Simple question: Are you a nice person?

I‘d say I‘m honest and loyal, not particularly nice. To me nice means diplomatic, charismatic and with low temper.

I'm balanced.

I'll help you push you car. I'll hold the door for anyone, I'll let you in, in traffic. I'll over-tip the wait staff, even the ones having a bad day. I give kids in my neighborhood freezypops when it's hot AF. I'll go out of my way to make sure your food allergy is covered and you'll have safe snacks at my gathering.

I won't give the guy begging on the corner money. I won't help you forever if you never reciprocate. You skip a paycheck, I won't wait for you to get it sorted.

I won't remember that you hate mushrooms. I won't remember your kids name or wife's face. I'll forget you birthday if it's not in my calendar. I'll tell you I need to focus on something for an hour and go take a nap.

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I'm afraid not, I've never been to France much less be familiar enough to claim to be one of them.

I like to think I am. I used to be a piece of shit, and I've worked really hard over the last 9 years to become a better person. I don't always succeed, as the old demons like to pop their heads out every now and again, but I do put forth great effort most times.

Depends. I default to being friendly, but I’m not good at it. I’m a terrible conversationalist, and what is logical to me (from my perspective) often gets misconstrued as being an asshole. It’s never my intention, but I’m awful at reading people too. I just never really took the time to learn how to… people.

I take "nice" to mean something very different than "good" or "kind". No, I am not a nice person. I am inclined to be an honest asshole over a nice liar. I try my best to be good, kind, understanding, etc., but "nice" is, in my books, more about manners than good acts or genuine understanding. And I generally feel that time and effort spent on attempting to be "nice" is much better spent on genuinely empathizing with and supporting people, even when that support isn't kind or well-mannered at a glance.

I think I just take issue with the word "nice".

I'm a pheasant plucker.

I try to be when I can muster up the courage to speak. I've always been taught to treat others like how you want to be treated and since I can't handle people yelling and screaming I try to avoid that altogether. Even if you're mean to me, I'll try to be nice or I just don't say anything.

I try to be, but don’t always hit the mark.

Fuck you mind your own business.

I try. I don't always succeed.

No. I aspire to be kind to people that need kindness, though.

I'm far too nice.

No. I am kind. I am genuine. I am not nice. I have become too tired to put on a mask anymore.

I'm a lovely person to everyone until they show me that they don't deserve it. After that, they are dead to me. Unfortunately, one of the people who has shown me that they don't deserve my time or respect is me, so i treat myself like shit. This does not work out so well for me.

75%. I have my moments, plus it's hard to stay nice when there are so many assholes in the world.

No.. In my defence...

“Nice people made the best Nazis. My mom grew up next to them. They got along, refused to make waves, looked the other way when things got ugly and focused on happier things than “politics.” They were lovely people who turned their heads as their neighbors were dragged away. You know who weren’t nice people? Resisters.”– Naomi Shulman

Simple answer: No.

I gave a quarter to a cute homeless lady once so I’d say I’m pretty nice.

Nice to a fault. I think it's because I try to be the person I always wish I would have had access to because I've never really had any support from anyone.

I'm nice to service workers. I am not nice to people on the freeway. Take from that what you will.

I try to be, but people often tell me that I sound annoyed/aggressive even when I'm trying not to be.

No.

No. But the world isn't a nice place.

No.

I am a good person with a capacity for kindness. The difference? It's not reflex.

Nice is the guy waving you through at a stop sign when it's their turn. Sure there's good intention, but seriously? No.

Hopefully, most of the time. I feel like I'm generally friendly and helpful, and compared to many people around me I feel like I don't let myself get to carried away with anger or frustration. I'm not too good at showing it though. Due to autism I feel like there's a bit of a difference between how society expects people to show friendliness and how I do it. I'm quite reserved and I usually don't randomly show up or give gifts or something. I generally don't care about my own birthday and such, and therefore I'll also not think about those things for others. I try to detect when it does matter to people, and think of something to do or give, but honestly these expectations really stress me out.

I can definitely be a bit of an asshole sometimes though. I don't like people talking nonsense. In places where it matters, like work, want direct communication, with as little weaseling around as possible. No big words, no politics. So I will be that person that asks the "rude" and difficult question if it's necessary. I'm also quite stubborn, and require strong argumentation to actually be convinced of something. I've become more aware of this, so I tend to think twice nowadays to ensure that I'm really fighting a fight worth fighting and don't let myself get carried away too much with debating minor things.

