Games rule

Being a massive slut! That futa cock isn’t there for nothing

Rolling up the contents of a town into a big, sticky ball.

I've been playing Paradox games, so I'm probably going straight to the Hague and deserving it

Bringing democracy to the wider galaxy.

Placing a billion conveyor belts, strip mining a planet with no regard to the pollution I caused, and full scale genocide against the native bugs who already lived there.

Sorry, biters, I gotta launch my rocket.

Beating wild animals into submission, capturing them and putting them to work in a shack I built in the woods.

Trafficking humans, putting them in tiny 1x1m cages where they cannot sit, force them to do cheap labour, separate their children at birth, and kill them if they are too expensive...

Fuck I love Minecraft!

Fishing

I didn't realise our poaching laws were that severe

Poluting the environment with my selfbuild automated factorys and thus enrage the local bug population (wich i sadly now have to nuke)

I picked a bad time to close a porn game.

Spreading democracy for the glory of Super Earth!

Building a miles-long cobblestone road through mountains and over frozen rivers to a farming village from my house on a snowy plain then entering peoples homes while they sleep and cleaning them out of any food and valuables. Also crop theft.

And maybe pushing that wild pig into my fenced in pasture from the mountainside because I didn't have any carrots to lure him in willingly.

Building a house in the woods without planning permission.

Strip mining a planet, refining raw materials, building factories, and researching new technology. All to build a rocket to get off said planet.

Turning the universe into paperclips

Osha violations (Portal 2)

Assault, battery, torture, stalking, breaking & entering, trespassing, destruction of property, illegal search & seizure, tampering with evidence, aiding & abetting, reckless driving, speeding, operation of an unlicensed vehicle, unlawful interception, child endangerment, unlawful imprisonment, conspiracy, and, of course, vigilantism

But absolutely zero murder

Killing thousands of mortally challenged, including a few with a chainsaw.

I’m probably not who you were hoping to reach with this meme lol

Warframe Makes the Geneva convention a grocery list.

Food was very sparce so I had to butcher the last prisoner we had. And we didnt even get much meat, he was missing both legs and an arm from the raid he came with.

Impersonating a defense attorney.

KILLING BUGS AND ROBOTS FOR DEMOCRACY!!! HAIL SUPER EARTH!!!

I was merging different colored jellies. It's actually pretty relaxing lol

Spreading democracy

Probably for driving truck into car while being drunk. (the former in game, letter in RL).

Sweats in Stellaris

Rocking and stoning

Not paying for the resources that I collected to survive while crash landed on an alien planet.

Building a house...seems fitting.

Ecological warfare on a planet-wide scale

The last game I played was Insurgency, and I was playing as the "Security" side, so I'm golden. I could commit genocide and they wouldn't fucking touch my ass.

FOR SUPER EARTH!

Spreading Managed Democracy.

Mining rocks and killing bugs. Hey we all gotta make a living

I will be protecting and distributing managed democracy across the galaxy.

Calling in a 500kg bomb to kill a few bugs.

Attempting to win at poker with a collection of rocks, glass and, cards I have doodled on.

I may have harvested my beets a little late.

Eradicating an entire species of bugs

i built a fortress for dwarves to brew and prosper inside

Arson, murder, murder, murder, vigilantism, murder, arson, environmental damage, arson, murder, possible war crimes (Fallout 76 doesn't really have laws I suppose), murder...

Id get a medal for defending democracy.

Having six throwing stars and a shitload of buffs... as a potato

Dispensing Freedom.

Building without a permit

Democracy (it was helldivers)

Abandoning my post in defense of Super Earth. I am sorry, Democracy.

Public inebriation, disturbing the peace

(Rock and Stone ⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️)

Having eleven kings in one poker hand.

Capturing and enslaving weird magic animals

Loving Managed Democracy too hard

Rotting in a Shinra prison for bombing a Mako reactor. In my defense, the new explosion graphics were great.

Climbing a mountain but dying too much along the way. Like a little too much.

I didn't get arrested, because I suffer from a knee injury and my adventures have ended

Falcon punching Pikachu.

Tax Fraud.

Possession of psychite with intention to distribute

and like, at least 3 or 4 warcrimes, but whose counting

Stealing villager's beds.

Unlicensed space travel

Unauthorized orbital rocket launches.

Supporting democracy!

I guess I'll be getting arrested for helping people build a village.

Murdering tens of thousands of natives in North America to build plantations to make money to build factories in England.

I think this is the kind of violence history books often frame as the "unfortunate side of progress", so I guess it's okay ¯(ツ)_/¯

Driving a giant tractor with a trailer full of soybeans the wrong way around a roundabout to deliver the soybeans to the grocery store.

