Texas National Guard arriving in Chicago

Drunken Pete: don’t be fat

The national guard: ^^^

They picked the perfect guys for Chicago. I hope they brought their beers and their wings for... "DA BEARS!"

First thing they do is order a liter of cola each

What's a liter cola?
- In the US, it converts to 3 cups, a half-quart and a couple of floz.

Judging from their bellies this is Meal Team 6?

Looks like they're sending their Human Hamburger Squad. Watch out, fast food restaurant owners!

And these fucking pukes get m4's?

I was active combat duty for a year, getting shot at DAILY and I had to suck it up and try to fucking kajigger a full size fucking garbage ass m16 out the fucking hatch to return fire

Fuck everything about this

Neverfucking mind captain flag my buddy, front and center

They should gobble down more Happy Meals. WTF, they are a disgrace to the uniform and the oath every single US soldier pledges.

Mindless triggerhappy idiots are going to reign your country.

Didn't trump say "no fatties in the army"?

Trump didn't say that. Hegseth said that.
- You are fully correct, but is there much of a difference there?
He was talking about yo momma when he said that.

When Texas sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

Lol you had me goin on the first half I'm not gonna lie

No Juan left behind.

The one on the top left doesn't look porky enough

Weekend warriors looking succulent!

They're eating the immigrants!

Oh how the turn tables.

This must be that higher male military standard Hegseth was talking about.

Like Tiananmen square, the regime stopped using local troops in an attempt to flex their authority and instead brought in outside military with no attachment to the area so they would have less trouble being ordered to fire on civilians.

These gravy seals from the South are gonna be the tattered flag and trump sticker on a truck types that sit around the desk at the guard base wishing they could punch a liberal.

Like Tiananmen square, the regime stopped using local troops in an attempt to flex their authority and instead brought in outside military with no attachment to the area so they would have less trouble being ordered to fire on civilians.
One minor quibble. To date, I am not aware of any US cities where residents are actually rioting. To date, no one in ICE has actually been injured by protesters. Certainly nobody has died. No property has been destroyed. Nobody is really fighting back.
Let me know when someone in Portland actually sets an APC on fire.

The closest thing to Tiananmen in America in physicality was J6. Then maybe the Chaz Protests in Portland in June of 2020 or BLM in Ferguson and Baltimore. Nothing like that is happening now. Even the anti-genocide college protests at Columbia and UCLA don't really come close to what Chinese protesters managed in Beijing.
Americans are largely passive in the face of their own oppression.
- I dunno, the Rodney King riots were pretty damn crazy.
How I would love to just look at them and say "actually you're the liberal" and watch them lose their minds.

Triggerhappy idiots. But why not. Suits the country.

All this after Trump saying he doesn't want fat troops

A chunky guy with a gun is dangerous because he'll use it to solve the problem with minimal physical expenditure

Not with no ammunition in it he won't. Look closely.
Homer Simpson shooting TV to turn it off.gif
I love how you preface a very real, and very dangerous threat with: 'a chunky guy'.
- 💯
  A real chonkarino. Mr tubbster. Flubbery Fred. The original chonkster.
  All clearly better options than "a chunky guy". Gotta show some respect.

They deployed 120 soldiers and 360 chins to Chicago.

It's weirder than that, they don't seem to have chins at all. Their heads are like perfectly round melons.

They seem well fed.

If there's one thing Texas does well, it's barbeque.

Phew! No beards.

Must have just shaved their necks before putting on their costumes

Holy fuck, they had to haul them in in a semi-trailer.

I can't think of a single reason why they shouldn't be arrested the moment they show up in Chicage. Traitors and criminals, the lot of them.

They’re unstoppable on their shop-mobility scooters.

If anyone wants a transparent PNG, here it is.

Thanks! I'm gonna have fun with this...

Meal team six.

All your burgers are belong to us.
- You know what? They can keep them. I'm reconsidering my nutrition upon looking at them.

