What's your test for people?

My mom was a cleaning lady and I worked in hospital housekeeping for a while. I always wipe down my table and tidy the plates etc. my kids have picked it up just from watching and they always clean their mess when we go out, can’t get them to clean up at home though

But do you even bring your glass back to the bar before you leave?

It's fun to have a friend who's been a waiter for 30 years, he just openly narrates the service and how good/bad they're doing (usually "look at how hard they have to scramble because you assholes came in late")

If they're accepting new tables, you're not late. They can change the time they stop taking tables.
- We have a group that can be a dozen people easily, but sometimes it's like a clown car of people wandering in after we sit down, so they have to drag more tables and more tables in, reorder the tickets, etc. Last time 16.

My wife goes crazy with this, gets every last little thing together. I do some, but not like she does. I'm not sure they want all the straw wappers and shit on top of the pile of places anyway.

Pre bussing be bussin

The definition of bigotry is someone who's behavior is a function of what they know about you. If people change their behavior to treat me better or worse because they learn (for example) that I'm gay then I don't want them at all.

No it's not.
From the Oxford dictionary:
obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction, in particular prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
From the Collins dictionary:
Bigotry is the possession or expression of strong, unreasonable prejudices or opinions.
From vocabulary.com:
A bigot is someone who doesn't tolerate people of different backgrounds or opinions. Someone who tells a racist joke might be labeled a bigot. A bigot can also be someone who refuses to accept other ideas, as in politics.
Ok... so someone finds out you're gay. Figure to themselves you're probably having it rough, with all the LGBTQ+ hate thats going around, and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it, or maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise -> bigots.
- and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it
  That's a bad thing
  If I could trust that this is the reason behind a person's behavior then we wouldn't be having this conversation. But there are so many potentially malicious reasons to be extra sugary sweet to someone different. Plus it's infantalizing to be "treated nicer" like I'm not a kid. I don't want everyone to change their tone I just want to participate and have fun. If political issues were bothering me then I'd go to a political group that centers my lgbt-ness, that's my choice
- Not the guy you're responding to, but...
  maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise
  As a non-straight person, I don't want yesmen either. If I'm being an idiot, I want my friends to tell me nicely that I'm doing the stupid, I don't want them to ignore it because "oh she's gay, I don't want to hurt her feelings".

Just wanted to put in a counter for what a lot of people are saying in here, if you're looking for a "perfect-clone friend" right out the gate then prepare to be lonely as your tests fail... not because they're horrible people, but because they're a different person with different experiences.

The person litters (like @tiramichu@sh.itjust.works suggested)? Probably see's their entire family litter constantly and never gets comments or maybe even once got reprimanded for saying not to litter to an elder. Just ask them not to when they're in your vehicle, take into account their reaction and maybe have a conversation about it? (personal experience, just let me friend know it was lame and he stopped doing it. But now his vehicle is a roaming trashcan so I guess take what you can get)

You can be friends with people who are different or were raised differently than you, it's actually super beneficial! Now if it's a constant argument or it's turned into a negative experience every time and communication isn't working... it might be useful to move on for everyone's sake at that point.

When I was a server I hated when people stacked their own plates. First off, I found it performative. Secondly it messed with my system. Thirdly it usually produced a 20lb pile of dishes covered in queso, half eaten burritos, and guacamole that was impossible to carry.

Okay, fair enough. How about putting eventual food, that has not been eaten, on the top plate (and in general making sure the plate is not completely dirty)
Yeah man. I don't stack anything, not because I don't want to help, but I don't want to mess with your system. Waiting isn't as easy as it seems and I absolutely have no idea how to do it, so I don't want to interfere. I prefer to sit awkwardly and pretend that me leaning back as much as I can to make more space is equally helpful.
This. Heard the same from a waiter friend a while back. Since then, I do nutsack
- Nutsack is preferable.
Huh, me mum was a waitress at one point and taught me to stack for politeness, I didn't realize it was a preference thing. Now I'm not sure what to do.
I'll still keep ordering the queso though, that shit's delicious.
- offer them the plates so they don’t have to reach or move around the table and help them stack them when they’re there… pause your conversations and ensure they spend as little time sorting your dishes as possible, and then both they can get back to what they’re doing and you can continue your conversations in private
  especially true when there are plates, bowls, and cups of all shapes
  exception being it’s okay to pile cutlery on a single plate because that’s always going on the top and if not it’s easy to tip off all at once to restack

What do you do with your shopping cart when you are done? Do you just leave it to fend for itself in the sea of the parking lot? Or do you do the right thing and bring it back inside or to the cart corral.

