What is a discreet way of waking myself?

I can't imagine that you can get out of bed without waking your wife if your smartwatch vibrating wakes her up.

Vibrating butt plug with timer

Realistically, your wife is your partner and some sacrifices need to be made. If she can't sleep through a watch, she should consider earplugs or just deal. I'm sure you silence it and leave the room ASAP so, that's just life of sharing a room with a spouse.

Edit like literally millions of spouses have tolerated their other rising before them, it's a normal part of the deal

If your wife is such a light sleeper that a vibrating watch is waking her perhaps sleeping in a separate room when you need to wake up at a certain time would work?

in a strange twist, the chess world already solved this one. Vibrating buttplug

Drink several glasses of water before going to bed so you wake up to pee.

What if you put the smart watch on your ankle? The covers might muffle the noise but you still feel it vibrate.

You could grab a brush and put a little make-up. Perhaps hide the scars to fade away the shake-up. But then why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Ah, here you go create another fable.

Why do you want a discreet way to wake up? You wanted to.

Drink a lot of water before bed, your bladder will wake you up

Get a cat and feed it first thing every day when you get up. Soon you'll have claws in your arm to wake you. Might it meow and wake the wife and kids? Perhaps, but wives and kids love cats so they won't mind.

connected butt plug

Have her boyfriend give you a shake when its time to get up.

Ngl, had to read the title twice.

Kindly ask her to get used to your alarm sound, and not wake up then.

This may seem harsh, but actually it isn't. Every house has it's own specific sounds, and it is quite normal to get used to them and not wake up. If you hear other sounds that are unusual, then you wake up. It is a natural thing.

Get an enlarged prostate. You won't sleep for more than 3 hours straight promise.

What if you got a battery and put it on a timer and hooked the electrodes to your toes? That way you get moderately zapped, and she doesn't wake up. After a week or so, I would bet you have so much anxiety that your internal clock will wake you, even without the zap. The body is amazing.

I had to put on my glasses to read the post title...

Legitimate answer though, once upon a time before I realized such relationships are not really feasible for me to maintain, I just kept a separate stowable bed in the office for work nights when I had to get up earlier without waking the gf. Days she got up earlier, she couldn't wake me if she tried, but I would sometimes steal the blanket and wake her early still so we got multiple separate blankets. Usually three in case one of us did a double blanket steal.

Does your wife wear a sleep mask/would she be willing to wear one? You could then get one of those sunrise alarm clocks that lights up the room before making noise.

If a smart watch vibrating on your wrist, assuming it wasn't also alarming with audio, then how are you going to avoid waking her by just getting out of bed?

I don't know if this will work for you. Every night I close my eyes and picture a clock with the time I want to wake. Then I tell myself the time I want to wake up.

Did your smartwatch actually buzz/vibrate? Hate to shill, but try an Apple Watch. It doesn’t really buzz, but the haptics feel like a tap on the wrist.

That being said, if a discrete buzz wakes her, how are you supposed to get up without waking her?

Some smart watches allow you to adjust the intensity of the vibration. (My Samsung Watch6 does.) See if your will let you experiment with that.

Drink enough water at the right time to pee at the right time

Get some kind of gas you can puff out at your wife to make her fall back asleep.

I had a first gen Xiaomi smart band thingy for this very reason that I put on my leg. Worked well enough unless I was exhausted or drunk but then nothing would anyway.

I had a smartwatch that had a very annoyingly buzzy vibration, so I empathize with this problem. If nothing else works I do believe that some expensive smartwatches (like apple watch) have a more quiet "tappy" vibration. You could test in store to see how loud the sound is before buying it

Heating pad on a timer? Silent, but probably uncomfortable enough to make you aware of the time when it's on.

A mattress with per-side heat controls. Unplug it, set your side to super hot, then use a timer socket to make it turn on when you want to wake up.

There are actually watches/bands that will give a minor shock as an alarm. Sounds crazy but unless it jump to the wife (hope it wouldn't be that strong...) it shouldn't wake anyone. Novel idea if nothing else.

Put the watch around your balls.

Smart bulbs, have it turn on automatically at the time a gentle alarm goes off

Deaf people have a vibrating pad under their bedsheet.

If you always go to bed at the same time you should wake up at the same time. Do you have an irregular schedule?

I haven't needed an alarm in many years, but when my sleep cycle was poor I always needed it.

If your wife is the type who would want to wear a sleep mask, you could put your lights on a timer to make you up, if you have smart lights a lot of them have a feature to turn the brightness up slowly to wake you up more gently. She wouldn't be bothered by them if she's wearing a mask but they'd get you up.

Hatch alarm clock uses light to wake you up. There are cheaper knockoffs on Amazon.

There are these lamps that mimic natural sunrise. If you put one on your side of the bed and sleep towards it, might work. I used one a decade ago and it worked ok. Keep the watch alarm as back up though

If you can wear sleep headphones the Sleep app for android will send it's alarm to headphones. And it will ramp up the volume of the alarm over time. I imagine there's something similar on iOS. I wear SleepPhones... they're fine.

You can try the watch again with very low volume or some quiet alarm sound with no vibrate and leave it under your pillow.

I have no idea if this is a good product or not but look up shock clock alarm watch. It uses an electric shock to wake the wearer up.

Try gentle, natural sounds in your alarm. Bird songs, sound if rain, etc. Many alarm apps have an option to start very quiet and increase volume gradually, that may help

Set alarm quiet-ish on your phone, put it under your pillow then hope the volume is loud enough to wake you, but the muffled sound doesn't wake them up?

Just set an alarm to wake you up before the main alarm and then silence the main alarm and get up. But then you need to set another alarm to remind you to cancel that alarm.

Ultimately you're going to have to smother her with your pillow before the first alarm goes off, that way it won't be able to bother her, so make sure to set an alarm to remind you.

I got a sunrise alarm clock recently and I've really been enjoying it. Whether it will work for your situation or not depends on how sensitive you each are to light in the mornings.

You could try some bone conducting head phones. I've been wearing the Shokz brand OpenRun headband all day at work for about 5 months now and it's comfy. I use them in bed sometimes but don't fall asleep in them. They have some new wrap around ear ones that might be comfier to sleep in.

Edit: A full charge will last all day and they recharge quickly.

Maybe a small shielded pin light focused on your pillow only, on a timer. We naturally wake up to the sun without an alarm. Make sure it can't be seen from your wife's side.

Deaf people use vibrating watches.

Sleep in a different house

Haven't used an alarm in many years. It is something you can train and get better at, just actively tell yourself when you want to wake up. Boom, magic.