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Microblog Memes @lemmy.world

ZeroCool @slrpnk.net

1y ago

"We do things a little differently here!"

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if your server is doing this it's because innumerable people before you have managed to fuck up eating out

My experience:
"Oh, well, here you need to download an app, consent to everything the app wants to do and register with your phone number. Then you can order and walk to the kitchen to pick up the food you ordered. Also, leave a tip if you enjoyed the service."
- At least around where I am, the places that use an app provide a tablet with that app to order on.
  
  That would be ideal. The place I visited did not provide any such options.
- I would walk out and never return to any place that forces me to install an app

We like to sit you down, and show you a menu. We take pride on our chewable, edible food. These little fellers here are silverware.
- This (gestures expansively to a cup) is what we here like to call a cup! It’s frequently used to hold liquids such as water, which is exactly what I’ve just poured into it.
  
  "Honey, they have drinking bowls with handles!"
  
  "Unlike many other restaurants, we offer a choice of beverages other than water. Some of those beverages will intoxicate you."
  
  What if I don't want my water in a "cup"?
- Neat!

we have something called a menu which you can choose your food from
- Now before you get your food, you're definitely gonna wanna make sure you have the mechanics down, so I'd like everyone to just open and close their mouths a few times, get those jaw muscles good and warm because let me tell you, if you haven't had food before, you don't know how much you're going to need them in a second
- That man isn't stealing your scraps or homeless, he's just bussing your table.

I feel like this is basically every action horror story ever as well....
"Forget everything you've seen in the movies, the only way to kill a Vampire is put a stake through the heart! Guns are useless!"
- Ugh, that's like D&D games where they're like, your character has no idea about what a vampire is because folklore doesn't exist in this universe so no one has ever shared a story ever.... even though the party has a bard who sings about things people have heard
  
  Right? We don't need to spend 7 chapters of a 9 chapter story going "Why does this really old, really rich guy only come out at night and talk about not drinking wine!?!?!" When, the fucking cover of the story says "The Vampire Killer 3: The Vampire That Kills"

The ones that amuse me are the restaurants that don’t do table service, but still have a multiple staff on the floor and door seemingly only to tell diners they don’t do table service.
- "All you have to do is scan a qr code, sit on your phone for 5-10 minutes to figure out our menu system, get water for yourself at the station over there, get your own silverware, pick up drinks at the bar, grab this vibrating puck, and pick up food on the other side of the restaurant. Don't forget to tip!"
  
  Is this still common or are people beating a dead horse?
  The whole QR code thing was big during the pandemic but every restaurant in my city deactivated their QR menu and setup.
  I say that as a person who loves ordering from a QR and just having the server bring it over. Fight me.
- The only thing worse is when they don't explain that, and you're stuck wondering why a waiter hasn't come over. Yes I understand that the QR code is a menu. No I don't think it's more efficient to change the concept of a "restaurant" after 5,000 years.
  Best thing is, last place that did this had a unique "fusion" menu. It's not like the food was self-explanatory. So the waiters had to come to every table anyway, but it was hard to flag them down.
  
  Btw restaurants with menu to choose from aren't that old

Where's the "we want plates" lemmy community? I loved that one on the other site.
- Be the change you want to see in the world.

Well you see, we have mild AND spicy salsa.
- Plot Twist: The spicy salsa is mid at best.
  
  They used an onion to make it so hot.
  
  Bienvenido a España!
- And BOTH are chock full of cilantro

Here at Restaurant, we offer "lonely singles style" dining. You order something you want to eat, and then you don't share it with anyone else. Unless they like, ask really politely for a bite, then that's on you. At the end of your meal, you ask for the check, then you wait like 20 minutes while going back and forth on whether you really need dessert or not, then you pay and leave!
- Also you either pay us or up front. It's one or the other but we won't tell you until you flag us down and ask.

whispers little bits

I once went to a pizza place that had a slogan like "pizza done different" and you went through the a chipotle style line and picked out crust, sauce, toppings, then they made your pizza and gave it to you. I couldn't figure out that was any different from a regular place.
- Most pizza places dont have a Chipotle style line I guess
- They fart on the dough.
- If it's chipotle style, then I would assume there's more e. coli.

Oh, y'all still have wait staff?
We have "digital kitchens" now: https://stories.whataburger.com/whataburger-debuts-new-digital-kitchen-all-the-flavor-with-more-convenience/
Same wait without the staff, tables . . . or blackjack
- Placing your order ahead for pick up at the new Digital Pick-up Lane allows our teams in the restaurant, whom we call Family Members, to deliver fresh, made to order food while reducing your time in the drive thru.
  jesus christ
  
  I didn't believe you for a moment there but yes guys it does say Family Members on the site and is incredibly cringe.
  
  If that's how they treat family, what do they do with strangers?
- or blackjack
  What about the hookers? WHAT ABOUT THE HOOKERS?

But if you say yes they say the same speal to remind you

@pizza used to have their own name for every ingredient and would correct you if you asked for something by its regular name
- "I'll have a cheeseburger and-"
  "Oh, you must mean our Cheesy Squeezy Chuck Burger"
  
  sharpens table knife

Then they slide your silverware or straw over to you and say ...and there's that."
"Yes of course, that"
- proceeds to bite into spoon
  
  worst spoon ever
  
  Stupid trendy restaurants with their gallium flatware.

The only time I ever needed a waiter to explain how things worked was when I ate at a Paula Dean restaurant. That place did not work like a normal restaurant.
- Fogo de Chao is unusual, too. The options are whether you want the salad bar or not, and what beverage. Otherwise, you have a thing that's red on one side and green on the other. If you want the servers carrying different cuts of meat to stop by to offer you some to put on your plate, you flip that to red. If you're good, you flip to green.
  
  I thought it was red for stop and green for go meat
- How was it different? How did it work?
  
  People don't order individual meals. You order a meal for the whole table which is then brought out to the whole table to share. They provide unlimited refills of everything. So the whole table has to get together to decide what entree and sides they want. They don't let you take any leftovers home either. Everyone gets butter rolls and a dessert.
  If you go to their site you can see the menu but your choices are a 2, 3, or 4 entree meal with 4 sides.
  Paul Deen's Family Kitchen

"We do family style, which means the portions are more than you can conceivably eat. That way you won't complain when we overcharge you by a factor of 10."

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