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Boomers spent their lives accumulating stuff. Now their kids are stuck with it.

Millennials are about to be crushed by all the junk their parents accumulated.

Every time Dale Sperling's mother pops by for her weekly visit, she brings with her a possession she wants to pass on. To Sperling, the drop-offs make it feel as if her mom is "dumping her house into my house." The most recent offload attempt was a collection of silver platters, which Sperling declined.

"Who has time to use silver? You have to actually polish it," she told me. "I'm like, 'Mom, I would really love to take it, but what am I going to do with it?' So she's dejected. She puts it back in her car."

Sperling's conundrum is familiar to many people with parents facing down their golden years: After they've acquired things for decades, eventually, those things have to go. As the saying goes, you can't take it with you. Many millennials, Gen Xers, and Gen Zers are now facing the question of what to do with their parents' and grandparents' possessions as their loved ones downsize or die. Some boomers are even still managing the process with their parents. The process can be arduous, overwhelming, and painful. It's tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don't want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.

Much has been made of the impending "great wealth transfer" as baby boomers and the Silent Generation pass on a combined $84.4 trillion in wealth to younger generations. Getting less attention is the "great stuff transfer," where everybody has to decipher what to do with the older generations' things.

158 comments
  • When my grandmother (Greatest Generation) died, it took my mom (Boomer), my wife, and I six weeks to go though everything and six days (over 2 weekends) to sell it at estate sales.

    She had full house decor for winter, easter, spring, summer, autumn, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She had a giant Rubbermade bin just of tiny porcelain shoes. I've never seen so many candles that had been burned once of twice then put away. At one point my wife screamed because she found an access door in a closet, leading to a smaller closet. and the tiny closed had half a dozen bins full of fake flowers. The house was always pristine and never looked cluttered - she spent decades pulling off one of the better magic tricks I've seen.

    My mom majorly downsized a few years later, and just did so again. I think she saw her future and didn't like.

  • My mom is in the middle of downsizing. I have some storage space, so I let her keep her stuff in my house. It gives her an excuse to come visit and we go through her things while she decides what's worth keeping or donating. I'm involved in the process, and I've saved a couple heirlooms with sentimental value.

    My mother-in-law likes to show up unannounced and drop crap off. So far she's given me two lawnmowers, a bunch of rusty garden tools, and a leaky water cooler. I think she thinks she's helping, but it's getting to the point that I feel like I'm her dumping site.

  • Wow, can you imagine having that?

    A house that you could put "stuff" into?

    Oof.

    • Seriously, my life has always been downsized.

      Going home to parents feels like stepping into a fucking hoarders den, comparatively.

      • They lived in a different time period. Climate change hadn't already happened yet, and the USA especially was sitting on top of the world, as the rest of it had been if not quite decimated then at least heavily damaged by all the bombing from WWII. And we were a socialist nation! Schools, roads, bridges, a fully functioning post office, and so much more. The top marginal tax rate was ~90% and... well anyway.

        So yeah, like the Kings of Old, they accumulated "stuff". It made sense to them at the time. Surely nothing would ever like... "change" or anything like that, would it? And they even okayed the dismantling of things like social security, and maintenance of infrastructure - so long as such did not directly impact themselves, it's all good, right? So long as women also lose bodily autonomy, anything that went along with that is A-okay, r-r-right?!

        On the bright side, do younger people have less stress, knowing that they don't have to save up for retirement, bc they'll surely die sooner than it would be able to keep up with anyway? Especially with inflation like we've seen lately?

        Anyway that was quite a tangent wasn't it? TLDR: people's lives are so very different now, and look to remain that way permanently. And not just in the USA, but due to Brexit, in the UK too. Disinformation campaigns are strikingly effective.

  • This is the truth. Both sets of parents have dumped stuff on us often enough that we’ve had to put our collective foot down and refuse most items. Gone are the days were there might be just a few real nice items people wanted to keep, now it’s collections of Precious Moments figurines or similar that nobody wants.

    It’s really hard to get rid of stuff that is still good and useful. You can barely literally give it away. I hate waste, so just dumping whatever it is in the trash is an absolute last resort. Places you would think that would take stuff are also overwhelmed and won’t take a ton of different things. Salvation Army, Goodwill…all of them have gotten picky and will refuse things even if new on occasion.

    It’s really given me a deep revulsion for “stuff”. If something comes into our house it has to have a real purpose, or if it’s replacing something, the old thing must go ASAP.

  • I'm Gen-X and oh my god you have no idea.

    My dad was pre-Boomer (born in 1931), but he just endlessly collected stuff. Thousands of movie soundtracks and classical music albums on both LP and CD. Hundreds of DVDs. Mountains of movie memorabilia and posters. Coins. Stamps. Rare books. Antiques. That's just the major collections. Lots of minor ones- sheet music, British cigarette trading cards, and then there are not just the over 20 books he wrote, but extra copies of them. Most of them are academic texts on film. The rest is stuff like terrible poetry and bad plays that no one is interested in but I can't bring myself to get rid of.