The REAL REAL sign though? When someone brings a cart from the parking lot into the store to shop with, ultra move.

I like to stay in the chaotic neutral category. I get my cart from the parking lot, but return it exactly where i found it. Even if it was in the middle of the lot. 😝
This has to be in the top 5 most US things.

If it's a self service place, I tend to look around if there is a place to keep the dishes (kinda like SubWay has).
Otherwise, I don't stack. Waiters can have different ways of taking the dishes and those ways are usually based on all the dishes being random-access. I'd rather do nothing, than stack it the wrong way.

You'd fail my test if I learn you have tests for people.

Maybe it's just a matter of phrasing, but the idea that I could be kind to our server all night, tip well, generally hit it out of the park, but be disproportionately judged for failing to do this one small thing because it's your personal test? Sets my social anxiety off enough that if I knew that were on your mind I'd probably just say we're not compatible.

Obviously, keep an eye out for shitty people, and don't put up with bad behaviour, but also judge people as people, wholistically.

It says the word 'test' in the post title, but if it helps I don't think you need to take it so literally.
This isn't necessarily "setting up" specific situations for people, but more like how people respond in normal everyday situations which you might consider to be either red flag or green flag behaviour.
For me, an example is littering. I'm not so sociopathic that I'd create some trash just to test someone, but if trash happens and they throw it on the ground, it's a bad personality indicator.
- Yeah, what you're saying makes sense. I like "bad personality indicator" as an alternative, since it conveys to me it's one of many indicators you might process, maybe not even consciously. I've just had rather negative experiences being "tested" and hearing that world applied to any kind of casual social interaction gets my hackles all the way up.

My ex wife always refused to put her shit in the bin at McD's on the basis that someone was paid to do it.

No. Someone was paid to wipe the table down, not pick up your shit.

No they are paid to keep it all clean, including throwing it way :p
Still ill mannered tho
- If that's the case, then why make the bins available for the public to use?
Nice job getting away from that.
- That was the sole reason given for the divorce.

I mean, you could stack your dishes but still be a rapist or murderer.

Waiters have told me to please not stack the dishes because it messes with their carrying technique.

Yes. If you do it incorrectly then there's food on the bottom of the plates now and they can't shuffle it to their preference anymore.

you want me to work for you, pay for everything, and tip you?

At a time when the tipping options are 18%, 20% or 25%.
you do you, but if im just chilling talking after i eat, it feels like nothing to me - just something to do with my hands that doesnt feel like work at all and is massively helpful to someone
- I do the clean up thing just because I don't like having a bunch of shit in front of me all spread out. I think it's years of having to clean up my stations and desks so I can actually function so it's just habitual. We should be taking into consideration that this might not be helpful at all to the worker if these other comments are to be believed.

happy to be your people

My wife and I do this, but I've always wondered whether I'm actually helping or just creating a different kind of inconvenience by not organizing them in a beneficial way.

It's helpful! But don't put trash inside the cups - this can be annoying to empty

When I lived in San Francisco, self-bussing was the norm. Here in Sacramento even the cafe wait staff look at me like I am crazy, unless I'm in a coffee franchise like Starbucks or Peets.

And they’ll charge you 25% + 4% tip for the privilege of bussing your own table.