How in the fuck did these guys pass a PT test?

Didn't Trump and Hegseth just call the generals together to rant about fat officers? Why did they immediatly mobilize fat soldiers then, that's worse.
That is of course in addition to the fact that deploying them on US soil with no foreign enemies is plainly unconstitutional.
Maybe they did. Once. Long ago. Because the tester was even less fit and the only criterion was if a bunch of 17-year-olds could outrun a 60-something with a 40 years of military-sponsored junk food headstart and half out of breath just shouting "ready – set – huff Go!"

I love how everyone is so willing to hate on their weight/body shape here as if that matters, what matters is if they will uphold their duty to serve this country or be cowards and do whatever Trump says and serve him. Who cares if they don't have the body type you associate with a marvel superhero character? Even if they are infantry we aren't talking about frontline troops meant to spearhead invasions we are talking about The National Guard. This just seems like such an easy way to try to start flinging mud when the issue is existential and directly related to whether we are under authoritarian military rule or not.

Trust me, Trump hates these people, this form of deployment of National Guard is a disgrace and is meant to be humiliating to the people who actually believe in something who are serving as it is anything else, he wants them to suffer so they can provide clips for their political BS machine as they clutch their pearls in manufactured terror, realize what the implications of that are outside of whatever politics those National Guardsman have or whatever physical shape they appear to be in or appear not to be in.

I appreciate your appeal to reason, but I think the urges to always pluck the lowest hanging fruit, to react first and think never, are just always going to win out online.
They are overweight Texans who want to shoot colored people, gays and communists.
what matters is if they will uphold their duty to serve this country or be cowards and do whatever Trump says and serve him
They seem happy enough to Just Following Orders their way into Portland and Chicago.
he wants them to suffer so they can provide clips for their political BS machine as they clutch their pearls in manufactured terror
And they're happy to play their part, it seems.
Ok. You make a legit point but their overlord just gave a macho speech about how he doesn't like seeing fat generals in the Pentagon and PT will be mandatory for all active duty and blah blah manly things and blah blah anti woke things. Just sayin.
- Trump is the fattest “general.”
Well, a lot of people already thought the national guard was for people who want to be in the military but do nothing. My science teacher in middle school was in the national guard and he was slightly overweight and extremely diabetic. We used to have to take breaks every once in a while when his sugar crashed and he'd eat a candy bar.
I just didnt think the fitness standards for guardsman were this bad, its actually comical.

This is General Gronewold from the Oregon National Guard.

https://substack.com/@thedangerousones/note/c-164243455?r=52ig94

Just so you know, this link shares your substack username with everyone who clicks on it, and more than likely links them to you in the background. Everything after "?r=" is a unique hash linked to your account.
PSA for everyone else: You are sharing URLs with Tracking Links. Please stop.
This needs to be higher up!
People need to know that the real military is not siding with these shart shirts.
- I was really sure that some of them would have the balls to do what's right. This gives me a little bit of hope

two legends

If they ever go abroad, it'll be SAS - Steak And Sauce
Meal team six
- Operation Dessert Storm

They're not sending their best, but some I assume are trained soldiers.
Just start leaving hot dogs and Italian beefs laying around.
That won't be enough, soon they'll be equipped with segways
- Go in the grass.
Poetry

Gravy Seals.

The one on the right reminds me of Mike from Spaced.

I need to watch that show again now

They stole a tank and tried to invade Euro Disney.

You get two in one per guard!

I try hard not to make fun of people’s appearances. It’s not fair to mock them for their weight or their little mustaches or their ill-fitting camo gear.

But….

These are evil people arriving to do evil things. Sometimes ridicule is the only weapon we can use against them, since violence would only bring more of the same.

So I guess it’s fair to say that these fearsome warriors, hot off their recent and decisively clear victory over anorexia, will pour into Chicago, like beef gravy over pizza, and devour their chosen enemy, no matter how much sweat, panting, and snacks it takes...