Disregarding all Osha violations, colonizing a planet and killing all natural life.

damm I love factorio

Using obscene amounts of violence to protect freedom and democracy across the galaxy.

Been playing Dorfromantik so building quaint, idyllic villages with expansive forests and streams.

Elden Ring... soo.. lots of murder

Forcing thousands of grandmother's into endless work. Destroying ecosystems. Ravaging planets. Ending light itself. Enslaving Gods. And eliminating every parallel world in existence. All to make cookies. More and more. On and on and on. Universes of cookies more numerous than atoms in the cosmos.

But I'm almost done.

Throwing a stick of dynamite into the middle of a kkk meeting outside of Rhodes. Sorry, not sorry.

PC: Politely asking for and engaging in street fights with random strangers.

Mobile: Baking cookies

Web: Making paperclips

Failing to properly evacuate the city during a Tsunami because its easier just to clean up afterwards (Cities Skylines).

Genocide

Forcing a dragon to fuck a bear?

Gambling fraud. I keep playing 5 of a kind Flush in Balanto and it keeps working!

climbing a mountain and curing my depression

Being too homosexual.

FFXIV

Space mining.

Running a 75 ton Timberwolf Battlemech.

Pretty sure just turning the thing on would be enough to get me arrested. Civilians typically aren't allowed Surface To Surface missiles, and megawatt power lasers that are effective weapons at a range of over 1000m.

I'll have a 100 ton Madcat 2 soon.

Being an ex yakuza

Starting a cult and working people to death so that I have infinite money without having to do anything.

Edit: before you ask, no, it's not Rimworld or Cult of the Lamb

Edit 2: I wonder if anyone can guess the game

Edit 3 since it's been about 12hrs and no one guessed, it's The Sims.

I'd probably be done in for EPA violations (Satisfactory).

Demolishing robots with a magnetic guitar-sword in beat with my rock playlist that plays in my heart.🤘

RimWorld... I'm not the type for cannibalism or human skin hats, but I do produce and sell a shitload of cocaine.

Oh, and I killed a child colonist, in this run. There was a bug in her age-up event, and the game would not let me proceed until she was... removed. I hate killing children, but since it was the end of the world without doing so, I give myself a pass this time

For yelling too loud.

Statement of an observing police officer:

They say ToxicWaste murdered that Salesman... with his voice! Shouted him apart!

War crimes.

Idk...Being a good lawyer? I was just playing The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles

Crushing LEGO villains and collecting silver, gold, and purple studs.

Driving a Trabant through the desert. Occasionally shooting rabid bunnies.

Gunning down helpess mutants, raiders, and scavengers who happen to cross my path in a nuclear wasteland. I think I might get the chair for mass genocide.

Destroying a planet solely to exterminate an invasive species in order to thwart the plans of a space pirate organization who were planning on leveraging the powers of said invasive species for nefarious purposes.

At least I saved the animals.

Rolling a ball that, through exponential growth, eventually starts to swallow up the likes of skyscrapers, clouds, Godzilla, and the planets of the galaxy.

Uh...is travelling through time and mass exterminating purple lovecraftian monsters with my pet bird a crime? Because if not, I got nothin

Driving a truck without a license and transporting goods incorrectly declared (Euro Truck Simulator 2)

Mass murdering animals.

Doing 95mp/h in a semi down the shoulder of a highway in Colorado.

Going a-víking and dismembering "a few" Englishmen...

Killing Nazis

Good thing I don’t have to worry about that ever happening IRL…

MarioKart so hit and run or throwing things at other cars

Assisting a vampire in plotting and then carrying out the murder of her father.

Murdering wildlife and blowing up planets.

Shooting myself in the head with a very realistic looking toy gun-- repeatedly (?)

Playing cards...? It was solitaire 😅

Trespassing - have to catch that pokemon for Pokemon Go.

Graveyard Keeper.

I don't even know. An absurd amount of mishandling and experimenting on corpses.

mass killing of scribble spiders? idk

Rimworld players:

Polluting and extracting every raw resource for my own benefit, mindlessly destroying the native alien population as they attempt to stop my destruction of their land.

Spreading Managed Democracy, whether they want it or not!

Forging a committed relationship with Shadowheart.

Sonic Adventure

property damage
animal abduction
petty theft
fishing without a license
treasure hunting without a license.

I’m not sure I’m getting arrested. Me and a team of mercenaries were fighting another team of mercenaries over suitcases of intelligence. Seems like a state of war.