My dad gets legitimately angry when I do this. Boomers are a different breed

My dad gets legitimately angry when I do this
I think it has to do with "putting the waiters out of their job". Like, when you do a part of the job for them consistently, the restaurant manager will eventually notice that and realize they can do with a little bit less staff. So they hire fewer waiters, which means potential waiters face a tougher job market.
And for anybody saying "that little bit of support can't make the difference between more and less staff", yes, it can. Consider that a restaurant manager might have already decided to fire a waiter that's a bit less performant (because they struggle to keep up) but decided to keep them anyways, just in case. Now they see that people do a part of the work, and that might just give them the idea that maybe, they could do with fewer waiters, and there's that one lazy guy who can't keep up anyway ...
I don't think it's an age thing, more of an empathy test. I've been a dishwasher, maybe that's why I tidy up.
- I've owned a restaurant, and once you've done that, you've been the dishwasher, janitor, toilet plunger, punching bag, robbery victim, etc.
  After all that, you tend to lose that sense that some jobs are below you. You just see it as work that has to be done, and you're standing there, so it might as well be you, so get it done.
Yeah, my boomer uncle told me it was low class after he watched me do it. When I was a waitress at the time. Fuck him and that mentality - I do it to this day and make into 6 figures
- Impressive. Employ a buncha seasoned techniques ‘n’ tactics during service? Influence by Dr. Cialdini had some, (including one that was essentially dishonest), but one more normal one like this:
That's bizarre to me.
edit: you just unlocked a memory of my mum bollocking me as a kid for doing it. It's so bizarre why?
- Too many people see life as a zero-sum game with a one-dimensional ranking. To them, success is defined as the number of people of people you're better than. Worse, many people go by pass/fail,as in "they're one of the good ones" (popular with bigots everywhere)

This comment section is a nice mix of "I'm a waiter, please don't do this, you're making my job harder" and "I always do this to make the waiters' lives easier"

Checking in at 23 hours - I count one comment to this effect, but even there the caveat is 'but only if you do it wrong'

My boomer mother did this. My boomer father was indifferent.

I do this.

For the record, the only things that get stacked are things that are perfectly stackable, I don't put a plate on top of a half-eaten cheese steak or leave utensils in the middle.

we scrape all the crap onto the top plate and stack the others under it.

My test for people is dressing plainly, by which i mean, not excessively well. I wear simple and plain clothing and have a plain appearance.

In my opinion, jewelry and cosmetics and all that are all very problematic. The whole feminism movement is largely about the fact that women don't want to be objectified, but then they objectify themselves, i argue. By wearing makeup, you're making yourself a "pretty thing", one whose superficial appearance is judged, which is arguably more problematic than helpful. Like, if you're a woman and talking to a man and you're overly pretty, you subconsciously think that they only talk to you because you look pretty, and that makes you suspicious of them and a little bit angry, which hinders the discussion and makes honest exchange of opinions a bit more difficult. If you dress plainly, don't wear makeup, earrings or any of that, then you can't think that they're only interested in your superficial appearance that they're interested in, so that means they talk to you because of your personality, which i think puts you in a better mood and makes the talking more worth-while. It leads to higher-quality exchanges.

By wearing makeup, you're making yourself a "pretty thing", one whose superficial appearance is judged, which is arguably more problematic than helpful.
Check your misogyny pal
I think people should be able to feel attractive if they want and not be objectified. I don't think men objectify women because they look pretty, I think we do it because we have been conditioned to think of women that way.
I actually prefer when women don't wear tons of makeup, most of the women I date wear very little or none at all. That being said if they ever decide to wear makeup I think it's great because they are expressing themselves. Either way I look at them as people first, even if I think they are beautiful.
I also wear earrings and occasionally a simple necklace. I don't think I'm objectifing myself, just that is how I like to look like. I think the same is true for a lot of women.
I know you don't mean it this way, but it almost sounds like you a validating the viewpoint of certain gross people who ask SA victims what they were wearing.
I think even the most knockout drop dead gorgeous people deserve to not be objectified. And whether I find them to be typically has nothing to do with how much makeup they are wearing or how much jewelry they have on.
If the only reason someone isn't objectifing you is because you dress plainly, that seems like they still aren't good people. I know it is a super prevalent though.
To each their own though. I'm also the guy who thinks people should be able to walk around completely naked and not be harassed or objectified, so my viewpoint isn't typical at all.
I'm not the one who down voted you by the way. I think it's weird to do that to people just because you don't agree with them.
- I dont think men have been conditioned to find women hot any more than the magpie in the next tree finding her partner hot.
  Its biology. People living in the middle of the jungle are attracted to women. They dont have any conditioned behavior at all except they want to sleep with them.
  Hot people will always be objectified. But you can make the media say its not correct to think about them that way, so people dont express their true opinions, so it seems that the objectification is gone now. :) Its all for show man.
I'm married, but I find simple beauty like you describe far more attractive than lots of makeup or other things some women feel to the need to do.
- makeup is self care: on a man or a woman… too much makeup, like anything else being too much, is performative and lacks taste… taste is an appropriate amount of something applied in a thoughtful manner
  you wouldn’t wear a suit to the pub, but it never hurts to not wear ripped jeans and a shirt that’s 2 sizes too large… just like you probably wouldn’t wear an entire face of makeup to a weekly drinks with friends, but you might wear some mascara or concealer (doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a gal these things make you look great either way)
Wow I've always had this feeling with people caring too much about their appearance and you just summed up pretty good why. Never realised this is the reason