I try to treat everyone as though I might be the first drop of kindness they have seen in some time, and my mantra when I find it difficult is "be kindness"- as in, choose the kindest option available to me at the time.

THAT SAID, I would not call myself a nice person, and if I was asked this I would elaborate that I try to be kind. I've known a handful of people who call themselves nice and I've been disappointed in their lack of patience and grace for others. Nice people don't need to say they're nice.

Honestly, dude. I would watch out for anyone who call themselves "nice".

i want and try to be but i don't succeed every day. i hate thinking about those times when i don't succeed, but being mindful of those times is a big part of what i can do to succeed more often.

I'm a mirror. if you're nice to me, I'm nice to you. if not, well...

I'm trying my best but I don't think so. I can be very insensitive without me knowing it.

Absolutely not. I’m rude to people (just check my post history) and often passive aggressive. I have little patience for people and am often not in a good mood. I don’t help people much and don’t get any pleasure out of it. To me, there is always a 50/50 chance the next person I see/meet may try and hurt or kill me at any moment so I am always on the lookout.

So far, so good. But no, I would never classify me as a good person by any metric.

A lot of people in this thread appear to be pretty hard on themselves. There seems to be a trend of people who want to be nice, are trying to be nice, but don't see themselves as nice. If that sounds like you, then I've got some good news for you:

You are a nice person.

If you're sincerely making the effort to be a better person then that's admirable. Self improvement is hard. Too often people are quick to judge based on the result of your actions rather than the effort that's put into them. To put it another way, we judge people by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions.

Treat yourself to the niceness that you're trying to show to other people. You're doing the best you can. You're trying to be a nicer person which means you're trying to grow. From tiny seedlings grow mighty oaks, and the seedling shouldn't be shamed for starting its journey. Rather, it should be encouraged to keep growing.

If you find it difficult to be nice, but you're trying to be a nice person, I'd say that's a lot nicer than being the person who dismisses another for not being 'nice' enough.

Only to those deserving.

I try my hardest to be a nice person, but I don't really think I am nice person

I think I am. I think I'm nicer than most people (cringing at myself for saying that but I can't think of a humbler way to phrase it while still being honest).

I don't think I am, I often regret things I say or do. Even little things.

Depends on my mood. If I’m feeling good I’m usually pretty nice, but if I’m hangry then I get not-nice.

no. but i try to forgive myself for not taking the opportunity. imo, it is a skill that forms through a lot of interactions. a form of rizz. and to me, it doesn't come as natural.

I'm not even a person.

75%

My emotions and instincts can be assholes, but I choose to be a good person. So the answer really depends on how much you weigh my instantaneous reaction to an emotional situation vs after my rational brain kicks in and I remember that everything that angers or disappoints me wasn't done for the sole purpose of ruining my day. Oh and little stuff pisses me off way more than big stuff.

I wish I was a better person, but I think I'm alright most of the time.

I'm anxious and avoidant and opportunistic. I try to make up for it when I feel able to.

I get told I'm one of the nicest and most polite people they've met, so I think there is something to it... I try my best to be friendly and helpful to people, and treat people how I want to be treated! 🤗

I don't love this question.

I spent a huge chunk of my life putting so much focus into being "nice" that some friends sremovedd about me being "a doormat".

Also? The word "nice" has so many soft negative connotations in 2024.

Subtext: if you're "nice" you're fundamentally un-interesting Subtext: if you're "nice" you're a push over and ripe to be taken advantage of.

GOOD person? MORAL person? OK.

Nice? Asking anyone to attribute this to themselves is a foot gun.

I am very laid back (my Dad always said I was nearly horizontal) and I never get angry, I rarely even get flustered or impatient. My Dad was a very good man and I try to follow his example as much as possible. As his health declined and I started caring for him (a real privilege as he helped so many it was only just that he got help in return when he needed it, even if it couldn't possibly fully pay him back) and, as I picked up some of his slack I did wonder where he found the time or energy. Since he died, I have felt like a sheepdog without a flock and have found myself adopting various people - I helped a friend through her cancer journey and her son start university, I took another friend to hospital sufficiently often that she just told the staff I was her "hospital husband" (which did stop them asking questions, usually with a roll of the eyes) and, as I don't drink, I ferry people home from the pub.

