Your username has suddenly become your only means of staying alive. How bad is it?

No shit, Sherlock

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

Oh dear.

I dont like this game

Finally, my time to shine.

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

I’m just confused

I'd say pretty fucked, one way or another.

Neonazi skinheads have plenty of idiots to grift nowadays. Plus there's always meth. You'll be fine.
- That is totally not the direction I was going...

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

Pretty sure my time would be up.

I like my odds

I planned for this exact scenario

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

Matlock the Warlock.

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

The cure is worse than the disease.

I have food and transport, I think I'll be ok.

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

Truly the best unlife.

It’s great.

It’s the choice of a new generation.

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

Well considering I only learnt to drive automatic, it’s not looking good.

Guess Im poopin.

Pretty good I think!

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

You seem like the kinda person who sees the glass half full, even when it’s completely empty

I have meat at least

I guess something is better than nothing.

Well, I guess I will be up all day and night.

I'm used to it.

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

I'm in GREAT shape. :D

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

Can i manifest it as a super power?

Not happy about this, but present

I cast spells

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

Nope, always feel 20. At least you never get demensia

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

I'm pretty happy.

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

I'm... uhh. I think I'm screwed here.

Well, coffee is essential. It's just more on the nose now.

Maybe I can try to convince people to put me in charge

It's me or the other guy

Oh fuck.

Kawaii imouto looks up with puppy eyes

Looks like I'm drinking my way out of this. Who wants a brewski?

I'll be right there with you.

I can't think of anything more metal than subsisting on arsenic, lead, and belladonna mixtures.

I mean... I'm a pope and a king. I think I'll be alright.

At least I’ll be fed

I am the person who should have died at every turn, but somehow being the only one that lives to the end, I imagine.

or I die by licking a diseased corpse.

So, hard to tell if its good or bad.

May very well go up in flames, is how bad.

Not too bad,

I didn't choose the chug life, the chug life choo-choo chose me!

(And it's got a picture of a train!)

I'm in command but my crew had BETTER stay on my good side.

Not nice

Depends on which one it is, one of them is significantly more helpful than the other.

I'll be OK.

I feel pretty safe

I'll survive for a little bit but I will almost certainly be the cause of my own death.

....... Ohhh.......

...... Ohhhh nooooo........

(unless it doesn't have to be literal if I can get a job voicing Facebones let's fuckin gooooo)

Uhhhh...

Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on, there’s plenty in the pot. Go on, have a cup of tea, so. Go on! Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on ….

Not bad at all.

Another day on the job, comrades

I have to either rob or digitally pleasure someone named Cooper

Time to stab Polyphemus in the eye and get outta this cave, I reckon.

I guess I'm a black rabbit now. Could be worse.

I spelt mine wrong.

Si vous dites mon nom, vous comprendrez.

Mais qu’est-ce que c’est?
- Oui! Exactement!

I think it'll be okay come night time.

Not so bad

Welp, time to change my diet, as if they didn't have it rough already by being lonely. Sorry little dudes

I think I'll be ok.

I'm gonna have what plants crave.

For fuck sakes, can we not do this on Lemmy

This is not how I expected to get a degree in arachnology

Oh I'll be "Stayin' alive," alright.

Very bad. I'll I've got is a really gross bagel

I gotta eat pineapples

It's bad.

Guess I'm setting fire to a lot of robots ¯(ツ)_/¯

I sell tea, as 418 is a teapot, so I'd say not so bad

I'm in luck! 😁

Suing beverage companies for having severed toes inside

could be worse

I certainly wont be starving to death!

I guess I'm a rightwing pod caster now.

I'm not sure about nutritional value, but it could be worse

Has a slightly toxic, mysandristic taste to it, but overall the stew is much more palatable than anything else that came from this awkward creature.

I uh ... might be okay once I figure out what's going on

I'll be fine

As long as I don't run out of fuel and crash...

Everyone will let the Wookie win?

Well, fuck

Uhhhh I suppose I like cereal

Brb, loading up on carbs.

Sounds like I'll be doing psychedelics or phenethylamines possibly. Not a bad way to live.

It's bad for you. I'm a steal yo girl, and if you come near my taniwha hideout, I'm going to eat you.

... I'm so high right now. That's probably how this ends for me: humans bringing me some cannabis, getting me too high, and leading me somewhere out of the way.

It's my name, so I guess I'll do ok?

Every 3 letter agency would be after me shortly

I'll be just fine.

Sorry guys, the end times are on us, but at least they're cute and fluffy.

I’ll figure something out

My username is a bird that steals fish. I'm not sure how I'm going to get on the good side of one, but I guess I'd better get used to either seafood or hunger

Oranges and collared greens, I suppose. Could be worse.

You got a quarter?