Unless their enemy is at the top of more than 2 flights of stairs, of course.

I wouldn't say the NG members are evil people doing evil things. They don't exactly get a choice in the matter about where they're deployed, and I haven't seen any reports of NG members doing anything nefarious.
- Yeah I thought the guard was mainly responsible for responding to help and rebuild in disaster areas.
- Also I have heard that the National Guard are basically orange man's provocation technique.
  He wants the populace to attack them so that he can instate marshal law over the US.
  God Speed to y'all.
Same. I used to be overweight (though not as much as they are), and even though I’m fit now, I would never make fun of a random person’s weight - you never know what illness or psych problem they are dealing with.
But in this case I think it’s fair, as 1) soldiers should be fit, and 2) they are here to hurt (or at least intimidate) you, so no reason to be nice to them
- Also there are four of them in close proximity which is fucking hilarious following shortly after the drunkass Pete Hegswhatever was just lecturing the military commanders about how he was going to get rid of anyone who didn't meet his physical standards.
- Their body weight and physical build is very, very relevant. Someone physically unfit for the situation will resort to use of deadly force immediately. So bash away.
- Yall would do best to quit the handwringing about when and how body shaming is okay. Body shaming is never okay, period. This is not leftism. This is liberalism. Leftists dont do this. And to what end? Performative schoolyard insults aren't going to stop the descent into fascism. All it does is show you aren't understanding what causes fascism and how it's mitigated. Does the existence of black Nazis give you the right to start dropping N bombs?
  "Violence doesn't work against Nazis"
  What??? What was WWII about then??
  You have two methods to stop fascism: meet people's basic needs, or squash it with guns and bullets. No amount of cutting late night monologues, or epic slams, or incisive think pieces will quell fascism. I'll leave you a quote from Hitler.
  And so, I established in 1919 a programme and tendency that was a conscious slap in the face of the democratic-pacifist world. [We knew] it might take five or ten or twenty years, yet gradually an authoritarian state arose within the democratic state, and a nucleus of fanatical devotion and ruthless determination formed in a wretched world that lacked basic convictions.
  Only one danger could have jeopardised this development — if our adversaries had understood its principle, established a clear understanding of our ideas, and not offered any resistance. Or, alternatively, if they had from the first day annihilated with the utmost brutality the nucleus of our new movement.
  Neither was done. The times were such that our adversaries were no longer capable of accomplishing our annihilation, nor did they have the nerve. Arguably, they furthermore lacked the understanding to assume a wholly appropriate attitude. Instead, they began to tyrannise our young movement by bourgeois means, and, by doing so, they assisted the process of natural selection in a very fortunate manner. From there on, it was only a question of time until the leadership of the nation would fall to our hardened human material.
  Emphasis mine.
These last two paragraphs are poetry
These are evil people arriving to do evil things.
They're members of the national guard. The typical enlistment period for the National Guard is 8 years. Many would have joined under Biden, and are probably still required to serve out a number of years. If they don't, then they might have to suddenly pay back the tuition benefits or something. The military, Guard included, isn't normally something you can just quit if you don't like how things are going.
ICE employees? That's another matter. You had to voluntarily join ICE, and many of them have joined in just the last few months. They knew what they were getting into. They're wearing masks to hide their identities, and all the bad incidents I've heard of (people being shot by rubber bullets, being thrown down and injured, etc.) have been ICE not Guard.
- They have no choice about their lawful orders. These guardsmen were ordered to deploy against America and didn't refuse. Maybe evil is a strong term but it sure sounds like Treason to me.
Given the usual missions I've seen the National Guard deployed for, I would actually give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are actually good willed people. Which makes the whole situation all the more deplorable and Trump all the more of an evil cunt. Hopefully he gets hoisted by his own petard.

They're following an illegal order.