As a former waiter, I have a counterpoint:

I can't carry that wobbly precarious mess you've made, and it's easier to disassemble and reassemble it because I know how to do this.

Thus, you've created work for me.

Thankfully I haven't been a waiter in - oh look! - 30 years.

I'm a former chef, so I've seen what happens when these best intentions go poorly.
Stack neatly and in manageable heights. If you leave utensils and food between the plates: you're not helping. Scrape remnants on to one plate and leave it at the top of the stack with the utensils.
Also, tip well. At least until we get the radical changes in labor law that would prevent these ratfucking cokehead "Chef"-Owners from paying the dirt wages that makes people live and die by their tips.
Well luckily for you I have restaurant industry experience, so I already know how to stack them the right way.
Yep instead I pass things out of reach, look the waiter in the eyes, comment on how hard they're working and chat to them. Just treat them like they're human
Plus if you hand me a messy stack, I now have to leave the table with it. If I can arrange food waste and cutlery on my own, I can carry way more
But I put the cutlery up top, so it's not wobbly at all.
- Wait do people really just stack them with all the cutlery scattered throughout the tower?
My wife used to wait tables and we generally eat or box everything, so I'm pretty confident she's right to pre-bus (and even wipe the table a little while waiting for check).
My only personal analogy is bagging groceries; self service shows how typical people have no idea, while an experienced bagger does. I saw a guy literally put eggs in the bottom of their bag. I can't imagine how terrible their pre-bussing must be.
- sheepishly telling the cashier thanks cuz my bag Tetris is no good
Yeah, I originally thought I was being nice until I heard this exact sentiment from another server. I try not to make a ridiculous mess and tip at least 20% for good service
I almost never had a table stack their stuff the way I wanted. Just make sure your spot is tidy, easy to grab, and there are no surprises like silverware or a tiny dish wrapped inside a napkin. Definitely don’t stick a paper napkin inside your cup that still has a drink in it. By the time it gets back to the dish station it will have turned into a paste someone has to dig out and will be cursing you!
I always prebus. If i don't know how to stack funny dishes then I leave them in small piles by type with cuttery on the top of what makes sense.
Takes less than 5 seconds for a stack / pickup with a nod to the busser.

My family would get upset if you did that or if the server came by and offered to take the empty plate away. Why yes one of them is named karen. How did you guess?

This and the shopping cart thing share the theme of consuming with less cost to the business owner, but with no actual difference (or making it worse) for the employees. Their boss will use all of their time no matter how much work they do. You aren't saving them work; you're saving the boss' money.

If you decline to go into a business near closing, then you're my kind of people. If you tip highly you're my kind of people. If you order clearly, concisely, and politely you're my kind of people.

But while you're pushing Sisyphus' boulder up the hill, he just has to go find another boulder.

That's assuming the boss won't give the employees shit for not able to finish enough work in a day.
- Anecdotally that was my experience when I worked at a restaurant and later a grocery store. They had no idea how much total work there was; they'd just keep us working.
So if the carts stack up outside, the cart guy has to go outside in the rain, slush, whatever. If they don't, he can stay inside for longer.
It gives him more time to dick around doing nothing.
Waiters also get some waiting around time. If they don't, they have to run everywhere. Why wouldn't you want them to have more breathing room?
You just failed the test
- I just lost the game!

I may tidy up. But I don't stack. I won't even stack at my house, I hate touching the dirty bottom of a plate.

the server and busser will 100% stack them and grab them by the edges of the plates to keep their hands clean, plates generally arent 100% level surfaces and fully covered in gravy so the issue youre imagining doesnt exist
I don't understand this. At all. Do you let them seat you at a dirty table? Do you think they don't wash the bottom of the plate? Are you and everyone you eat with flinging food everywhere and somehow getting food on the bottom of plates from the clean table? Please explain it to me.
- It could just be a simple quirk of OCD.
- When one dirty plate go on top of other dirty plate, bottom of plate get dirty too. OP no like making bottom of plate dirty, so no stack plate.