Trying to commit a hostile takeover by having my company's employees fistfight their company's employees in the town square.

Last game I've played was egg, inc. It's a mobile idle "numbers go up" game.. There's nothing overtly criminal, so probably tax evasion or something on my trevigintillion bocks.

For apprehending or killing terrorists, and defusing their bombs in a hospital terror attack

Nothing because no one's alive anymore - gtfo Animal abuse and slavery - Palworld

Playing poker with a non-standard deck.

Killing mr house

Killing hundreds of zombies, skeletons, creepers, and Illagers, not so I can save the villagers they wrongly imprisoned, but so I can get that one specific gilded sword.

I am getting called a hero! Other than that orbital strike I called down on my entire squad….

literally what is there to say about geometry dash, it's a fucking square

Legend of Zelda, maybe somebody finally had enough of me smashing all their pots and cutting all their grass. I don't think those monsters are calling the cops for all the murder, they always seem to pop right back anyway.

not slaying the princess I guess.

removing the stairs on the pool, and let my sims cant get ou tof the pool till they die (the sims)

Murdering zombies with plants.

One could say it's zombies vs. plants!

brutal organ harvesting using exclusively medicinal plants, followed by cannibalism

Killing the queen (chess)

Making my government into an expansionist empire and leading its armies with a bit too much detail.

Destruction of property and I guess kidnapping by rolling everything in earth into a giant ball

Violation of aviation laws, murder, unlicenced posession of high explosives, and initiation of murderous chicken attacks. (TOTK)

Driving my rocket powered car into someone so they explode. What a save.

definately animal abuse.
i put 25 cows into a 1m² pen.

Either terrorism or impersonating a counter terrorism officer

Throwing bombs from my go-cart at other people on go-carts does sound rather reckless!

Heresy. Warhammer 40k Rogue Trader.

Breaking and entering, vandalism (not my fault, ghosts are dicks), and possibly framed for murder (again, ghosts are dicks).

Vehicular manslaughter, hit and run, and god only knows how many illegal car modifications

Blasting a bunch of bad guys in Rainbow 6: SMOL…

Guilty of killing a prince that had become to become a giant toad due to a curse.

(Witcher 3)

I won't be arrested at all, as I have been spreading the glory of Managed Democracy across the galaxy.

reckless driving

Blackmail. You can have your "shorts" back after I win first place at the town fair.

Intergalactic genocide

Solving puzzles as a robot (Talos Principle 2). That's probably illegal in Alabama (using your brain and not having a human body).

Aiding a cartel in smuggling illicit goods

Repeatedly murdering the same small group of heroic individuals on ritual meat hooks at the direction of an eldritch being

Growing produce and processing various materials down into oxygen.

Driving my mostly broken car badly as the door pops open when I shift into drive.

Punching trees

Caving a green wyvern skull in with my big hammer that I made of the bones and flesh of another

Aggressively realistic HEMA reenactments

Obliterating the natural resources of a small island for a couple of golden walnuts

Time travel and monster slaying? Also, staging a coup against the immortal emperor.

Shooting people with ink until they explode violently

Digging out of the holy mountain. Not much of an arrest tho, Steve has orders to shoot on sight

Stacking blocks and clearing lines.

I haven't played any games for quite a while. I don't remember...

Stopping some guys who are Definitely Not Team Rocket from harassing and capturing some creatures that are Definitely Not Pokemon.

Highly unsafe shipbuilding practices (Spiritfarer)

Building code violations (Minecraft)

I beat up a gang of criminals as twinkified pinnoccio

Locking my child in a chest in the basement until he dies

Sneaking into a hotel room to steal cutting edge military tech with a terrorist conscious locked inside of it from the rebellious son of a CEO who had already stolen it from his own father's company to sell to his fathers competitors..

...also I was wrongfully accused of the resulting patricide when the CEO confronted his son regarding the stolen tech.

I don't know... Majonging?

Using remote control toy cars to crush children’s dreams. And being bad at Karaoke.

Murder of two mercenary teams using arrow carts, balistas and magic weapons while they siege my castle with catapults and trebuchets (World vs World mode of Guild Wars 2).

Do porn games on an old android count?

Unlawful harvesting of jellyfish? Dave the Diver.

Throwing darts at balloons

Building without a permit

Various Building code violations, possession of dangerous chemicals, Code violations concerning nuclear reactors, unauthorized mining. Possibly poaching wildlife. Minecraft: All The Mods 9. I'm not very far into it yet, so there's probably a lot of stuff coming on top of that soon.

Inappropriate construction of a factory.