I do not agree with Trump but the NG (so far) have not done anything crazy where they have been deployed. Sitting around twiddling their thumbs is hardly harming anyone. Most of them do not want to be involved in this nonsense. They have not been like the sociopaths in ICE.
- The NG has no business being in the public eye and confronting the police at their own job. This is like me popping up at your job in camo with a gun and watching you. Yeah no, not doing anything crazy though.
- They still traitors. They could have refused their illegal orders and opted not to. Especially after DJT's whole speech about war against americans and the enemy at home.

National Lard

Texas National Lard

That's protective padding!
No worries, Hegseth is going to whip them into shape post haste!
Why does it say US Army on their jackets if they are NG?
- Are you aware of what a pun is?

What do Texans do when someone trespasses on their property?

Thing is, those are guardsmen. Probaly are called up and pulled from their families to end up in Chicago.. All for the benefit of a deflecting old fuck that doesn't want us to remember that he's likely on the Epstein list for doing the dirty to underage girls.

This is the EXACT thing we're supposed to forget. Epstein.

This isn't about fucking Epstein, this is a literal fascist takeover of our cities for fuck sake. At what point will you realize this?
- Porque no los dos?
- People have been saying "It's all a distraction!" in response to every single thing Trump has done for the past decade. They just can't accept that Trump and his supporters are just awful people who consistently do awful things. Gotta be some Grand Design.
- If the Epstein thing had been handled properly we wouldn't be in this mess.
Nobody's forgetting hes a pedophile who has fucked tons of baby girls. We knew this before the Epstein list came out. He said it on TV.
Everyone who cares already hates him. The ones who dont never will.
To reiterate: he said it on TV, this was not a secret, the line about how he's allowed to 'grab them by the pussy' was about minors, little girls.
Stop pretending these cultists have any conscience, any ethical line. Just call them all pedophiles. They're the pedo party.
- He even talked about fucking his own daughter if he had the chance
- It's not that they know. It's that we won't allow the subject to be changed anymore. We're bullying back. If you're tired, consider taking a break in general, bc this is the only thing I've seen working, and it gets to places violence doesn't reach.
  Also, your criticism is helpful and I am NOT arguing against any of your salient points.
This isn't an educated guess. We know he's in there. The exact details of his involvement are needed to prosecute, but we for sure without a doubt know. We may not know it directly from this case, but the sum of all of the evil shit he's been a part of will easily lead you there, just not enough to prosecute this exact instance unfortunately.
On the one hand, I feel bad for them. They signed up because it put a little extra food on their family's plates, and they felt like they'd be helping out in case of a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, flood, or similar. They likely don't desire to enforce the anti-constitutional rulings of a degenerate. They'll be fired at best for refusing, jailed or made an example of at worst.
But... they are still the hands carrying out the tasks. Fuck them. We live in a society where information is milliseconds away, and being ill-informed on a topic is only due to laziness. There are fucking cartoons that will explain constitutional law if you can't read a text based article for long enough to grasp the topic, for fuck's sake.
- All armed forces members are required by oath, and therefore by law, to refuse unlawful orders.
"likely"? I thought we were past this. He's on the list more times than people have been able to count.

on second thought, we can totally take em.

Holy fuck Americans, honestly.

Your obesity issue is out of hand.

So is your fascism, but geowd dawm those are some chunky soldiers.

When I was in the army these boys would've prolly not been able to keep up and would've been sent home to eat Ozempic and diet for a year or two before returning to the brigade.

Hell, I'm a supply NCO, trained as a quartermaster as well and I don't think we'd have sizes big enough, lol.