If you leave your cart in a parking space, you're sub-human

You're passible if you take it to the corral

But a truly good human will stack the carts into proper rows if the carts are loose in the corral

The exception is the handicapped area. When I drive my 80 something mother, we park in a handicapped spot, and I get out and grab the nearest cart for her. She uses that like a walker to get to the store. When we get back to the car, and she gets in, I leave the cart near the handicapped spots for the next person. I have often seen others do the same thing.
We parked the other day, and there were no carts nearby, so I went and got one for her. She could have made it into the store with just her cane, but she would have been slower, and not as confident.
So leave a cart or two in the handicapped zone. The handicapped folks have already worked out their own system that the normies don't know about or understand. It's a Geezer Thing.
I firmly believe in the validity of the Shopping Cart Test. On a related and depressing note, my little city is overrun with errant shopping carts.
- I have a clip from my dashcam floating around somewhere of me stopping, jumping out of my car, then hauling ass to catch someone's runaway cart moments before it hit a parked car. Honestly one of my proudest moments.
  On the opposite end, I once left a cart (on a curb) and it haunted me. To be fair, it was absolutely storming outside and I was chilled to the bone and just wanted to warm up..
- I used to work at a supermarket and preferred returning carts to other tasks, and got paid hourly. When someone returns the cart, they're doing that hourly work for the store owner for free. Since time is rival, you could be more effective with your altruism than helping store owners.
  You're depressed because there's so much homelessness, right?
I do have some caveats for this. As my parents both park in handicap, we've noticed that the cart corrals are super far from the handicap spots and I won't blame someone who already has trouble walking half way down the parking aisle to a corral.
I do tend to take the random carts from the parking lot in to use for shopping when I see them though. No reason to take one of the ones already brought back.
Apparently I'm a truly good human because my organizational autism trait gets triggered. I'm not even annoyed fixing them. It's just satisfying to see them in order.

As long as you don't overstack it. Make a tidy stack that can be carried easily with one hand securely. If you eg put utensils between plates you can cause an accident.

And if there's any big food waste like bones, put them all in the top plate

I usually have a pack of gum and I deliberately start a pattern on how I take pieces out. Usually it's from left to right, emptying a full row before I move on to the next.

My test is to offer them gum and see where they pick from. Will they recognize a pattern and continue it? Or will they be oblivious?

Either way, it's not a measure of good or bad. It's just a fun lil test.

Sometimes I just take a bite out of the entire kit kat bar without breaking it up.

My test is mostly how do they treat my visibly disabled husband. Who also is older than me and looks it. I don't like being treated like I'm his nurse. I understand why they might think daughter so I'm ambivalent towards that. A lot of people are short and snippy with him because he's harder to understand and that gets me upset.

I thought this to be common courtesy everywhere?

It can be seen as rude, depending on the culture. Like, "I did your job for you because you took so long". More often in "high class" settings, like places that need reservations weeks in advance.
But most of the time, people just don't care to assist the waiters and most waiters will appreciate it if you stack the plates. Some may judge you if you do it wrong.
- So far I manage to avoid "high class" most of my life 😁 And at best we're two people, I guess I can't do much wrong stacking two plates or so. But if that's seen as rude, OK. Can't know beforehand, but would assume most waiters are fine with it. If not, I'm not a psychic and just try my best to be polite. Can't please everyone.
- I really never liked tables that did this, in the restaurants I worked we observed oldschool etiquette… as long as someone is still enjoying their meal, we don’t clean up and if you do, I’ll asssume you just lack education.
Common courtesy is much too uncommon to be called common
- That's sad. And that's coming from a misanthropist that can't stand his own species. Doesn't mean I mustn't be polite to them.
- And what's that say about common sense?

I stack the plates to make room when boxing up food. It gets stacked in the way I would want to carry with the largest and cleanest ln bottom for stability and forks/utentils on top. Don't generally do more than 3 plates in a stack because they might want to rearrange.