1y ago

New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday

www.theonion.com New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Touting the legislation as a common-sense victory for family values, Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) signed a new law Thursday requiring all Florida women to produce three healthy, white sons by the date of their 22nd birthday. “The production of white daughters will not be penalized, but they...

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I've noticed a distinct sharpening of the satire at The Onion since it changed hands.
- I didnt know the onion got new management but seems like its working.
  
  It got bought by a group of super fans who specifically formed a company just to buy it and return it to its former glory. They even plan to bring back ONN!
  Edit: the company the super fans formed is called Global Tetrahedron Corp, which long-time The Onion fans will recognize as the (now formerly) fictional global megacorp featured in countless past articles.
  
  Management has layers. It’s complicated.

I can't tell if the Onion gets their ideas from the stuff DeSantis does or if DeSantis gets his ideas from reading the Onion.

In my opinion, the funniest thing about the phrasing of the headline:
It would just straight up make it illegal to be a woman of color in Florida, which might be the republican goal irl
- Now you're getting it
- No, they're allowed to be of colour. They just need to produce white sons somehow.
- It's technically possible for a woman of color to have white children, due to Punnett square shenanigans. Not likely, but it has happened.
  But there's also the issue of the timeline. Age of consent in Florida is 18, so (assuming no other laws are to be broken) this would require even white women to have an average of six kids in four years. Which is…also improbable.
  
  Indeed, I know someone who looks like she's a mix of black and white. Her parents look black and her brother looks white.

Jesus, I almost ate that onion. For a moment, the headline shocked me, but wasn't that unbelievable... and that, in and of itself, is terrifying
- Thank you for this comment... double checked the sub lmao. This showed up in my feed.
- Yup. Fuck.

Sounds exactly like something they would do.

Don't give the Republicands anyy more ideas. DeSantis probably reads The Onion as a source of inspiration.
On the other hand, The Onion has perfectly summarized GOP ideas on this topic...

Alabama has the same law but they must simultaneously be half-brothers

And the onion is back out ahead of the curve (I hope)

This is so on point and explains their anti-immigration policies perfectly.

As I’m sure pudding fingers will be inspired to make this into an actual law, and as I’m sure he doesn’t know what “ex post facto” means, I look forward to seeing this applied to my over-22-year-old childless sister.
- It took me a minute to figure out who pudding fingers was. There are so many doughy politicians.

Lab grown meat is banned but eating babies is now legal. Florida is crazy.

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