- Well, there's a free bonus in the fact that unhealthy people also require more healthcare. Probably not intended, but you'd have hard time convincing me that it's an unwelcome side effect.
- It's not weird at all.
  A perfectly natural consequence of laissez-faire capitalism leading what should and shouldn't be regulated.
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Food_desert
  I find it incredibly weird to imagine that some people think it normal that you can't walk to a grocery store with fresh vegetables etc.
  Never had Doritos or Funyons or Twinkies in my life. I tried Oreos once, but I'm more used to the equivalent we have here (copied and slightly altered by some decades and decades ago.)
  I don't think there's anything I prefer as the American version. Perhaps like if you use the word to encompass all American countries, maybe, ~authentic Mexican is pretty nice and usually gluten free.
  It's a lot about food deserts and infra and regulation, but also using HFCS instead of some other sugars does have an effect.
  Even though we got very gluttonous people as well, somehow ours aren't just ever as Michelin Man shaped. It's more like a huuuuge belly with skinny legs and arms and head. Well some diabetic people do tend to swell up quite a bit but...
  Edit talking of nachos I fking got some and salsa, thank for the indirect reminder. Although I'm too bothered somehow that they've made the chips round instead of triangles.
  Edit 2 I'm changing my mind a little as these do get a nice amount of salsa if they're a little bent
They're the national guard, their job is to help old people in hurricanes.
- They’re the national guard, their job is was to help old people in hurricanes.
- At the peak of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars the national guard and reserve (but mostly guard) made up over 75% of the troops deployed. More national guard units saw more combat than active duty units simply by sheer numbers. I did 8 years and 4 months in the guard and over half that time I was activated for two tours to Afghanistan. I did more overseas time than my active duty time equivalent. National guard units were also consistently being placed in shittier places than active duty units because the active duty commanders didn't want difficult deployments to potentially get in the way of future promotions. So the guard also took the brunt of the casualties. My first tour was in the second worst area in the country at the time and out of all the US troops (we were with the Polish), all but one was national guard. We set the regional record for longest continuous direct fire firefight at the time and a Polish truck set the record for the largest IED hit (aprox. 550 lbs, all died).
  The longest continuous deployment during the Global War on Terrorism was also done by a guard unit. The 34th BCT did 22 months in Iraq.
  To say the guard only helps old people and with hurricanes is beyond an understatement. We provided the bulk of the boots on the ground and did the job and big army literally couldn't do.
- I served in a military in Finland in peacetime. That's basically what we use instead of a national guard.
  There was no crisis when our company was on-call, but at least one or two companies stated every weekend to make sure there's enough people to rapidly deploy assistance anywhere.
  My older brother had to go and help a city out. But yeah, it's basically just assisting people in crisises.
  Unless Putler decides he wants to give it a go, but I strongly doubt it.
  Taistelukenttä 2020 | Slagfält 2020 | Battlefield 2020
Gives new meaning to the roll out don't it
- Like they say: "These colors don't run"

Jesus Christ, Meal Team Six inbound, clear the approach vector!

https://lemmy.world/comment/19820197
- Gravy seals are on deck, rolling to first objective!
- whoop, didn't see your comment before i made mine.
  uh... more patrons for the buffet, i guess?

Update: Meal Team Six also sighted by residents of Chicago suburbs

Is this ai or nah. Do they train in the military? Genuine curious.
Maybe Pete Hegseth had a point?

Not hard to outrun these fat bastards

They're so fat you can outrun the bullets they fire.
Bit harder to outrun their bullets, though.

Heavy troops

LOL!!

They're so fat!

IT'S GLANDULAR!

First strategic stop: Chick-fil-A

No way, these guys are hitting up some Chicago style deep dish pizza!
- 30-count nugget platter to hold us over while we wait for the pizza to cook.
  Edit: Sorry, didn't mean "we," this is terrible. I got excited at the prospect and accidentally joined the fascist military. It just sounded good. I got carried away. I didn't mean it.

This is totally djt trying to pit GOP against Democrats, and it's much MUCH worse than burning the American flag.

O lawd they comin'

If this picture is accurate, Texas has a 80% obesity rate.

Legitimately could be underestimating it, honestly.. after all, everything is bigger in Texas!
- Except the penises. Just look at their trucks.
I don't have any stats but I'd bet that's pretty close to correct.

so they eat mcdonald all day?