However, I can be... thoughtless and this can be really annoying, especially to the easily angered - I've lost a friend over it and my brother isn't exactly my greatest fan (the other year, my niece asked if I wanted to know all the nasty things my brother said about me and I declined - if we knew what people thought about us, we'd tear each other apart). I can also be rude to people but just where it's funny, you just have to know your audience (it can appal any bystanders though). I'm also not very emotionally expressive and I suspect at least one friend thinks I'm a sociopath.

So am I nice? Although it might depend on who you ask, I'd say no. However, I try to do as much good as possible - if anyone needs help, I'll drop what I'm doing and pitch in.

Most the time, but not all the time.

I'm not a nice person. I'm not a kind person. I'm not even a good person. I try to be all of those things and sometimes it feels like a struggle. I don't think I'm evil or a total asshole or a sociopath or something. I just think it a metric we have to constantly check-in on and adjust. I don't really trust people that think of themselves as nice, kind, or good. I don't think I really agree with those people about what it really means to be nice, kind, or good. For example, I do believe the song got it right, sometimes you do need to be cruel to be kind in the right measure.

Variably. I am not, however, necessarily a good person either. It depends on the context.

No. I know people who are genuinely nice, and I don't compare to that. I am, for the most part, trying to be a very relaxed person though, and my benign apathy has sometimes been described as "nice".

My students always say I am. They seem so confused when they find out their actions still have consequences in my classroom.

Irl, yes. Extremely so. I tend to be prickly online because, frankly, anonymous communication generally causes people to be assholes.

That said, I'm only a dick when someone else is being a dick first.

https://www.flamewarriorsguide.com

I can be, but am not always. I actually find niceness to be a highly overvalued character trait. Some of the most back stabbing, manipulative, wishy washy, fake people I have ever known were incredibly nice. In fact, they used their niceness as a shield and mask for their awful character traits. Took a long time to realize that niceness is not so important. Far more important are loyalty, reliability, willingness to admit fault, willingness to listen, and so on. Niceness is just basic human civility. I don't care how nice you are if you are a manipulative and fake.

not always :(

I try to be, but I don't rule out there may be aspects of the definition that go over my head. For example, there was a time when I was more known for giving to those in need than I'm known for now, but there were critics of mine who saw this and would accuse me of "buying over my friends with gifts". These same people often ask if I see people as pawns because I exchange favors with them, ask if I "think flattery is okay" during the times when I was more known for complimenting others, and criticize me over a combination things I've long made up for, things that normally wouldn't be seen as problematic, and unproven things. I guess I have a lot of everyday pharisees in life who make me think of this question a lot and that this is fresh in my mind. I don't stop people from wanting to explain how I'm not nice though, I just want to understand (within reason, I am my own human).

no

Nope. I actually never want to be described as nice.

Fair, though? Yes, I would like to think that I am fair.

I don't care about being "nice," I try very hard to be good and sometimes that comes off as "nice," but generally being good improves my life, the life of my loved ones, the life of my community, and sometimes even the world, if only very little.

Evil people can be nice too, is the problem.

Kind. I try to be a kind person. Sometimes I fail. Too many people argue the being "nice" is merely a superficial term.

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In person to people i dont know or dont hate I'm nice in my intent and my actions but I am sometimes mean in communication unintentionally and intentionally.

On the internet it's different. Because on the internet I am often interacting with people I will never meet or never properly form a relationship with nor will they impact my relationships with other people I tend to assign less value to being nice. I don't go out of my way to be nasty but I'll be disrespectful and condescending if the conversation goes there. But I real life I would take a kill em with kindness strategy instead of rolling in the mud.

no

Depends what you mean by "nice". Nice as in "genuinely good" person, or nice as a "nice behavior towards others"? There's a difference, because in the latter one, it can involve not being honest, just so you can appear "nice". So I'm not "nicely socially behaving" most of the time, I'm instead hammering with facts (without being aggressive). My underlying reason for being like that is because: 1. I'm not diplomatic at all, I wasn't born with that gene it seems, 2. I don't believe I help the situation if I just be nice for the sake of being nice. I feel more useful when I'm straight up, clear as water, without being combative or aggressive. If that makes me not nice because I'm not sugarcoating with socially expected bullshit, then I'm not nice. If that makes me nice because I try to help and my intent is pure, then sure, I'm nice.

Yes. I am. At least nice to people who are also nice to me.

I'd like to think so, most of the time.

But one of the important lesson I learned is that you can't be too nice at work, you have to put your foot down sometimes, otherwise people would just walk all over you and nothing gets done.

I don't like it, but it is what it is.

I can be.

