me).
- An easier (but more time consuming way) to get rid of roaches is with bait, not spray. Use spray only in areas you absolutely don't want them to touch, because they know it's bad and just avoid it. Use little amounts of bait everywhere else. Then you wait, and wait, and slowly they die and don't come back.
- Just tent the place.

Even though I'm in an apartment and there's no attic, a human. Dead or alive, it'd be about 3,000,000 times quicker to get rid of a single person than pests.

It's easier to get rid of a single person, but murdering a human is a crime in most countries.
- What are they gonna do? Call the attic police?
- You think that, but squatters have a lot of rights which can make it very hard and expensive or even impossible to get rid of them...

My ex-partner and I lived in their grandfather's house for a little while after he passed away. There were places we were not allowed like one storage room and the attic. We would often hear a radio come on in the attic and go off at various times and the occasional loud thump, and most weird was almost like sobbing, but we assumed it must be the old radio plugged in up there. Also every now and then his dad would "need to get into the attic" for no reason. The only access was on the outside of the roof through a trap door that was padlocked. My ex's birth certificate had an discrepancy on it that he had 3 siblings even though he only had 2. His mom said they just made a mistake, but he was 90% sure that his hidden sibling was living in that attic. I used to think it was a running joke, but looking back I think he was at least a little serious and I don't put it past his parents. They were completely insane and I'm glad he hasn't had contact with them in years (we're still friends). So roaches, def, roaches. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

If you are not simple inventing a story for whatever reason you have, you should warn the cops...
- Understandable because this is the Internet, but I do not drink enough to be a successful fiction author. I've just had a very interesting life. I would certainly do that if the house was still standing. They tore it down about ten years ago. This was 19 years ago and like I said I thought it was just an old clock radio with the alarm that would wake you up to radio the old man may have plugged in up there. He was pretty senile before he went. He kept his mail in the freezer. He had a tendency to purchase repeat items he didn't need like three of the same retro stereo or 20 cans of coffee each week. My ex and I had spent a couple weeks homeless so I wasn't super tuned in and I thought he was messing with me. We never really had enough evidence to prove anybody actually lived up there. I mean the place was infested with rats and mice so that could have accounted for the noises and I figured they were just slowly taking the valuables out of the place. We didn't stick around for more than a couple of weeks before his crazy mom ran us off. I just wrote it off as the overactive imagination of two people who were struggling and under a lot of pressure.
wtf.
- Yeah they were kinda like some "Nothing but Trouble" kind of people if you know the movie. I'm glad he got away from them.
This is why the comments are always better than the posts

Only 1000 roaches? That's a lot lower than what I would actually expect to find.

1000, that you can see.

A person, no hesitation

Probably just an easier to deal with situation
- You're under the guise that somebody's going to actually get picked up for trespassing in your house and is going to end up seeing some possible jail time so that you won't have to worry about them but if they're actually having a mental health issue the local police departments will usually just cut them loose pretty quickly so they'll be back out on the street and probably back in your attic befor the end of the day....
- Yup. Rather deal with one than a thousand.

I'm from Buenos Aires and i say kill them all.

- Starship Troopers reference

"finding" 1 person is probably 1 person total

"Finding" 1000 roaches? Buckle up

I'd definitely have roaches over termites.

My first choice was find a person living there...but what kind of person would I find? People come in many varieties, whereas roaches are predictable. The kind of person that would break in to live in your attic might not be the best kind...eh I'll still take my chances.

The kind of person to break into your attic is honestly likely just someone looking for shelter. Statistically there's more drifters and squatters than dangerous people

I live in an attic myself, so ... define "find"?

100% a person. Someone would be shot alright, it won't be me and that'll be easier to deal with than the roaches. A phone call to the coroner and $5 worth of peroxide and bleach (along with maybe $10 of 5.56 or $5 of 9mm) is much easier than having to book a hotel that takes cats, move me and my cats, and pay a guy to poison my house, and trash or move all food outside the fridge (I assume, because poison), and the catbox, etc. And it's not just the 1000, if there's 1000 visible, there's way more.