They have those deployable fast food restaurants and by god they will use them.
Establishing a BBQ exchange program

Homeboy in the middle hasn’t passed weapon safety training apparently…

He also has never passed a bakery by the looks of it.

Tell me this is a joke? I am not the most fit fellow but I am an Olympic athlete compared to these guys...

Ozempic athletes.

Stop commenting on their shapes! The true cynical issue here is Divide and Conquer.

Why don't they deploy national gaurds who are from Chicago?
I'm sure there plenty of military servicemen whose origin and families from Chicago itself, that if they really cared about protecting the Chicago community.

They bring people from the most opposite polictical spectrum, from opposite views and concerns of Chigaco residents, from opposite far states to police and arrest folks they have the least connections to, to obey orders and terrorize residents without any objection or understanding!

The only reason Illinois should deploy National Guard is to march these fucks out under threat of arrest
I think part of the point isn't so much to dunk on these dudes specifically (although they're not great people for choosing to actually go so I don't feel bad for them) but rather to point out that not even a week ago Hegseth was yapping about the "ideal soldier" to a room full of men who are way more knowledgeable and qualified than he is. Meanwhile the only folks that seem to wanna actually do this shit in Chicago are less than ideal specimens by Hegseth own fucked standards.
- You don't get to choose where you go when you're a member of the military.
Pritzker should bring in the IL guard to "assist" these guys.
Same reason China didn't deploy Beijing troops to handle the students back in the day...
So they're doing another thing from High Castle, great…

It’s humorous to see following that ridiculous meeting of the generals last week.

Do we have verification of this photo? Also, I thought digi-cam fatigues were out nowadays since they're less effective than old-school camouflage.

Besides which, national guard don't usually get to choose their deployment. They're in Chicago, I assume, to pick up litter and guard federal buildings at the pleasure of their civilian commanders (up to the limits of what they're legally allowed to do). They're contemptable once they follow illegal orders and engage in state violence.

The photo is real, sadly: https://abcnews.go.com/US/texas-national-guard-headed-illinois-gov-pritzker-calls/story?id=126283676

Blart Brigade

I thought petey said no fatties allowed

hes also drunk most of the time.
- Liquid diet. Not good for marching.
- Yeah he probably forgot what he was talking about because he left his nips somewhere and he’s starting to get the shakes
probably using them as human shields, since fat people are better at absorbing bullets.
You mean Twinky Pete?

I don’t understand how they passed their pt tests?

They changed the fitness test to a chili cook off back in '07.
- O that checks out. Pete’s going to be upset that there’s nobody he would swipe right on. That’s the new military standard the grinder swipe right test
- Presented without comment
AFT (Army Feast Test)
They didn't, which gets them a small write-up or similar, I'd bet. I used to have a coworker in the national guard, and he was never worried about it.

just tip them over lmao

It's like the second half of Wall-E

They're really not punching above their weight, are they?

Punching requires them to get close enough. Why do you think they've got such a hard-on for guns? They save them from having to chase.
Who would they even punch, besides your mom (no offense)?

Woah, those McDonalds in Chicago must feel really safe now

Call of Foodies

MtnDw of Honor
- Fat Ops.
How effective do you see these epic quips being when people are being loaded onto trains?
Yall have been bleating "yall quada hur dur" for the last 10 years- amidst an unprecedented rise in right wing militias, police capability, domestic troop rollouts, right wing terror, and right wing armament. Not only is it entirely ineffective, but it shows just how little respect you've given to the very real threat of right wing terror in America. What is it? Are the right wingers weak or strong?

Hey hagseth, are these the prime specimens you speak of

You can't make this shit up, nobody would believe you.
It's like a cartoon inside a cartoon, like layers upon layers of ugly, low status stereotypes that exist for a reason.

Reserves, they been reservin'

Call of Duty predicted they will take Burgertown.

On a culinary tour of duty.

I'd genuinely be fine with that. If a bunch of shit hicks from Texas came to my city on a government subsidized tasting tour, I don't think anybody would be mad.