Yes, I try to be. I can't be an asshole, I feel really bad about it. I have had to be the cruel person and the liar a handful of times, and I hate to do it. But it is what it is. I look at someone like Elon Musk as the embodiment of a "terrible person" and do the opposite of him.

I am definitely not a narcissist, I am definitely not self-centered, and I am definitely not cruel.

only on tuesday

I think I'm nice. I care, look out for others, and try to be considerate.

I do nice things for other people when I'm up to it, but I hesitate to call myself a 'nice person' because niceness isn't necessarily an intrinsic quality, in the same way that I can be a transient dumbass at times without thinking of myself as an idiot.

I used to be nice, then a guy in a bucket hat stood in front of me at a concert.

No. I can be kind but I am not nice.

Nah I'm not nice though I am considerate. I'm not socially... apt.. but I know how to act.

I like to think so. I put a lot of effort into trying to be someone I would want to be friends with, and there are times I slip up of course, but generally I think of myself as someone who is nice.

I have some very serious mood swings. Generally, I'm pretty nice. But if I'm in a bad mood, I turn into a very rude person.

Wow, I really need therapy, don't I?

Nope. I'm thinking of taking acting classes or something because I try to be nice and it doesn't come across that way at all.

Other people seem to think so, but I am not any nicer on the outside than on the inside, not unfailingly polite and certainly get defensive sometimes.

So I am going to say yes because what's on the outside is what I feel in the inside, and people think I am nice.

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I try to be the best person I can be.

Not often.

Nope, i got tired of always being taken advantage of so I just stopped letting people and don't care if I'm not nice anymore.

I try not to be but sometimes I can't help myself.

Not really. I used to be. But being nice has screwed me so much in my life because of being taken advantage of and not being respected that I have no interest in being nice to others anymore, at least by default. I am polite when meeting a new person, but I am skeptical of them until they prove they are worth me being truly nice to them. All I ask of people is some level of reciprocation when they're able to reciprocate (even a "thank you" is usually enough for me) -- but that very rarely happens.

I think I am. I try not to be mean or insensitive, and I try to only say good things about people. But I sometimes worry if I come across as trying too hard. And sometimes I think my blunt, cynical sense of humour doesn't really land.

My definition: having personality similar to Ned Flanders.

Nope.

Everyone claiming to be nice is living a lie and ignoring that everything everyone does ever is essentially motivated by their own self-interests.

Recognizing that makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with people and avoid buying into the forced bullshit that attempts to force itself into every aspect of life.

I have a different take: I try to not be an unpleasant person.

I suffer from a particularly nasty Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s. High-functioning, yes. But it’s still a non-trivial level of neurological fuckery. This means that my social actions and reactions are… different. Sometimes they deviate significantly from the socially accepted baseline. So to be “nice”? What is nice? How to categorize that, measure that, evaluate that? “Nice” could be different for each person I come across.

So to avoid driving myself crazy, I have flipped things and simply concentrated on not being an unpleasant person. To not be rude, not disrespectful, not frightening or combative or creepy. It ends up being a little easier to categorize, define, and measure in that regard, because it involves not doing something instead of doing something. It is avoiding a baseline instead of trying to meet it.

I'm not a bad person. That's all I really care about.

I believe I'm reasonable (most people would believe this of themselves though). I try to be a respectful person. IDK about "nice" though. I would classify one of my friends as a genuinely wholesome and nice person, whom I envy and look up too. The deficiency between him and myself is why I probably wouldn't consider myself nice. I hold myself to the standard that I see from him and I'm not there.

I am very nice. I could probably be kinder, but I think if I was I'd be letting myself get walked on and stuff, so I don't think it's all that good to be too polite.

I like to think I am.

I’m not a “nice guy”.

I think so. I'm kind and caring, I have really great friends who wouldn't be if I wasn't also a genuinely good person.

I haven't always been but I always tried to be. For a long time I was really chaotic and had some personal issues that made it hard for me to like actually follow through with it. But I worked on myself a lot and I continue to. I still fuck up and I'm sure there's people who think I'm a dick. But for the most part I'm a nice, kind person

Definitely not

No.

I'd say I'm optimistic, hopeful, and we'll intentioned but it's been many a year since I've felt "nice". Something shifted in society during the Covid era and I just feel awful going out of my way for most people these days. Very much in the "every person for themselves" category.

I try to be. Don’t always succeed, never recognize when I do, but try so hard my wife makes me stop martyring myself for others

Yes