    Much of it had value, so I didn't want to just dump it. We did an auction for some of it, garage sales, a flea market stall, I ended up spending about two years selling stuff on eBay, I gave a lot to friends, the CDs eventually just had to go to Goodwill because no one wanted them.

    And I'm still stuck with a ton of stuff. A garage full of stuff that I don't want to just toss because someday someone might want an almost life-size ceramic bust of Charlie Chaplin and it feels stupid to just throw it away.

    Meanwhile, my also pre-boomer mom (born 1942) has been collecting antique furniture.

    I think I'm just going to do an estate sale when she dies.

    I have one "collection." 5 bakelite radios and one Weltron Space Ball radio/8-track player. My daughter has my permission to take them to some charity place if she doesn't want them. Preferably not Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but those are the choices you get in this town unfortunately. Nothing else I have is of any real value and I'm fine with that. And having seen what I've already gone through to get rid of all of this stuff, my daughter is too.

    Edit: I forgot to say that the stuff I talked about doesn't include all the stuff I said to my brother "just take what you want" about because I really didn't want to argue about it and he was going to fuck off back to Atlanta after the funeral anyway. But he doesn't have any kids and he's 11 years older than me, so I'll probably get all that shit too one day.

  • Part of this seems like it's attributable to changes in lifestyle and material conditions of younger people, relative to their parents. Different aesthetics might mean their parents' stuff looks incredibly gaudy to them, and doesn't go with anything else in their apartment. My parents' home is larger than any place I can reasonably expect to be able to afford, so I also don't want their big dining room table that I'd have to pay for storage on for years before I can afford a space that it will immediately fill all of. Even if it's a nice piece of furniture, that's just a pain in the neck to go through, all for something I might never get to use.

    On the topic of collections, boomers just fundamentally ignore key parts of collectibility. First, old collectables only became so valuable precisely because people weren't obsessively hording and caring for everything with the intent of selling it down the line. Old Superman comics are rare and valuable due to people who bought them at the time they first came out largely treating them as disposable. They didn't assume they were anything special that merited being held on to and cared for, so they didn't. When everyone and their dog buys up commemorative plate sets, or Beanie Babies, or whatever other collectable grift boomers fell for, and they take great care of them, they don't generally see their value do anything but decrease. The supply doesn't get significantly reduced, and everyone else can see that they didn't pan out as the collectable investments they were billed as, so who would want them?

    That said, even for collections of items of genuine worth, you mostly need to hope that whoever you're looking to give it to is as into whatever hobby as you are. If I were planning on having kids, I think it would be pretty unreasonable to expect them to know what to do with my fountain pen collection, unless they were into them as well. Otherwise, it's just a ton of fussy pens that seem to have a fair number of duplicates that are really only distinguished by knowledge I couldn't expect them to take the time to go gathering. Then, it's still a big pain to actually identify things, make sales listings and sell them off. Hell, I have the knowledge, and even I find it annoying to do so.

    Maybe we could address this, in part, by normalizing expanding options a bit for inheritance. If my hypothetical kids aren't going to know how to make heads or tails of my pen collection, but I've got a younger friend who is just as into the hobby as I am, it would be nice if I could just leave them that specific collection, without having to worry it'll kick off some acrimonious squabbling. Failing that, have parents indicate who they trust to sell an item for a fair price if nobody wants it. You can take it and think about it, but if it's just not for you, you've got a trusted source to sell it off for you, so you (hopefully) don't have to go through an ordeal trying to find someone to sell it for you that will give you a fair shake.

  • Yeah, but there's likely a house included in that. For some of you that's the only house you're going to get.

    A small price to pay for having to take a load of Precious Moments to the tip.

    I myself have a baby's cot in the attic, courtesy of a mental mother-in-law. Nicotine stained blankets, the lot. I have no idea why. We don't want kids. We have never expressed any interest in having one. It's just taking up room. Shipped to us at great expense by somebody who I can only assume thinks she's getting grandchildren out of this. She is not. Not from us anyway. So in the attic it will sit until she dies and then the missus can finally throw it away, safe from a random surprise inspection to make sure we still have it.

    If it was left to me it would already be gone, probably into a bonfire.

    What really pisses me off is that she had a NES in the room she kept this junk in. Didn't fucking send us that.

    • A lot of these folks that rave about "owning their home" and about how "bad the younger generation is with money" have re-mortgaged their home to fund their insane lifestyles and owe enough that it's just gonna be a headache for whoever "inherits" the poorly maintained asbestos farm.

  • "It's not like you guys aren't going to have stuff, because guess what? Amazon is at your house every day,"

    Ouch. Right in the furniture.

  • My mom was disappointed when I said I didn't want any of my dad's things when he died last year. Hell, I hated turning some of it down. And I'm not taking any of her stuff, either. I'm really not into the "50+ years of cigarettes" aesthetic.

158 comments