Oh well, I'll die happy

Im okay with this, whole movies exist with this outcome, good times ahead

McDonald's stocks go up 200%

It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

Well, I can hunt, I guess.

The best I can make sense of it is that I make my money as some sort of emo catboy vtuber. Assuming I'm not already reasonably popular, that boils down to how good a streamer I can be and the economic factors of going into the EN vtubing industry after the initial boom. And I'm already at a disadvantage because "emo catboy" is a weak concept that lacks originality.

I'm just some random Lord now, which theoretically will come with resources so I should be okay

I'm aceing at it, sadly.

I'd be just fine.

I guess that I'm now praying to a really shitty version of Satan, uh. Or perhaps selling really cheap lamps?

("Lvxferre" is just broken Latin for "Lucifer", or "light-bringer")

Basically no change.

Link and Shulk, doing it 69 style, would have to be involved.

Ooo fishies

I can live off soiled bread I suppose

I'm fucked.

I will foolishly ride my dolly to safety like a wobbly skateboard. See you later losers!

If you have one of those halo things your already kind of dead right?

Maybe dying isn't so bad after all...

We musn't speak of him. He is legend.

Ganon with the Morph Ball upgrade would be U N S T O P P A B L E

Not a lot changes

Guess I'd better whip out the scarves and space berets. I'll be just fiiine.

With the US healthcare system? Expensive.

Haha, I’ll still be around in millions of years.

Seeing as you can't eat rocks I'd practically be dead.

Pretty good but I have the feeling Quantum Computing will kill me if Im not careful.

I stare at the wall reciting pi over and over, while my body withers, mind untethered, consumed by a mathematical void.

Pretty good actually.

I'm going to pick my nose!

People think I'm bullshitting all the time.

I'm a very old Musketeer.

Fancy seeing you here!
- Good to see you, sir! Have you seen Porthos yet in your travels?

I came up with the spelling based on the word "pattern", and this was just a screwy way of spelling it ~30 some years ago and it's just what I've always used. I'd probably be screwed if I had to rely on it, other than finding patterns in nature can help animals stay alive, I guess? That's all I got.

:,(

I need to work on my temper

I try to save money anyway, so I guess it’ll be ok. At least as long as nobody needs avenged.

I think I'd be alright.

I got an RC car... At least I'll die having fun.

I should be fine, just gotta change my name
::: spoiler spoiler I may also need to get smarter :::

Being a 'jockbox genius' means I'd be living on 'spam street', good buddy!

But what if it didn't happen in my timeline?

Most of them are dead, but Mr Burns has enough money to keep me going a while.

I hope for your sake that your name isn't Jack.

Mecha + Magic = Mechagic Im in a magic mecha, i think im doing well

I would have to go back to reddit to get an "open in new tab" function. This username is actually because I created an account once (years ago) after nuking my first one just so I could have the "open in new tab" functionality back.

Seems like a fun spell

Yeah I’m pretty fucked if my ability to stay alive is predicated upon my assembly programming abilities. Don’t ask me to multiply.

Monté Christo was quite skillful.

Uh oh...but if taken literally like the idea my best friend had when we were on acid and whip its, could be delectable. I'm willing to take the risk.

Would be nice to be buzzed all the time

The Grasshopper Mouse kills scorpions and then screams about it afterwards, so I think I'll do alright.

your cash and your jewelry is what i expect

I guess this one is a bit of a freebie for me.

My name is genuinely not actually Steve so I'm good

So, everything that is not Steve is at your disposal. Nice.

I'm mostly fine, I hope

It doesn't have to be good, right?

im now a vampire with a slutty thrall?

i guess theres worse ways to live

unlive, rather

Bollocks.

I'm already dead

F

I now rule a highly advanced, militaristic, and xenophobic alternate reality and have psionic abilities. It's not as great as is sounds, my future wife is going to psionically teleport a gray-goo bomb into my chest at the end of the big climactic boss fight.

The walls are closing in...

Curse this mortality, amiright fellow human?

I'm fire proof, and a shit speller.

I'm not gonna worry about it

Not bad, especially if she comes with her ship.

Porn i guess

Nothing changes for me.

Silver Wings of Morning is a Shatterling ship of Gentian Line. Shatterlings exist six million years in the future. The ship is so large that it contains other ships in its hanger.

I will have no trouble surviving in this futuristic ship.

No one knows.

I’m a tree.

I... I don't know. I legitimately do not know.

I guess it's kill or be killed...

Omnipotence helps.

Oh my, this is not gonna go well.

Pretty appropriate considering it means "The fuck is that?" where I'm from (not written the real way mind you, it would be "Quessé ça?" and that would still be "slang")

Welp, im a vampire now

(Universal Infinite Shadow of earth is what my username means soo...)