(Satisfactory)

Delivering pizzas (Death Stranding)

Building a self sustainable underwater home, and not paying taxes on said home.

Assault, rape and public indecency on the very last game I played.

Before such particular game, I'd be arrested for animal cruelty, illegal possession of unregistered firearms, murder, trespassing, drug fabrication, violation of every architectural/engineering rule/standard, building without a permit on land I don't own, slavery and human trafficking.

Illegal construction (Minecraft)

Pounding enemy cities into submission with catapults.

Cheating at Poker

Forcefully mutating innocent larvae to bee larvae and silkworms and forcing them to work for me indefinitely while I ship off the fruits of their labour and cash in those sweet, sweet Terra Tokens.

Screw those critters, I terraformed this planet, gave them life and I'll most certainly make sure to exploit every single one of them. My only regret is not being able to lick all the neon coloured frogs, that should give a nice trip.

Okay, perhaps I should cut down on my Planet Crafter time..

Playing pinball and saving the planet from Martians. Pinball is and was against the law in some places.

A wee bit of terrorism

Shedding my flesh for immortal powers over my undead companions

I guess I'll be arrested for trying to resist the Absolute.

Trespassing (minecraft parkour)

I feel like having a 2x2m hole with so many sheep that hundreds of them died of suffocation titled "turtle killing machine" on a beach with thousands of turtles breaks a few laws

Animal abuse

Destruction of the afterlife but not the trademarked one the one inside Arasaka NC HQ.

Illegal gambling

Driving rally under controlled circumstances with closed roads and guards etc. But I'm completing my laps at such mediocre times I deserve jail time I suppose?

I feel like answering this might put me on a watchlist

Unsure what the law has to say about murder when the targets are the denizens of Hell. Or if earth laws even apply in Hell.

Assault and battery, serial murder or at least manslaughter I guess, arson, theft, looting ancient burial sites, hunting endangered species, regicide, trespassing, making rude gestures at a a dog.

I was doing a renegade run of Mass Effect, so I guess I'm being tried in The Hague.

It's a whole list:

Illegal biological experiments
Biological warfare
Grave robbing
Booby trapping graveyards
Kidnapping
Torture

Illegally occupying the Chernobyl exclusion zone and selling the anomalous artifacts within.

Running someone over with a train (Factorio)

Building factories on planets I am not supposed to be on

For robot crimes. I beat the shit out of a flaming puppet working in a smelter area.

Not being owned by a corporation, working with a "terrorists".

Walking without a torch in Rattay at night

killing zealots

Divinity 2, so probably for being God 2 or something

Intentionally getting several Kerbals stranded on another planet.

Purging heretic with bolters, flamers and chainswords!

Murdering cultists and monsters while traveling through time, all while trying to save reality from the void. Hopefully the Hague will give me a pass on all the murder, even if it doesn't exist in my timeline.

Constructing a wood and stone platform in a void world without a permit. Surely that's only worth a fine and a warning.

I may also have stabbed one or two uh, dozen, orcs in my dark room.

Is pulling a previously used cryosphere through a temporal rift before it is used a crime?

Killing gods

Covering up the sun (Dyson sphere program)

Stopping criminal acts by means of self-righteous extreme violence, and littering the streets of the city with the bodies of almost dead criminals

Hunting a rich person (Astarion's questline)

Abuse of hypertube technology to make cannons

Overthrowing a mega corporation

Stealing a hacking device from a construction site and then using that hacking device to steal some money after trespassing onto private property.

Genocide of an entire species through starvation because ghosts told me to, as well as US-tier urban planning. (Against the Storm)

Animal fighting for money

For mining the ground of all minerals and killing too many loot bugs.

Dropping high explosives on civilians. (Helldivers 2)

Violation of the genva convention.

Killing huge beasts and dinosaurs and using their skin like armor.

Being distracted by a live stream while cutting people off, speeding, running red lights and ignoring police roadblocks while driving a lorry from Spain through the UK to France

Starting a cult.

(roblox flee the facility) freezing people in tubes and violence

Dying approximately 4,000 times while trying to climb a mountain to collect a single strawberry. (Worth.)

Winning the treble with Spurs

Can’t catch me if I’m 5 parallel dimensions ahead of them! (5D chess with multiverse time travel)

Killing the entire population of Mos Eisley Cantina and destroying all its property for studs.

Alright, this is probably the largest thread I've seen on lemmy since the snoopoclypse, so y'all enjoy video games eh?

Buying zyme from a dealer, then murdering that dealer for not giving me information on the NSF

Spreading managed Democracy in Helldivers 2 o7 Liberty comes in 500 Kg doses.