Yes, because the trama of killing another human being is definitely fine and something you just get over with.
Also why are we assuming that the attic person is aggressive? Maybe they just need a place to stay.
- Eh idk, of course this is one of those "you'll never know until you're in the situation" things but idt I'd have that much trauma for protecting my life as need be especially in my own home. I mean, I'm frankly just as likely to have trauma from having my space invaded without my knowledge or consent as I am to have it from dealing with said situation tbh. He's the one who decided to thrust this situation on both of us, I blame him.
  Breaking into someone's house and living there without their consent is aggressive. You're only saying that because I'm a man clearly capable of defending myself, what if some guy was sleeping in your mom or daughter's attic? Would it creep you out to know they have complete access to your family members while they are unconscious every night? You'd be fine with that, you'd say "well how do you know he wants to molest you in your sleep, maybe he just needs a place to stay?" And why does he have the right to take my house, the place I pay for where I'm supposed to be able to feel safe, and decide it is his now? What gives him the right, necessity? Why does it need to be my attic, aren't there people like you who are comfortable with strangers that would kindly open their doors for him?
If someone is living in your attic you don't think they have already figured out what you are armed with and are more prepared than you?
I'd take the person over the roaches too, but a person living in your attic has a knowledge advantage AND knows where you keep your weapons.
- My attic is a dark, cramped space with no windows and a ton of insulation. What kind of attic do you have where someone living up there can see and hear everything that happens in the main living space?
  Or rather, what have you done to think that someone with a complete dossier on you has resorted to occupying your attic in order to get the jump on you?
  These days if you find someone living in your attic then it's most likely a drifter looking for shelter. Better to find a man down on his luck than a large colony of pests.
- Probably not, if they're living in the attic they are still a threat, but likely not an economically sound threat. I probably have the advantage in that regard, they'd need like 7k in gear and some training to be better prepared. They'll also never have access to the safe, nor the one on me, they'll have to bring their own.
  If they're just in there hiding Richard Ramirez style, then it doesn't matter who is better armed, it is time to roll them dice. Frankly it's always a dice roll, I've seen a literal parishioner with a handgun take out a better armed dude with a 45yd (estimate) shot because the better armed mass shooter wasn't as good of a shot and hadn't learned his weapon properly (thankfully). What you carry matters less than getting shots on medically significant parts of your target quickly, you want to hit first and hit an area that is important, regardless of caliber, you could beat a guy with a .50cal with a .22lr, if he misses and you don't. Of course, that said, you have a higher liklihood of one of those bullets hitting a medically significant target the bigger it is and the wound channels will be different, and depending on armor which the guy in the attic likely has none of you may need the small fast bois to punch through it, but I'd take my chances.
  The real issue is he has the high ground and a choke point, so if he did bring a gun that'd present the most problems. Of course, he's gotta come out sometime, and then it becomes my choke point. I suppose the real question becomes how did I discover he was there? Did I see him? Hear him banging around? Were the bangs as such that I'd go investigate myself or would I potentially involve law enforcement? All that makes a difference in the scenario. If I walk into my attic and theres just a guy up there who has the drop on me that is a kobayashi maru, but if I go up and he has a contact weapon like a bat or knife, I have the distance advantage. If I hear him up there and know it is a person somehow not just like a mouse, the cops are just getting called, I'll outsource. If I hear him and think it may be a mouse and I go to investigate, we're back to "does he have the drop on me or do I have the distance advantage."
  Still, in any case, the guy will be easier to deal with than the roaches. Less time, less money, and maybe he has a gun but maybe not and maybe it doesn't matter if he does.
You'd be the one shot. They're armed and ready to attack. You're naked walking through a hallway.
- But we FOUND them in the attic, so we can’t be naked in a hallway. I’m certainly not going into my attic naked.
- Says you.