Guess I'm a melee mercenary in a ranged weapons world now. Sucks, but at least I get self healing? Also an immunity, come to think of it.

If the environment is game rich, I could do ok. But if we’re talking animals that are skittish and I can’t get close to, I’d starve. Could probably use the shaft as part of a bow drill to start a fire, so I’d have that going for me.

I was once told "meco" is Spanish for semen (likely not the formal word but slang or something with a dialect). So... 50/50?

She has a shotgun. I should be okay.

I feel like I'm not the one it's bad for.

Make of me what you will…

Well, I was almost a music major.

At least you're still tall.

I guess my fate is in the hands of the RNG gods.

Do you guys think Elon would let me take his SpaceX Starship in a time machine back to 2021 so I could fly to Mars and survive?

No, I do not have $4 billion to pay for this endeavor, I'll just take out a loan and tell the bank its for a scientific breakthrough.

Mine is the name of a character I used to play tabletop.

He was a Chaos Space Marine.

I think I'll be okay.

I'm just glad it's not rouge because then I'd likely be a prostitute.

I’m good.

Whatever it is, it’ll be tremendously important, but I won’t be able to convince anyone.

I gotta get to Greece!

Idk.

I’m still here.

Bout the same, but my life expectancy just got extended by around a factor of 2

I mean, you tell me.

I mean, probably wouldn't be bad initially. It would just get worse as time goes on.

I guess I need to find a Gleemonex dealer.

I'm not allowed to drink anything I guess

I'm a fake Belgian/Dutchie.

If everyone dressed like me the world would be a much less violent place

Hmm

shrugs I just do.

Pretty good I think.

Mine is a jolly good lot of fun as I fend off attacks with well-coined analogies.

At least I'll never go hungry, but eventually I'll get sick of myself.

I'm good. Nom nom nom

Suddenly I need to order a lot of explosives...

I’m pretty sure I’d be ok in multiple realities

I'm already gone.

Bamboo-fed, succulent and juicy steaks

I'll be fiiiiiine

Noisy.

Stressful mostly

My fitness is questionable, but my knowledge is vast. I'll team up and be ok.

I am in the Matrix where no one can find me.

I guess I am drilling wells? Maybe manageable.

I'm seriously.

"CanopyFlyer" is a reference to my skydiving days.

I have a tad over 4500 skydives.

Even though my last jump was 18 years ago, I think I'd be pretty safe if someone threw me out a plane with a rig on.

Better than the next guy's.

At least I'll have food.

I think for me, there'd be some sort of lord involved. Couldn't tell you what would happen, though.

I'm gonna need a bigger van.

So it's now a life and death situation for me to ensure cheetahs don't go extinct?

things just work out, it seems

Please, ya gotta help me Tony! I don't know what else to do!

... I think it'd be something you'd call an oxymoron.

I wish I chose MeeKrob now.

I'm gonna be A-ok

Sweet, I'm a wizard.

Donate today, and this is not a request.

I mean, it’s pretty good name for a streamer I think, so I could probably do something there

I hope I don’t need a boat. I’m fine if I need a lesbian.

I guess something involving swimming?

Itll either kill me in a burst of inspiration to the dome or be a very colorful and interesting way to kill people.

Welp. I'm just dead. I can make it to level 6 or 7, but this game is the original souls-like.

Bizzle is my legal name so I guess I'm chillin

Need to find a way to become a lovecraftian horror stat

Well..., by being charming?

I think I have to steal things from glowing bugs.

I am me. Nothing changes, all is well.

Name’s Donebrach. It ain’t foreign.

I need uranium, fast!

I guess this tree has leaves on it I can eat?

Uhhhh, depends on if I'm jiggling the sackles or having the sackles jiggled?

I don't know how this is going to go down, but I believe this strange new world is full of regret for me and those around me.

I'm just a civilian here.

Well at least my shoes will stay tied

Long as I can evade the authorities I should make bank

Renere

I would get paid to help people be assholes.

Guess I'm eating a lot of waffles from now on

If I die, you die. If I eat, you eat. If I drink, you drink. ...

I mean, as a software developer I kinda already have the means to stay alive. I’m an underpaid one, but I’m alive non the less.

Oh shit, I'm gonna have to remember how my past me did this the last time around.

My opacity causes screen burn ins.

Well considering Huntress from dead by daylight is my namesake depends what she is supposed to keep me alive from. Starving in the post Apocalypse she has me covered, but if she's not bound there's a good chance I end up as dinner instead

Russian fucking roulette

About the same.

Either really good, or really bad

Pumpkin seed oil every day 😋

I’m already dead

Sigh... unzips

I go to your wedding

Oh shit...

I can handle it..