Stomping a corpse of all limbs and head.

Dead Space

freecell is a card game and it's not even the gambling type... wtf do I do now???

Nuking Pasagardae

Looking for a bunch of cats with a help of a time machine

Starting a space weed business with the funds I received by committing state-sanctioned genocide, and starting the chain of events that culminates with the destruction of a very big halo (no, not that one)

Leading an armed group of mercenaries who go pillaging across the countryside.

Treaspassing, genocide, possession of weapons, robbery, maybe even invasion of dreams? Not sure if the last one is a law. Oh and killing royalty as well. Also took part in an underground fighting rink, so perhaps battery.

Edit: forgot to mention first and second degree murders. Silly me

Barding too hard. In every sense you can interpret that.

Trafficking rare animals, and of course cockfighting.

Lots of murdering but I have one of the queens’ full endorsement after her sister tried to stage a coup.

... what crime are you getting arrested for?

all of them

Excessive use of portable mini nukes?

Speeding (STK)

Either saving the universe from Twitter, or doing a silly dance, depending on the hour.

Driving semi trucks through mud pits that the game has the gaul to refer to as roads.

Killing Void Creatures by invoking the power of thunderstorms.

Thinking about it, probably either an illegal rave party or an illegal epilepsy test

(storm totem shaman in Last Epoch)

vandalism i think? (splatoon 3)

Blowing up a shark

jumbling up a normal deck of cards with a tarot deck and slowly sorting it out myself while counting

(Balatro)

The last game I played was Persona 3, so.... attempted suicide?

Spreading managed democracy.

Using plasma arrows within city limits.

Traspassing with a car thru an exclusion zone.

Poaching and illegal animal trade. With some slavery on the side.

arrested for photographing some abandoned urban environments 😅

honestly that doesn't seem too much of a stretch

Game was Interior Worlds btw for any interested.

World of Tanks, seems legal enough honestly. Maybe destruction of property as I like to knock over trees for fun?

Killing zombies to keep the world safe for democracy

Funny enough the characters go to jail at the end for knowing too much so uh... Fuck...

Building without a permit.

For fighting for a world in which people can live and die on their own terms, no matter their upbringing. Wait, that's just real life.. getting arrested for fighting for freedom.

Founder, help us.

Cheating at poker I guess?

Carrying a prop gun to shoot myself and summon demons.

Killing 300,000 Batarins with an asteroid

Uhh... Modded Minecraft... Idk lol

Dropping a 500 kg bomb on 3 of my my friends (helldivers)

Ah shit I just virus bombed a planet.

war crimes. Played hoi4 as Yugoslavia. Beat Bulgaria, Italy and France in 2 hours.

Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary, the definitions blurred. If I’m to choose between one evil and another, I’d rather not choose at all.

If killing monsters for coin is wrong then I don’t wanna be right.

going over double the highway speed limit with a fully loader semi-truck

Necromancy

Rebellion against an unsustainable government

aggressive spelling

Illegal Gambling

Stealing bison poop I guess

Traveling with my 7 friends in order to stop the rise of a dark god.

blowing up my neighbourhood by failing to defuse a landmine

Impersonating a cultist with conspiracy to commit mass murder. (Of the cultists)

It's okay though, we're adventurers!

Baldur's Gate 3

Helping depressed people? Sounds about right

Touching paintings.

Stacking up colorful bricks

Taiko no Tatsujin: Rythem Festival... Guess I'm getting arrested for playing taiko in the streets to try and whip up excitement so I can get invited to the big tournament at that the Thunder Shrine?

[edit] Or getting arrested for eating another drum's food

Opening a gate to"the abyss" because I'm tired of doing menial task.

Graffiti, murder, and other squid related activities

pollution, destruction of nature, illegal mining operations, destruction of property, stealing and animal abuse

Absolutely sucking at sauerbraten insta ctf

Yeeting a fusion reactor into a space dumpster (Hardspace Ship breaker)

Killing the australian wildlife to please my villagers and digging up the whole place for shiny discs and amber. (Dinkum)

I control a giant dinosaur cyborg that shoots nukes out of its chest.

speeding in super tux kart

Taking justice into my own hands by stealing the twisted desires of criminals

vampirsm

Delivering packages, and running away from creeps trying to steal my packages.

Building an army of futuristic battle robots and an artillery cannon and shooting a likewise enemy army to smithereens

For hacking every server in the world and making quadrillions

rape

Robbing a stagecoach.

Defending a log cabin from monstrous cannibals with my friends on a remote island we explore with highly unsafe electric monowheels.