The new Geneva, Ohio convention has made sprinting a war crime.

It's sad how far the military standards have fallen over the last couple of decades. On the upside with shit cardio, these fat boys shouldn't be challenging to evade.

Knowing very little about the national guard in particular, I would argue that the standards are there but the enforcement isn't.
In the Navy, at least, physical training was never a serious priority except for more specialized commands. The standards were identical, but the commands where PT was emphasized were the only places where a majority of people were fit. There's way more to it than just standards.

The Fat guard.

These people look like uniformed ICE targets.

not enforcing shit lmao

Look at those treasonous fat fucks

Can't see anything.

I see only moustaches and guns floating in the air

That's going to Help TEXAS somehow!

Why does it look like previous generation generative AI, where everybody looked the same?

No idea, but it’s real: https://abcnews.go.com/US/texas-national-guard-headed-illinois-gov-pritzker-calls/story?id=126283676
- I didn't doubt it; it was just so odd.

This is a joke right? Im half that size and would be deemed too fat for service.

DEI hires

Well... I really hate to say it but...

Hegseth was right. Fat troops aren't a good look.

All these dudes look like they are going to audition for the part of Farva in the new Super Troopers movie.

🎼🎵Eatn’ gooood in your neighborhood. Sponsored by Applebee’s.

- RAMIREZ! SECURE THAT BURGER TOWN!

Guess the local stores already ran out of crayons

Why are these fat boys coming out of a moving truck?

They probably walked up and are collecting their duffle bags.

Well ain't that just a jiggly joke. I'd like to think the leaner ones objected conscientiously

I’m sure the people of Chicago will take every opportunity to thank them for their service.

A donut and a slice of pizza a day, keep the bad guys away...

To be fair, the brisket there is really good. Pretty sure you can still make out BBQ sauce stains on the corners of his mouth.

Great muzzle discipline by middle guy, let’s just keep that belly full and the rifle unloaded

If I'm running away, I want one of these stuffed sausages chasing me.

Which bait do you think will work better for keeping them at bay, a donut, a twinkie or a burger?
- Burgers are bigger, the other two are one or two bites. Burger is at least 3.

They are all porkins.

Are they using the hydraulic tray on the back of the truck to 'lower their guard'?

I just can't see them getting down any other way.

They used to have them hop out, but the loss to twisted ankles and blown out knees was about 20%, so liftgates were added, rather than fitness standards.
- I've heard a heard a number of very fit veterans bemoan that jumping out of the back of the truck looks cool in your 20s but your body already hurts in your 30s
- This is like watching Wall-e in slow motion 😞

We're a tool using species. Fat fingers can pull a trigger just the same as non-fat fingers (unless they are exceptionally fat, sure I'll give you that one).

…and when it’s time to run? Tool use didn’t stop a 400lbs gorilla from ripping you limb from limb. Dicks out for Harambe. I’m still not over it.
- Wait, did Harambe dismember an armed national guard? I was not paying attention at the time so I don't really know what the story was. Crazy!
If you mean they're a danger to everyone in the vicinity, yes absolutely.
But they'd still be a shit soldier. Lot more to combat readiness than ability to pull a trigger. (Though if the USA wants to fill its armed forces with obese people I won't complain lmao)

What do you think they register on the richter scale?

So, these guys coild do the funniest thing ever and just every time theyre given an order to protect ice, get distracted by street food. Play up the 'sorry I'm too fat to do my job, even when my job is just to stand there' card against hegseth.

They won't, but thry could. We all know Chicago is delicious.

Looks about right.

He still so fucking fat!

Sergeant Slaughter twin clones?

Anyone else immediately think of Mike from Spaced?

You seen Gary Tank Commander?
- Not my sort of thing tbh, I'm not really into soldier stuff.

“Give me some chicken, franks, and fries, and you can pass me a lettuce, Ima pass it by”

They ain't mine

That's to funny. Everyone know why.

God just from hopping out of the truck, they're hungry already.